Shadow and Rose
by Lady Norbert
Summary: "Well, on the off chance that this does somehow become a useful document to somebody - whoever you are, hello - I guess I should start by explaining who I am that's doing the writing." Entries in the personal journal of Alistair, Grey Warden of Ferelden, starting from just before his Joining. [Human Female Noble origin, Alistair/Warden pairing.]
1. Warden Recruit Shield

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

A/N: Having completed _Dragon Age: Origins_, and having become 1) unfairly addicted and 2) besotted with the character of Alistair, I found myself wanting to explore his backstory more in depth. I have remained as true to the game as I can, but you'll find bits of my headcanon in here too, so please forgive me for having taken liberties at certain points.

My initial and favorite playthrough of the game was with the female human noble, and so that's what the Warden is in this story. Rather than try to come up with a new name for her, I went with the default name of Elissa.

I'm really unsure of how dates work in the DA universe, to be perfectly honest, so I'm not using any. Many thanks to everyone who helps to maintain the official Dragon Age wiki, which was of infinite use to me in settling many details, and also to my friends Naomi and Darby, who helped me select the title. The chapter titles are all the names of items acquired in the course of the game, with their official descriptions as shown on the wiki, because I have a thing about titling chapters based on a theme.

This is dedicated with mingled affection and annoyance (mostly affection) to all of the people who at any time guilted, bribed, coerced, and/or cajoled me into first playing the game and then writing fic about it. You know who you are and this is all your fault.

* * *

**Chapter One: Warden Recruit Shield**

_This was made from wood hewn in the Anderfels near Weisshaupt._

* * *

It's been some time since I was forced or, indeed, _able_ to keep any sort of journal. At the Chantry, I was ordered to do something of the sort as a handwriting exercise, though in truth I suspect it was more to provide a written record of my activities so that the Grand Cleric might criticize anything she considered inappropriate. Considering how much I hated doing it back then, I'm really quite surprised at how much I've missed it in the past...I'm not even sure how long it's been.

A great deal has happened, of course, which probably deserves to be written down, and maybe that's the reason I want to write about it. Not that I'm a great scholar or anything. It's unlikely that anyone's ever going to use this journal as any sort of historical record. But still, it's my own book, and these are my own thoughts, and I like the idea of having someplace to put them. I'm hoping that if somebody ever does read it, it's not until after I'm dead. It's not as if they'll have to wait an eternity for that.

Let's see, where to begin...

Well, on the off chance that this does somehow become a useful document to somebody - whoever you are, hello - I guess I should start by explaining who I am that's doing the writing. My name is Alistair, and I'm... hm. Suppose I should just go for the jugular straight away, and tell you honestly that I'm the bastard half-brother of Cailan, King of Ferelden.

I don't remember how old I was when I first found this out. I was raised by Arl Eamon Guerrin, who is a good man for the most part. Considering that his sister was Queen Rowan, Cailan's mother and the wife of my father King Maric, he was a lot kinder to me than he really had to be. I grew up in his household, and a lot of people thought - probably still think - that I'm _his_ bastard, not the great Maric's. The Arl and his brother, Bann Teagan, are my sort-of-uncles. I mean, Cailan's my brother and they really are his uncles, but they're not really mine. They're the closest things I've got to uncles, though, so we'll leave it at that.

Anyway, for the first few years the question of my parentage was steadfastly avoided. Somewhere along the way I became aware that my mother was a servant girl who died giving birth to me, and it was hinted that my father belonged to the nobility but nobody ever said straight out, "Alistair, you're a bastard, but at least you're a _royal_ bastard."

I think it was around Maric's death that I finally figured it out. By that point I was already in the Chantry - when I was ten, Arl Eamon got married to an Orlesian woman. Arlessa Isolde arrived in Redcliffe determined about a number of things, one of which was that she didn't like me. Most likely she was familiar with the rumors that I was her husband's get, and I don't know if she believed them but in her position, I probably wouldn't have been comfortable either. They were married scarcely a month before he gave her what she wanted and packed me off to the Chantry.

How I found out, I'm not sure. Someone must have said something, let something slip. Arl Eamon kept trying to visit me and I wouldn't talk to him, so it can't have been him, but I must have overheard just enough to put two and two together. I do know that at some point, Arl Eamon gave up trying to visit, but he did send Bann Teagan once, and he was the one I confronted with the truth. I do give him a lot of credit for not lying to me. He saw that I knew, and he didn't deny it.

It explained a lot, anyway. I mean, why would an Arl just take a servant girl's orphan? Sure, he didn't exactly treat me like a son, unless one makes one's son sleep in the stables as a way of toughening him up or something, but he was good to me in a way. But a bastard prince - yes, I guess those have to be kept safe. You never know when some dastardly plague might wipe out the royal family. And then they sent me to the Chantry to learn to be a Templar, because hunting down apostate mages is a good honest profession for the king's bastard brother.

Only that's not what happened, after all.

I studied to be a Templar, for several years, but I never ended up taking my vows. What happened was that some of the Grey Wardens came to the Chantry. Grey Wardens are... I'm not sure how you describe them. They're an order of knights, but it might be better to say that they're _the_ order of knights. They fight the darkspawn, the scourge of the earth, and their allegiance is sought by kings and princes across Thedas because, so it's said, they have powers that no one can truly understand. In generations past, they flew into battle on the backs of giant griffons, which I wish could still happen but the griffons are extinct now.

Anyway, they came. Somebody got the bright idea to stage a tournament in their honor, and have a bunch of us Templars and future Templars fight each other for the Wardens' entertainment. I have to admit that by the time of this tournament, I was miserable, and everyone knew it. I'm not cut out for a religious life. I want to do more in this world than finding runaway magisters and dragging them back to the Circle of Magi by their heels. But even though I'll never be king, I still wasn't given any sort of choice about my own destiny. At least the tournament would give me some relief.

I didn't do very well. I tried, Andraste knows, but Ser Eryhn had me flat on my back in under five minutes, and Ser Kalvin managed to strip me of my weapon by the time our match was over. Thank the Maker the tourney was only to first blood.

But even though I did so badly, it turned out to be the best thing I could have imagined.

One of the people - maybe even the most important person - attending the tourney was Duncan, the Commander of the Grey. Talk about impressive titles. It's even fun to say, really. 'Commander of the Grey.' And Duncan, for some reason, saw something in my performance. Even though I lost every match, he seemed to think that... I don't know exactly what he thought. Just that there was something there that he wanted to encourage. So after the tournament, he came to talk to me alone. I'll never forget that conversation.

"Have you taken your vows as a Templar yet, Ser Alistair?"

"No, ser, I haven't."

"Good. That makes this easier. I would like to invite you to join the ranks of the Grey Wardens."

"Me? Me, a Grey Warden?!"

I'd grown up hearing about the Grey Wardens, of course, and not just for the reasons I listed above. A couple hundred years ago, the Wardens were exiled from Ferelden by my ancestor King Arland. Arland was a tyrant, and he hated the Wardens because their leader, who was a cousin of some sort and a rival for his throne, whipped up her forces against him. He starved them out at Soldier's Peak, the old fortress which belonged to the Wardens back then, and the survivors were forced to leave and seek refuge abroad. My father finally welcomed them back into the country a little while before Cailan was born. Most of them are quartered at the main Grey Warden stronghold in Weisshaupt. There are only a couple dozen here in Ferelden even now, so it didn't surprise me that Duncan would be scouting for recruits.

That he would be scouting _me_, however? Now that was a great surprise.

"Why me?"

"What I saw in the tournament left a strong impression on me," he said. "You're very brave, and you have a good heart. There were a few times, particularly when you were facing off with Ser Talrew, when you had the opportunity for victory - but you didn't take them. And I don't believe it was because you failed to see them for yourself."

"His shield wasn't buckled quite right," I mumbled. "It wouldn't have been fair."

"That's just it. You have a strong sense of justice. You're exactly the sort of warrior we need in the Grey Wardens."

"Well...what would I have to do?"

We talked for a long time, Duncan and I. I felt like he really wanted to know me. He asked me about my childhood in Redcliffe, although he already seemed to know quite a bit about it - he's apparently acquainted with both Arl Eamon and Bann Teagan.

He was very honest with me about the down sides to being a Grey Warden, and there are quite a few. My lifespan would be reduced to only about thirty years, because in order to join the order I would have to drink darkspawn blood. The process is called the Joining, and he was pretty blunt in telling me that not everyone survives the ceremony. This is how Wardens submit themselves to the taint, which allows them to sense the presence of darkspawn, but after a few decades it also tries to turn them _into _darkspawn. At that point, if a Warden lives that long, he or she (mostly he - there are no female Wardens in Ferelden just now, Duncan says) usually goes to the Deep Roads. It's known as the Calling; the Warden goes out fighting and takes as many darkspawn with him as possible.

It's pretty complex, on the whole. And scary, I'll admit. The blood thing is a little creepy too. But then Duncan asked me the one thing no one else in my entire life has ever asked me.

"What do you _want_ to do?"

And I thought about it. I know what I _don't_ want to do, at least. I don't want to be a Templar. I think mages are fascinating, and when they use their powers for good they're worthy of admiration - I'm not really crazy about the idea of locking them up. And I don't want to be... well, whatever living at Arl Eamon's estate would make me. I don't even know what that is, to be honest. Backup prince? Spare to the throne? I'm really not sure. And that's if Arlessa Isolde would ever allow me to come back, which I don't think is likely.

Then I thought about what I do want. I want to make a difference for Ferelden. I want to protect the innocent, and help people in need, and be a real hero. And maybe being a Grey Warden will let me do that. So I looked at Duncan and I nodded, and said, "If you can get the Grand Cleric to release me, I'll go with you. I think being a Grey Warden... I think it could be the best choice."

"Before you make that choice, there is one more thing I should tell you," Duncan said gravely. "The darkspawn are massing. It seems almost certain that we are in the earliest stages of a Blight - one which, if our conjectures are correct, will endanger the whole of Ferelden. The southern lands are already beginning to feel the threat."

I felt my flesh crawl. A Blight... the uniting of darkspawn under the control of an Old God whose essence has bound itself into the body of a dragon. They call such a creature an Archdemon. When a Blight sweeps over the land, all living things in its path - people, animals, even plants - are devastated beyond recovery. "There aren't nearly enough Grey Wardens to turn back a full Blight," I said.

"No. Orlais has pledged to send a contingent of Wardens to join with us, should we send for them," he replied, "but it would take them time to cross the ocean and march to our side. It might be more time than we have to prepare. The Blight is still young, but the Archdemon is awake. It's hard to say how much time we really have."

* * *

I had to stop writing for a while because of a hand cramp. Really, with how the words are pouring from my quill, I'm lucky to have so much free time at this moment. I have to enjoy it while it lasts.

Anyway, after my conversation with Duncan, he went to have an audience with the Grand Cleric. I wasn't allowed to come along, but from what he told me afterward, she was _not_ pleased. His initial request to have me leave the Chantry with him was denied, and after they argued for some time, he finally had to invoke the Right of Conscription. That's a special privilege of the Grey Wardens which allows them to force any person, regardless of their race or background or position, to join the order. Even the Grand Cleric can't supercede the Right of Conscription, and so she had no choice but to let me go. Her farewell to me was rather on the chilly side. Maybe she thinks I'm ungrateful - after all, the Chantry did feed and educate me for the last ten years.

It's not that I don't appreciate what they did give me; it's just that I need to be free to be whoever it is the Maker wants me to become. I'm pretty sure He has other ideas than Chantry service.

As I was packing, I realized that while I was _going_ with Duncan, I didn't actually know _where_ we were going. Soldier's Peak has long since fallen into disuse, and it's rumored to be haunted besides. (I don't know if I believe that, but I've heard stranger things so it's certainly possible.) Once I had all my things together, and had written a short letter to Arl Eamon informing him of the change, I decided to ask Duncan about our destination.

"We head for Ostagar," he replied. "It's presently serving as the home of the Grey Wardens."

Ostagar is, or rather was, a fortress erected by the Tevinter Imperium back when they ruled over Ferelden. There are many such ruins scattered across the country, relics of a day from centuries past when our lands were not our own. In the case of Ostagar, it's a particularly impressive example - the fortress straddles a narrow and extremely deep chasm, and provided an excellent defense of the Imperium from the Chasind Wilders who still live in the lands south of Ferelden. Ostagar marks the southernmost point to which the Imperium extended its conquest. After the First Blight, which broke the Imperium's control of the country that eventually became Ferelden, Ostagar was abandoned; the Chasinds ransacked it, but they also abandoned it in time.

According to Duncan, when the Grey Wardens first returned to Ferelden during Maric's kingship, they were so few in number that a base of operations was practically unnecessary. They settled in Denerim, operating out of a hidden warehouse which still belongs to the order, and began to restock their numbers. With the threat of the new Blight coming from the south, it was decided to relocate the order to Ostagar. The position of the ruins is, like I said, very defensible, and it gives a good vantage point to watch for the approach of darkspawn.

I'm bringing this journal up to date from my quarters here in Ostagar, which we reached just yesterday to a late dinner. I've spent a lot of time exploring the old ruins, which are honestly quite beautiful; those Tevinters know (knew?) a thing or two about architecture. It's a very appealing mixture of stone structure and natural forestation, and there really isn't much of a point where one ends and the other begins. It all sort of weaves into each other. Most of the roofing has deterioriated, so what used to be inside is largely outside, but the Tower of Ishal is almost completely intact and that's where the majority of us sleep. Various groups go patrolling out into the Korcari Wilds, finding and destroying darkspawn and trying to avoid the notice of some creature they call the Witch of the Wilds. I don't know if she really exists and I think I'd just as soon not find out.

Duncan, and a few others, don't stay in the tower. They've erected tents in the central exterior, and spend their nights keeping watch for the rest of us. My turn will come, he says, and in fact tomorrow I'm to join one of the parties exploring the Wilds. There are four of us who will undergo the Joining tomorrow evening, so as our first task, we are to enter the Wilds and kill the darkspawn we find in order to obtain phials of their blood. Until then, he's permitted us to do as we please, and shortly before dinner this evening I found this leather-bound book of blank pages among the offerings of our excellent quartermaster. He gave me a very good price on it.

I am suddenly _very_ tired, and I don't think I can hold this pen up any longer. But I think I've done a pretty good job of laying the groundwork for my journal, and now I can record things as they happen.


	2. Splintmail

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** This chapter is dedicated to my dear friend Emma, who helped me name the three Wardens who go through the Joining with Alistair.

* * *

**Chapter Two: Splintmail**

_The metal is spotted in places with rust, but the leather is well-oiled and has obviously been cared for._

* * *

It's been a busy few days, but I finally have some time to tell this journal that I am, formally and forever, a Grey Warden.

There were four of us scheduled for the most recent Joining. I met the other three recruits as we made ready to go into the Wilds to hunt darkspawn - Ser Cedric, Ser William, and Graham. All very friendly, all at least a few years older than me. Cedric in fact is quite a bit older than me; he served under Teyrn Loghain in the rebellion against Orlais, and has lots of grand battle stories to tell. Loghain is a hero, of course, born a farmer and raised to the rank of teyrn out of gratitude for helping Maric to regain his rightful throne. (Until that happened, there was only one teyrn in the whole country. We have several banns and a few arls, but a teyrn is second only to the royal family in precedence. We've got just the two - Teyrn Loghain Mac Tir, and Teyrn Bryce Cousland. The Couslands go back a _long_ way; they were given their title by the great Calenhad himself, or so I'm told.) Loghain's daughter Anora is Cailan's queen, one more reward for his services.

Anyway, what was I saying? Right. Graham is a blacksmith, or was at some point, but he's had plenty of fighting practice too. Duncan says he became a sort of vigilante soldier in the Southron region when the attacks by highwaymen started making life too difficult for his neighbors. Ser William is - well, was - formerly a personal guard to Arl Wulf.

The four of us went out into the Wilds in the company of Ser Alec, who explained that he was the most junior member of the order. Because I'm the youngest of those who have most recently joined, that 'honor' now falls to me. It's tradition that the most junior Grey Warden escorts the new recruits on their quest to acquire darkspawn blood. We found our quarry, right enough, and plenty of it - more than what we actually needed for the ceremony. I was surprised to find that the others hadn't been made aware of the details of the Joining; Duncan, for reasons of his own, had told me the basics of what would happen, but normally it's kept a great secret. I'd ask him why he told me but I have a feeling he wouldn't give me a straight answer.

The hunt for the darkspawn blood was creepy in its own right. Every time we defeated another group of them, Ser Alec made us strip them of their possessions. Some of them carry money, which I thought was kind of strange - what does a darkspawn need with money? - but even those who don't carry weapons of all kinds. He insisted we bring them back to camp, where the quartermaster gave us good coin in exchange. "It helps us to keep up our own supplies," he explained, "and it also allows us the chance to study what kinds of weapons our enemy is using. We can get an idea of how advanced the Blight is becoming by how sophisticated the weaponry is. It's not an exact science, but every possible advantage has to be exploited in a time like this." I understand the logic, and it's sort of nice to have some money in my pouch, but all the same... I can't say I'm a fan of looting corpses.

So once we had the blood and we returned to camp and dispensed with our, uh, spoils of victory, Duncan said we should go ahead and hold the ceremony. Some of the other, older Wardens came to watch, which made me kind of nervous. Ser Alec repeated a little litany that Duncan said has been spoken at every Joining since the first - "Join us, brothers and sisters..." Someday I have to try to get Duncan to explain to me who came up with all the stuff for the Joining. I mean, who got it into their head that drinking darkspawn blood was a smart idea?

Ser Cedric, being the oldest of us, went first. It was awful to watch; his eyes turned all gray, and he clutched his stomach and let out a terrible howl of pain before collapsing to the ground. But all the Wardens were so calm about it that I figured this had to be normal. Duncan checked him and nodded. "He'll recover soon." Ser William was next, and... Maker's breath. He _died_. Right there on the floor of the old Tevinter chapel, the darkspawn blood killed him. He wasn't strong enough to endure the taint. Well, neither Graham nor I were too keen to go through with it after that, but we didn't have much of a choice, and luckily, we both got through it.

It was horrible. Pain beyond anything I'd ever imagined, and dreadful visions - a screeching dragon, which Duncan said is the Archdemon, and loads more darkspawn than I ever hope to see. I don't know how long I was out, but when I came to, Duncan and Ser Alec were peering down at me.

"Welcome to the Grey Wardens, Alistair."

* * *

Today we gave Ser William a proper send-off. It took them a little time to set it up, and to make the arrangements; he leaves behind a sister, but she's quite some distance away - up near Amaranthine. Rather than invite her to be part of the proceedings, Duncan wrote her a letter, which will accompany William's possessions. It suggests that he died in battle rather than in the Joining, on account of the secrecy of the ritual. Better that way, I guess.

At least he left behind someone who will care that he's gone. If I'd died in the ceremony, what difference would it have made to much of anyone?

* * *

I don't update this journal as much as I'd intended. Not that I don't have things to say; we're quite busy here in Ostagar. But that's just it. We're _really_ busy.

There are scouting patrols into the Wilds, to pick off random straggling groups of darkspawn who venture too near the camp. They're not the only things to be found out there, either, of course; there are wolves, and the occasional Chasind barbarian. I haven't stumbled across a werewolf yet, just the regular sort, but they say those live around here too.

Sometimes I try to give the quartermaster a hand. I don't know anything about _making_ weapons, but I can help him count his inventory and sort the items looted from darkspawn corpses. He does have an assistant, a nervous-looking elf called Pick, but he's not overly happy with the quality of work. I'd like to help the kennel master, but the dogs don't seem like they like me much.

Of course, it's not all work. The other Wardens are actually a lot of fun. We drink and eat - oh, Maker, do we eat. It seems to be a normal thing for a new Warden to be hungry all the time, and they laugh at me plenty, but it's _nice_. It's a friendly kind of laughing. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm where I really belong.

I don't see as much of Duncan as I could wish, although he's always very warm to me when we do meet. He spends a lot of time planning excursions to different parts of the country where he thinks he might find more recruits, or writing long letters to Loghain and Cailan. The Blight's becoming more of a sure thing as the weeks pass, and Cailan has decided to start rallying troops. He thinks Ostagar's the perfect place to make a stand against the approach of the darkspawn, so he's going to be sending messages to the various noble households to urge them to join the cause.

From what Duncan has allowed me to know, Loghain doesn't entirely agree with this whole plan. He seems to think that the bigger threat to our national security is Orlais, that there's reason to believe that they might try to invade us again. Cailan seems very confident that this won't happen, or at least that it won't happen anytime soon. He might have a point; I can't see why the Empress of Orlais would be interested in invading Ferelden if it's about to get swallowed up by a Blight. It'd be like purchasing a house while its roof is on fire.

He's the king and he's my brother, halfway at least, but I think everyone knows that it's going to be Loghain who once again sees peace restored to this country.

* * *

We're starting to see some responses to Cailan's request for assistance. A small contingent of mages arrived yesterday. I guess I've still got some pre-Templar instincts of some kind, because their being here makes me sort of twitchy. There are also some Chantry sisters who have come and set up a medic station and a pulpit where they can deliver the word of Andraste to the faithful.

Duncan has been away for the past several days, as he's been in Denerim consulting with Cailan personally, but he returned this morning with a new recruit. He apparently conscripted this man - Daveth is his name - after he caught the rogue trying to cut his purse. He's not a very good thief and the alternative was that he would die by hanging. I guess Duncan figures he deserves one last chance to redeem himself by becoming a Warden, but all the same, I think I'll avoid him if I can.

* * *

Duncan's preparing to leave us again. He's making the long journey to Highever, which he says is where he was born. He's planning a quick visit to the village where he grew up - something about dropping in on a random cousin to say hello - and then he's going to Castle Cousland, the teyrn's residence.

"By the time I get there," he told me, "I expect the teyrn will have received the king's summons and will be mustering his troops to march. I'll stay with his family for a few days and then accompany him and his men back here."

"Are you hoping to recruit one of Teyrn Cousland's soldiers for the Wardens?"

"Possibly. There are two candidates in the castle that I would like to review," he replied. "One is the teyrn's man-at-arms, Ser Gilmore. I'm told he's an excellent knight with a fine history of service. But it's the other possibility that interests me more."

"Who is he?"

"She," he corrected. "Lady Elissa - the teyrn's daughter. She has an extraordinary reputation across Ferelden, being the only daughter of a noble house who excels in the art of war. More than that, she is regarded as a just and fair individual with a remarkably good heart, and very sound judgment for one so young. She's about a year younger than you."

So we might get a lady Warden after all. That would be interesting. I wonder if she's pretty.

I probably shouldn't be wondering that.

* * *

More soldiers are arriving, sent by this arl or that bann. Ostagar is becoming crowded.

* * *

Cailan and Loghain arrived today, amid much fussing and pomp.

Cailan actually spoke to me. He saw me bowing and said, "Alistair, is that you? Good to see you." That was it. We've met in the past, of course, but I have no idea if he knows we're related. (I'm pretty sure Loghain does, though - he _was_ Maric's closest friend, after all.) Still, it was sort of nice to have my 'big brother' acknowledge me, if just for a moment.

We're now all sleeping outside in tents. Loghain ordered that the Tower of Ishal no longer be a residence building; instead, it's being used to store weapons and house some of the mabari in cages. The novelty of camping is going to wear off fast, I expect.

* * *

Duncan still hasn't returned, but Fergus Cousland - the teyrn's son and heir - came today with the bulk of their warriors. I think I might have met him once, when we were boys; there's something vaguely familiar about him. He seems very popular with his soldiers.

Accompanying them was a Ser Jory, who presented himself to me in a sort of uncomfortable way. "Are you Alistair? I have a letter for you from Duncan."

It was really just a short note, reminding me that he'd be coming back to Ostagar with the teyrn and noting that so far, Teyrn Cousland is not very receptive to the idea of his daughter turning Grey Warden. The note also mentioned that Ser Jory was a recruit for the order and that I should make him feel at home. Duncan happened to see him competing in a tournament while he was traveling through Highever, and was impressed by his performance. Jory had jumped at the chance to be a Grey Warden, but now that he's actually here, he seems impatient and really kind of unhappy. This makes more sense to me since he mentioned that he left a pregnant wife back in Highever, but I get the feeling he's kind of annoyed that he has to wait for Duncan's return before he can undergo the Joining. Well, he's not the only one who wishes Duncan would hurry back.


	3. Family Sword

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** Andraste's flaming sword, this is going to be a long story...

* * *

**Chapter Three: Family Sword**

_This lightly enchanted blade is as sharp as the day it was first wielded in the service of King Calenhad, the Silver Knight, who united all of Ferelden almost four centuries ago._

* * *

Duncan returned to camp today. He looked exhausted, and strangely... I almost want to say heartsick. Also, he had a mabari with him. I watched him approach his fire, and the dog lay down and made himself at home.

When he told me what happened in Highever, I could understand why he looked so worn down. The very night that Fergus Cousland left with the family's forces to join us here at Ostagar, Castle Cousland was invaded! Arl Howe, who for years was Teyrn Cousland's closest friend, sent his men into the castle to slaughter every last inhabitant, and has apparently declared himself lord over the Cousland lands. He murdered his _best friend_. What kind of man can do something like that?!

The Teyrn and Teyrna both fought bravely, he said, but it was the daughter - Lady Elissa, the one he mentioned - who fought hardest. She protected her mother and probably would have died defending both of her parents. Instead, they sent her off with Duncan and their blessing to become a Grey Warden. So she's here in the camp, exploring he said; the dog, Toby, belongs to her. Duncan said he's the only thing, besides the armor on her back and an ancestral sword and shield, that she was able to bring away from the castle. I-

Oh, spare me. What does the Revered Mother want now?

* * *

I only have a short time to write this, so I'll try to be brief. Revered Mother wanted me to take a message to one of the mages - I'm not sure why being an ex-Templar requires me to be her personal errand boy, but so be it. The mage gave me a hard time, and I admit to giving him a hard time right back.

And then she showed up.

Just as the mage was agreeing to go see what the Revered Mother wanted, a woman walked up to where we were standing. She looked completely confused when he told her to get out of his way, and I couldn't really blame her. I made a crack about how the Blight really brings people together, which made her smile the littlest bit. "You are a strange man."

"You're not the first woman to tell me that!"

After a few minutes of banter, I worked out that my memory wasn't faulty; she really was a stranger to my eyes, and was in fact the Lady Elissa Cousland. I know I shouldn't have been wondering about it, much less observing it, but she _is_ pretty. She has a lean, elegant figure, even in armor, with a queenly sort of walk. Her hair is a rich brown, and she wears it in two braids coiled at the nape of her neck; it's a very popular style among the higher-ranking ladies in the kingdom. She strikes me as intelligent, and alert.

She's also kind-hearted. We were making our way back to Duncan's campsite when her attention was caught by the sight of a man in a cage. I did remember hearing that someone was arrested for trying to desert, but I hadn't gotten any details on the matter. The man in the cage protested his innocence, and maybe he really is innocent and maybe he isn't, but one thing he definitely was? Hungry. He told Elissa that he hadn't had any food or water since he was locked up, and begged her to do something about it. Well, she marched right over to the guard and turned on the charm; when that didn't quite work, she sweetened the bargain with ten silvers. For that, he surrendered what was left of his own dinner, and she went straight back to the prisoner and gave it to him.

I like her.

After that we reported to Duncan, who was waiting with Daveth and Ser Jory. It's time for them to go into the Wilds, to collect the darkspawn blood for their Joining, and I'm to accompany them. But Duncan gave us a second task too. It seems that out in the Wilds somewhere, there had been a Grey Warden outpost where some important documents were accidentally abandoned, and we're to retrieve them. They're treaties signed by the leaders of certain factions throughout Ferelden, pledging their support of the Wardens in the event of another Blight, and he thinks it might be time to call in those favors.

Ah, Duncan says they're ready. More this evening.

* * *

That was... I'm not sure I have a word for what that was.

We had barely gotten into the Wilds when we found the lone survivor of one of our scouting parties. They'd been attacked by darkspawn, he said, and he was the only one who hadn't died. Maker's breath, why are they sending out these scouting parties without a Grey Warden to guide them and warn them of the darkspawn's approach? It's not fair that these people are dying because they can't sense the enemy. We bandaged him up and sent him back to camp.

After that it was, for a while, a lot like my own first time in the Wilds. All three of the recruits were more than a match for any darkspawn we encountered; I was pleased and I knew Duncan would be too. We collected the phials of blood without much difficulty. But then we got to the ruins of the old Warden outpost, and the chest that had held the treaties was broken. Duncan had said there were magical wards protecting the documents, but they were gone.

And then this woman showed up.

She had very black hair, but shiny golden eyes that made me uneasy. Daveth and Ser Jory didn't like her any better than I did. She seemed to be mocking us, asking whether we were scavengers or merely intruders. She referred to the Wilds as being her own, so I guessed that she was Chasind, and I cautioned the recruits not to answer her questions. She laughed at me.

"So, you fear barbarians will come swooping down?"

"Yes. Swooping is bad."

It was Daveth, however, who put forth the idea that she was a Witch of the Wilds, and likely to turn us all into toads. The woman didn't even laugh at that one, just dismissed it as an idle fancy and asked if we had no minds of our own. Then she turned on Elissa, wanting to speak as one woman to another. "Give me your name and I will give you mine."

I had the strangest urge to push Elissa behind me, to protect her if I could. Don't know where that came from. She seemed entirely unafraid, however. "I am Elissa. Pleased to meet you."

"Now that is a proper civil greeting, even here in the Wilds! You may call me Morrigan." She went on to say that she knew what we were looking for, and that we wouldn't find them because they were long gone. I called her a sneaky witch thief - well, I never claimed to be a great orator, and words eluded me a bit. She asked me how one steals from dead men. I didn't know how to answer that, so I ignored the question and demanded the return of the documents, but she said she wasn't the one who took them. Elissa asked who did.

"T'was my mother, in fact." This Morrigan had an odd way of speaking, like she was born a hundred years ago or so. Then again, if she really is a Witch of the Wilds, maybe she was.

"Can you take us to her?" Elissa inquired, and I can't help wondering if maybe I shouldn't just have Elissa do most of the talking in situations like this; her noble upbringing seems to have prepared her for more than I would have expected. Morrigan looked pleased.

"There is a _sensible_ request," she said, and chuckled. "I like you." I'm not sure that's necessarily a good thing. Neither of the other men seemed happy about following Morrigan, and frankly I wasn't either, but Elissa went after her without hesitation and we didn't really have much choice but to stay with her. Daveth certainly seems to like walking behind Elissa, come to think of it.

No, on second thought, I don't want to think of it.

In any case, Morrigan was as good as her word, to my surprise. She took us farther into the Wilds and introduced us to her mother. When Morrigan tried to tell her who we were and what we wanted, the crone cut her off, saying we were just as she expected. I found it hard to believe she was expecting us, to which she replied that "you are required to do nothing, least of all believe." Daveth and Jory started bickering a little over whether she really was a witch (and if she was, if it was wise to make her angry), and I saw Elissa shaking her head. This drew the older woman's attention.

"And what of you?" she asked. "Does your woman's mind have a different view than these men?"

"I'm not sure what I believe."

Like Morrigan, the mother seemed pleased by Elissa's sense. "A statement that possesses more wisdom than it implies," she said. "So much about you is uncertain. And yet I believe...do I? Why, it seems I do."

She then talked of Morrigan, of her enjoyment of idle fancies such as being called a Witch of the Wilds and dancing under the moon, and Morrigan looked embarrassed. "They did not come to listen to your wild tales, Mother."

"True. They came for their treaties." The mother retrieved them, adding as she did that the magic seal wore off a long time ago and that she had protected the treaties since that time. I felt a little stupid for thinking they stole the documents, but really, it seemed like a logical suspicion. "Take them to your Grey Wardens," she said, handing them to me, "and tell them that this Blight's threat is greater than they realize."

I didn't know quite what to say to that, but Elissa did. "Thank you for returning them."

"Such manners." The mother looked amused. "And always in the last place you look. Like stockings." Even Elissa looked confused by that comment, but we took our leave, with Morrigan escorting us back to the entrance of the camp.

Duncan was very pleased with our success. He told me to conceal the treaties among my gear for safekeeping, and to carry them with me at all times. With the darkspawn blood acquired, he saw no reason not to prepare for the Joining at once, so I've got to go and join him and the recruits in the old chapel. With any luck, we'll now have three more Grey Wardens to bolster our strength.

* * *

I'm eating some dinner by Duncan's fire, now, and waiting for his return from a meeting with Cailan. The Joining is over, but it didn't go as well as I'd hoped.

At first all seemed well. Duncan explained that the ceremony is dangerous, that they had to drink the darkspawn blood and that there was a chance they might not survive it. Jory looked appalled, so I tried to put him at ease by explaining the importance of the blood. I don't think it helped much. I spoke the traditional litany, and Daveth went first. He... well, it was like Ser William. His eyes clouded, and he clutched his head and cried out in pain, and collapsed to the ground. Jory and Elissa looked fairly horrified, and I could understand that.

What I didn't expect was what happened next. Duncan tried to give the chalice to Jory, and Jory responded by pulling his _sword_. He seemed half-mad with terror, shouting that there was no glory to be had in such a ceremony, that he didn't know, that he had a family and needed to go home. And then he tried to attack Duncan - who set down the chalice, drew his dagger, and killed Jory.

I know it was self-defense, I know he would never have done it if Jory hadn't attacked. But it was still awful to watch. Elissa was shaking.

She didn't shy away when Duncan gave her the chalice, but her hands trembled as she accepted it. I couldn't really blame her. Her face contorted in pain, and she stumbled backwards. There was a broken column lying behind her and I was afraid she'd hurt herself on it, so I grabbed her as she started to fall and lowered her to the ground.

"She will live," said Duncan after a moment. Her face was still twitching a bit, but she was breathing. "I knew she would do well."

"I'm not surprised either," I admitted. While she remained unconscious, I told him about our time in the Wilds - our surprise encounter with the two women who returned the treaties, and Elissa's diplomacy. "She seems like she was born to lead."

"Very possibly. But she is very much alone right now, Alistair. The loss of her family weighs heavily on her mind, and now the loss of her brother recruits will likely add to that," he noted. "I will be counting on you to help her adjust to the life of a Grey Warden."

"I'll do my best."

Elissa started to wake, then, blinking at Duncan. "It is finished," he said. "Welcome."

We helped her to stand; she still seemed a little unsteady on her feet. I admitted that her Joining took me somewhat by surprise, since only one had died during mine. "But it was horrible," I told her. "I'm glad at least one of you survived."

"How do you feel?" Duncan asked.

"Nothing you said prepared me for that," she mumbled. We spoke of the nightmares, and I presented her with the Warden's Oath - the special pendant containing darkspawn blood that all new initiates receive as a token of their Joining. Duncan promised that in the months to come, he'll explain the dreams and answer all of her questions as they arise. For the moment, though, he had to go meet with Cailan - and for some reason, which even Duncan didn't understand, Cailan wanted Elissa to attend the meeting as well. Not me, just her.

So I'm at the fire, waiting for them to come back. Ah - here they come now. She looks tired, I don't want to pester her. Oh, that's kind of sweet; she dropped to her knees and held out her arms, and her mabari went straight into them. She's had a rough time of it so far, and now we're on the eve of battle. It's not going to get any easier for her just yet.

It's not going to get any easier for any of us.


	4. Wildstone Clasp

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** Thanks so much for all the favorites and follows!

* * *

**Chapter Four: Wildstone Clasp**

_A roughhewn gem in a deceptively simple setting. Great skill was required to fashion this to look primitive and yet still elegant. Morrigan has an eye for quality that defies her wild nature._

* * *

Andraste have mercy... well, I guess She did or I wouldn't be writing this. My thoughts are all over the place so I don't even know if what I'm writing is going to be intelligible later. I'll try starting where I left off last night.

The evening passed off decently, and the morning came quickly enough. The battle was near at hand. Duncan took Elissa and myself aside, and I finally got to hear about what was decided at the meeting with Cailan. I was really disappointed, to be honest, but by Cailan's own request, I was _not_ to enter the battle! He chose Elissa and myself to climb to the top of the Tower of Ishal and light the signal beacon, which would tell Teyrn Loghain to bring his men to Cailan's aid. After that, we thought we might have a chance to help with the fighting, but Duncan didn't seem to entirely think so.

I had the treaties among my gear, as Duncan had requested, and for some reason I had also thrown this journal in with them. I don't know why. It was a good idea in the end, because I would have lost it otherwise, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Duncan bade us farewell, reminding us that we were now on our own and that he expected us to live up to our roles as Grey Wardens. I felt a little sorry for Elissa, having this much responsibility thrust on her after being a Grey Warden for less than a day, but she seemed to take it in stride. Her mabari - Toby, I had to go back and look in this journal for his name - followed us as we started for the bridge to cross the gorge and enter the tower. We were both knocked to our knees as a projectile slammed into the side of the bridge. Some of the soldiers on the bridge went down and didn't get up again. In the distance the trees seemed to be burning, despite the rain that was falling steadily.

We reached the far side, where a guard stopped us. The Tower was lost, he said. Darkspawn had found a way up from underneath, come in through some forgotten tunnel or something like that. We would have to fight our way to the top floor, but we had no choice. There was a mage nearby who attached himself to our party as Elissa, the dog and I rushed into the fray.

There didn't seem to be a particularly _right_ way to do the thing, really, so we just took the enemy as they came. With the mage casting protection spells at us, and healing spells when they were needed, it actually wasn't too hard. We cleared the first floor of darkspawn and headed upstairs to do the same to the second floor. Part of the tower was already destroyed, which limited the amount of space we had to clear. Elissa was unstoppable, running around throwing open doors and taking the darkspawn hiding in different rooms by surprise.

On the third floor we encountered a bunch of darkspawn amid a group of cages holding mabari. I don't know why they weren't out fighting with the other dogs, but they sure looked eager enough for battle. Elissa's a quick one, I have to say - she hatched a plan almost immediately. She rushed at a nearby darkspawn and bashed it to the ground with her shield, and while it was disoriented she ran to a lever stuck in the floor and threw all her weight against it. This opened all of the mabari cages at once, and the dogs made quick work of the darkspawn that we didn't kill ourselves. Once the enemies were all dead, the dogs (I mean, other than Toby) ran out of the room.

"At least now they have a chance to escape with their lives," Elissa said.

Up we went, and up, and finally we were on the roof of the tower. While Toby and I killed the darkspawn we found up there, Elissa ran for the signal fire and wrestled to ignite the wet wood. The mage helped her, using his magic to dry out the kindling, and as the last darkspawn body hit the floor the flames burst forth. The signal was lit. We did it.

Maybe it was silly of me, but I felt kind of proud - of both of us - and I couldn't help saying it. "You know, I think we work well together!" She looked at me, kind of surprised, and then she smiled. It was the first time I've seen her really smile since we met; well, it's not as though she's had a wealth of reasons to smile. I wouldn't mind seeing her smile more often... but I'm getting ahead of myself again.

What happened next... I still can't believe I'm even writing this. I can't believe I'm alive to write it.

We had just relaxed the smallest bit when the door burst open. Suddenly the whole roof of the tower was swarming with darkspawn. We barely had time to react - the mage (I feel _so_ bad that we never even got to know his name) went down almost immediately, and Elissa took three arrows to the throat. The last thing I remember was trying to get to her, trying to help her, and then blackness. I think I got brained from behind.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up in an unfamiliar bed, wearing only my smallclothes, and a familiar voice was sort of chuckling. "Awake, are you?"

* * *

I had to take a break from writing, there, to eat a little something. My hostesses, for lack of a better word, have been civil and reasonably kind.

Anyway, I woke up in this unfamiliar bed. Standing over me was - and I couldn't make this up if I tried - Morrigan's mother. I tried to sit up, and she made this gesture that clearly indicated that I was supposed to stay put. "You took quite a blow to the head. I wouldn't be in a rush to be on your feet if I were you."

"What happened?"

"You were in the tower. I turned into a giant bird and plucked you off the roof."

"...is that a joke?"

"It might be. Make up a better story yourself if you don't like mine. The point is, you're alive, which makes you a bit different from the rest of your order."

I froze. "What... what do you mean?"

She sighed. "There's really no good way to explain this. The battle is over, and the darkspawn won. Ostagar has fallen."

"The Wardens? Duncan? The _king_?"

She shook her head slowly. "All lost, I'm afraid."

"But we lit the signal fire! Teyrn Loghain was supposed to bring his reinforcements!"

"Is that his name? My daughter saw him and his warriors fleeing. Apparently he felt that retreat was the more prudent option."

"...no."

"Oh, yes, I'm afraid so."

Loghain betrayed us. He betrayed Cailan - betrayed Duncan - betrayed us all. I still can't believe it. I don't _want_ to believe it.

"Maker have mercy." I was sitting up now, and holding my head. "Wait - Elissa! Where is Elissa? She was on the roof with me!"

"That would be the young lady Warden with a polite tongue in her head, yes? She's in the other room. I rescued her at the same time I rescued you."

"She's alive?"

"I believe that's what I just said, but you're not the brightest specimen I've come across, so I'll repeat myself. She's alive. Still unconscious, my daughter says, but alive. Her injuries were more severe than yours."

"You saved us both?"

She clucked her tongue at me. "Maybe they hit your head harder than I realized. Your memory seems to be vastly addled."

"Can I see her?"

"Considering she's not wearing much more than you are just now, I don't think she'd appreciate you walking in there while she's asleep. I'm sure she'll be up and around in a day or so. Be patient."

I'm trying, but it's not easy. Elissa is the only other Grey Warden left in all of Ferelden, if Morrigan's mother is to be believed, and I just want to see with my own eyes that she really is here.

As soon as I was allowed to get up, I went through my gear. Everything seems to be there, and so I sat down and started bringing this journal up to date. I still can't believe...

* * *

Elissa still sleeps, but we did have a development of a different sort this morning. I heard barking outside and went to investigate.

I can't begin to figure out how he did it, but somehow, Toby _survived_ the sacking of Ostagar. He got himself down from the tower and out of the encampment, and managed to track his mistress all the way here. I know they say that the loyalty of a mabari is beyond human comprehension, and that only death itself can separate a mabari from the master it chooses for itself, but I was still stunned.

I had to explain his presence to Morrigan and her mother, but they took it fairly well in stride. He seems to have accepted the explanation that he can't go into Elissa's room, at least as much as a dog can seem to accept anything. Maybe he's just relieved to find himself someplace safe.

* * *

She's awake.

Maker's breath, I don't think I've ever been so glad to see someone in my life.

I wasn't quite sure how to greet her - I almost hugged her, I was so relieved, but we don't know each other very well and that seemed rather awkward. I think she was glad to see me too, though, and she was certainly glad to see her dog. I can't blame her; she probably figured he died at Ostagar.

We learned that Morrigan's mother's name is Flemeth, the same one in the old Chasind legends, and therefore really _is_ the Witch of the Wilds. So she says, anyway. We had to have a long talk about what to do next, but we've decided to take the treaties that Flemeth had stored for us and go to the mages, the elves, and the dwarves to talk to them about the Blight and ask for their aid. I've also recommended that we go to Redcliffe, to bring matters to the attention of Arl Eamon. I would like to think he's forgiven me for my childish anger, and I know he'll do anything he can to help us fight off the darkspawn. With any luck, he can persuade the other nobles to do the same. We have to try.

It's still hard to accept that we're the _last two_ Grey Wardens in the whole of Ferelden, but there it is, and that means it's up to us. I had a frightening moment where I thought Elissa was going to back out, but she promised that she'll stay with me. And then she had the presence of mind to thank Flemeth for saving us, something I had utterly failed to do. She really is a very good diplomat. I think if she doesn't mind, I'll let her do most of the talking.

To be honest, it's probably best if she just steers the whole mission. My mind is so clouded with grief over the loss of the other Wardens - the loss of Duncan - that I have a hard time thinking straight. If I didn't have Elissa to follow, I wouldn't even know in which direction I was walking.

Walking we are, though, on our way to the village of Lothering - all four of us. Oh, yeah, Morrigan has joined our party. Not my idea, nor Elissa's, nor even Morrigan's for that matter. Flemeth insisted that her daughter accompany us. We've stopped for a breather, so I've scribbled all this down while the ladies are otherwise occupied. Morrigan knows about which berries and whatnot are safe, so she's collecting us something to eat, and Elissa is examining a map of Ferelden. Not sure where she picked that up, but it's bound to come in handy.

* * *

Lothering is... depressing.

Many of the people who have fled the southern areas that are being invaded by darkspawn have ended up here, either on their way to somewhere else or simply because they haven't got any idea where else to go. So there are a lot of refugee tents. We encountered trouble just by walking into the village when we found ourselves confronted by bandits. They've been milking ten silvers out of every group that comes here, claiming it's for the upkeep of the imperial highway. I think even Elissa's dog could see through that story. Once they got a taste of what we could do with our blades, and Morrigan's staff, they were only too happy to clear off. We were disgusted to find that they'd apparently killed a Templar, whose body lay nearby, and we reluctantly took the locket from around his neck before disposing of it properly. I'm hoping we can turn it over to the Chantry and they can return it to the slain knight's next of kin. The name inside the locket indicates that its owner was called Ser Henric.

Morrigan and I are not getting along. She doesn't like me, I don't trust her. I feel a bit guilty that Elissa's stuck in the middle but I don't know what to do about it. She's doing her best to keep the peace.

The people here need a lot of help, and while Morrigan disdains Elissa's tendency to try to "solve every problem we come across," she doesn't try to prevent it. So far she's given money to a child whose mother was most likely killed by darkspawn, gathered herbs for medicinal poultices for the local Chantry, and led us on a small chase around the village to dispatch three more groups of bandits who have been preying on the refugees. I'd like to know where she gets all her energy.

* * *

So now we've added to our numbers. Two more, in fact, and I'm not sure which one is the odder.

First, we stumbled across a Qunari soldier being held in a cage. He's confessed to the murder of a farming family, which naturally does deserve punishment of some sort, but for the first time since we met, Morrigan and I agreed about something. Keeping him in a cage and leaving him to be destroyed by darkspawn is _not_ a fair sentence. Elissa introduced herself, which drew some confusion from him about the fact that she was polite to him. (I'm noticing a theme among the people we meet. Elissa's good manners are a recurring cause for surprise. Have we really fallen so far as a society?) Anyway, she promised to try to have the Chantry turn him over to her custody, since we need all the warriors we can get.

Before we could go to speak to the local Revered Mother about the situation, we decided to give some custom to the little public house. A hot meal at a real table sounded like a good idea to me, but inside we found trouble. Some of Loghain's men were there, and one announced that they'd been looking for a woman matching Elissa's description. Somehow, Loghain's aware that she and I survived Ostagar; at the very least he suspects as much, probably because he knew we were the ones who lit the signal fire and had some small chance of escape. That's bad enough, but what's worse is that he's spreading the tale that Cailan fell at Ostagar because the Grey Wardens betrayed him - and he's put a bounty on the head of any surviving members of the order.

A sister of the Chantry was also present, a red-headed girl with an Orlesian accent, and she tried to intervene on our behalf. Loghain's men weren't having any of that, of course, so we had to fight them. To our surprise, the sister actually _joined_ the fight, and had her share of blood spatter by the time Loghain's men yielded. Elissa spared the leader and told him to give Loghain the message that the Grey Wardens know what really happened at Ostagar, and he and his surviving cronies fled the scene at once. The sister, who introduced herself as Leliana, expressed her relief that Elissa had demonstrated mercy. She looks to be about Elissa's age, while Morrigan I think is a bit older even than I am, though not much.

Leliana then explained that she wanted to join our party. Seems she's had a vision, or so she claims, directing her to do more or less exactly that. The vision was corroborated, in her mind, by the sudden blooming of a dead rose plant on the Chantry grounds. It's a bit too weird for my tastes, but Elissa... well, she's leading the group, she has the right to decide who comes or doesn't. And as she put it, it's probably foolish to turn away help when it's offered freely.

We ate quickly and headed back to the Chantry. There was a man ranting outside about the approach of the darkspawn. He spotted Elissa and shouted that she was the first, that he could see the darkness about her - could he possibly sense the taint? But why about her and not me as well? No, he must have been simply mad. Elissa spoke to him calmly, soothing him and getting him to share his story. Somehow she was able to bring some kind of ease to his troubled mind.

Inside the Chantry we encountered a figure I recognized from Redcliffe - Ser Donall, one of Arl Eamon's knights. He had some disturbing news for us. It seems Eamon is gravely ill, and no one can figure out what's wrong with him or how to cure it. Desperate, the arlessa has charged several knights to seek out the Urn of Sacred Ashes - the last mortal remains of the prophetess Andraste - in the hopes that a pinch of the ashes could restore him. Ser Donall is on the trail of a Brother Genitivi, in Denerim, who has been researching the matter. He also said that he was looking for Ser Henric, a traveling companion from whom he'd been separated.

How she remembered it, I'm not sure, but Elissa recalled that this was the name inscribed inside the locket of the knight whose body we encountered. She gave it to Ser Donall, who confirmed the identification. He was, naturally, saddened to learn of his friend's death, but grateful to at least know what had become of him, and promised to take care of returning the locket to Henric's relations. One less thing for us to worry about, I suppose.

We found the Mother, who was alarmed to learn of Grey Wardens in her village. She promised to keep our presence a secret, but couldn't offer any other assistance. Elissa inquired about the Qunari, and with Leliana supporting the request, the Revered Mother consented to turn over the key to his cage. She gave us all a blessing before we left, and I was surprised when even Morrigan bent her knee to receive it.

We returned to the cage and released the Qunari, who identifies himself as Sten. This isn't his name, though, it's apparently his rank in the Beresaad. That's the name of the Qunari vanguard. He doesn't talk much, and definitely doesn't like being asked questions. He tolerates them from Elissa, I guess because she's the one who arranged his release, but it's clear he doesn't appreciate inquiries.

There's a windmill on a tall hill in the middle of the village's meadow, not far from a stream, and we've made camp between the two landmarks for the night. We probably could have tried to sleep in the Chantry, but they're pretty much stuffed with refugees and I think we're better off where we are. Nobody's likely to bother us here. I'm keeping the watch right now.

Hang on.

* * *

Elissa was having a nightmare, I could tell by the way she was thrashing. So I moved over to sit near her until she woke. They're pretty normal for a new Grey Warden; I still get them from time to time myself. The taint connects us to the Archdemon, and we can hear it and see some of what it's doing. Eventually, Duncan said, we learn to block it out. He probably never had the chance to explain that to Elissa - I'm thinking there are a lot of things he never had the chance to explain to her. Never will. Guess it's up to me.

As if I can take Duncan's place, in any sense. I'm just a bastard who had enough dumb luck to escape the fate of my brothers.


	5. Archivist's Sash

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** You might notice that my dialogue doesn't always match the game perfectly. I'm sorry about that - I try to recreate things exactly, but either artistic license or faulty memory tends to get in the way. So occasionally I might have conversations in the wrong order. I hope it doesn't interfere with your enjoyment of the story.

* * *

**Chapter Five: Archivist's Sash**

_Cut from some satiny cloth, the entire surface of this belt is covered with embroidered text in the Tevinter language._

* * *

Morrigan enjoys accusing me of contemplating my navel. She said it when we first arrived in Lothering; she said it again this morning when I was quiet at breakfast. I'm sorry if I'm just not comfortable being all sorts of chatty quite yet. I know I'm normally friendlier than this, but I'm reeling from the biggest loss of my whole life and it's still weighing heavily upon me.

Sten and Leliana haven't said much about it, probably because they don't know me well. I'm sure I'll warm up to them in time, or at least I think I will. Thank the Maker for Elissa, though, she's the only one who seems to understand. When Morrigan gets on my case she changes the subject as quickly as she can - she doesn't outright tell Morrigan to stop bothering me, but it's pretty clear that this is what she wants. Fortunately, Morrigan has just enough regard for Elissa that she yields.

I don't mind talking to _her_ about what's on my mind, and she encourages me to tell her what I'm thinking whenever I feel like doing so. She's a very good listener.

We'll most likely be moving on from Lothering by the close of today. There are a few things Elissa wants to do while we're still here; the owner of the public house has offered some really good coin in exchange for some toxins that he can use to poison traps in his fields, and she's also accepted the request of a local Chanter to find the body of a boy's missing mother. It might be the boy to whom she gave a silver yesterday for food, but we don't really know for sure. We're trying to encourage everyone we meet to also move on, since it's only a matter of time before this place is overrun by darkspawn.

* * *

Eeeeugh. Giant poisonous spiders. I can't really blame Leliana for shrieking when she saw them. Well, the poisons for the pub owner have been acquired, and he paid us generously just as he promised. We came across the body of the poor dead woman on our way back, too, so that took care of the Chanter's request.

Happily, many of the refugees are taking our advice. I saw quite a few tents coming down as people prepared to make their way north. I wonder how long they have to evacuate. Ser Bryant, who commands the Templars assigned to the Lothering Chantry, assures us that he will make sure everyone is out of the village before many more days have passed. He's grateful for what assistance we've been able to provide.

While we were at the Chantry, I wandered around to the back of the building. I think I found the rose bush that Leliana mentioned. It sure looked dead enough, all right, and yet there was one single bloom clinging to life. It was so vibrant and lush that it must only have blossomed in the last few days. So this had to be the one that made Leliana think her dream was true. And I don't know why, exactly, but... I picked it. I cut the stem, stripped off the thorns, and hid it among my gear. All I could think was that the darkspawn would arrive soon, and it would be yet another victim of the Blight, and it hurt somehow to think that something so beautiful and fragile would be lost forever. I've gone soft in the head maybe, but there it is.

* * *

We've left Lothering and established a small camp for ourselves just off the imperial highway heading north. Elissa is studying her map, trying to determine whether it would be best to try calling in one of the treaties or journeying to Redcliffe to meet with Arl Eamon. It occurs to me that whenever we do go to Redcliffe, I'm going to have to admit the truth - to her if no one else - about my parentage, since there's a good chance of her finding out about it accidentally while we're there.

We've got some unexpected additions to our camp, in the form of a dwarven merchant and his lyrium-addled son. Bodahn Feddic and his boy Sandal were being beset by darkspawn as we left the village of Lothering, but we outnumbered them and it wasn't really a challenge to take them all down. In gratitude, he's decided to more or less...follow us around. I'm not sure how that's an appropriate token of thanks, except that he _is_ a merchant and he's promised us a sizeable discount on his wares. Since we've kept up the habit from Ostagar of taking the weapons and other valuables of our slain opponents, this also means we always have a ready place where we can sell them.

Ostagar. There I go again.

Ah, Leliana's timing is good. She says supper is ready. She, Sten, Elissa and I have set up tents around a central fire. Morrigan, for whatever reason, has established her own separate camp with her own fire. I don't know why she insists on isolating herself. It looks like Elissa is taking her a portion of the stew, though.

* * *

She's funny. Elissa, I mean.

She ate her supper with Morrigan, although whether Morrigan appreciated that I can't say. Then she came back to the main camp and sat talking with Leliana for a while. They actually seemed to make each other smile a bit. Leliana was a bard when she lived in Orlais, so Elissa encouraged her to sing something for us. After that she went and talked to Sten. And then she came and sat by me.

"If you don't mind my asking, what is it you're you doing?" I asked her. "Going around to everyone like this, I mean."

"My father used to do the same sort of thing with his men," she explained. "He'd talk to them, get to know them, share in their concerns. Those who followed him into battle were always convinced of his genuine regard for them, so they were never afraid to go to him with any difficulty, and their loyalty was above reproach because he won their hearts. I always thought that if I ever found myself in a leadership position like that, I would want to do the same sort of thing. I want those who follow me to look up to me, but I also want them to see me as their friend."

She told me a little of what she's learned about Sten and Leliana. It seems that the reason Sten killed the farming family was in a blind panic - he hadn't _meant_ to do it, but his sword was stolen from him while he was unconscious and it's simply not possible for a warrior of the Beresaad to return to the Qunari homeland without his sword. So he sort of temporarily lost his mind from the sheer terror, and when he came to his senses, he realized what he'd done and surrendered himself. That's how he ended up in that cage. She has promised him that we will find it, sweet girl that she is. She said he's not entirely sure he believes we can, but he seemed to appreciate the thought.

As for Leliana, she definitely is from Orlais and she definitely was a bard, but she hasn't been too forthcoming about anything else. They talked a bit more about her vision, too, and when Elissa told me that I almost mentioned the rose I had picked. I'm not sure what stopped me, any more than I'm sure why I picked it in the first place. I'll tell her sometime.

* * *

Oh. We're going to Redcliffe.

I need to find a way to tell Elissa the truth.

* * *

Leliana seems to be coming out of her shell a bit more. I'm not one for trusting blindly, especially an Orlesian, but for the most part she comes across as relatively harmless in her way. She chatters on about things like clothing and music and shoes, which I find rather mindless but it does amuse me the way it irritates Morrigan. She finally told Leliana quite bluntly to "stop talking about my breasts!" after Leliana was again going on about some dress style. It was all I could do not to snicker. Sten is considerably less entertained by the whole thing; then again, he disapproves of anything that doesn't directly impact our ultimate mission of stopping the Blight.

I think when we stop for lunch, I'm going to have a private conversation with Elissa and see what she thinks of these companions we've acquired. Sten is rigid, but reasonable; Leliana is flighty and possibly a bit unhinged; and I think Morrigan's a raging bitch and we're just lucky she seems to trust Elissa. I have to admit that they're all good fighters, though. Those are my opinions, anyway, and I wonder to what extent she shares them.

* * *

We've made camp again, and should reach Redcliffe by early afternoon tomorrow. Elissa is once again going around, now that we've all eaten, and conversing with each of us in turn. I get the impression she's saving me for last again. I think because we've known each other the longest, we trust each other more than the others, so we can converse more freely.

She's left Leliana and moved on to Sten, so the bard pulled out her dagger and started examining it to see if it needs sharpening. I guess she saw me watching, because she moved a bit closer to my side of the fire. "Elissa tells me," she said, "that Bodahn Feddic's son has a gift for putting enchanted runes into weapons. Do you think it's a good idea?"

"Well, sure. The runes come from the Circle of Magi themselves, and they can really enhance the damage your weapon can do," I replied. "I wouldn't mind picking up a few silverite runes myself - the darkspawn are very vulnerable to silverite for some reason, so it makes them easier to kill."

"I had never heard of such a thing before I came to your Ferelden. It would be nice to increase my usefulness in battle."

"You should probably get some better armor before we have to do much fighting," I advised her. She's still wearing her dress from the Chantry, and it's not the most appropriate combat gear. "I'm sure Elissa can help you find something, maybe when we get to Redcliffe."

"That seems wise. I'm surprised Morrigan is comfortable wearing so little."

"Well, she's a mage. She does most of her fighting at a distance from the enemy. She probably should wear a _little_ more at least, though."

She nodded. "Elissa says you were training to be a Templar before you became a Grey Warden. Do you like being a Warden better?"

I was surprised that she would ask, but maybe I shouldn't have been. "Yes, very much so. I feel like this is more in line with what I'm meant to do."

"Is it hard to become a Grey Warden?"

"Well, it's not easy...though to be honest, I'm not sure how we could go about making anyone else a Grey Warden even if we had the time to be recruiting," I admitted. "A lot of knowledge was lost with the sacking at Ostagar."

"Oh, yes, she told me about that too. I'm very sorry about your friends."

"Thank you."

I think she saw that I was in pain, because she excused herself rather prettily, saying she was going to go see whether Bodahn has any runes available just now. Anyway, Elissa's making her way over to me so I should stop writing.

* * *

I'm fairly sure Elissa thinks I'm some sort of an idiot.

I haven't said much about it in this journal, but the truth is that she's been very thoughtful of me while I'm dealing with my grief. She encourages me to talk about Duncan and even smiles at my stories of the other Grey Wardens. We sit side by side, when time permits, and she just listens. It helps, probably more than she even realizes. When I think of how she's treated me, and how she treats our other companions, and how generally polite she is to everyone we meet... I really don't think I've ever known anyone kinder or more compassionate.

Well, Leliana's offer of sympathy got me kind of down again, and so when Elissa came to join me I started talking about Duncan. I guess I got a little too emotional, because I asked her the dumbest question in the world. I asked her if she knew how I felt, if she'd ever lost someone dear.

I can't forget how she looked at me - not angry, not resentful, but with an absolute ocean of sadness in her eyes. "My entire family was murdered recently."

How could I be so _stupid_?! The whole reason she came to Ostagar with Duncan in the first place was because he helped her escape from the massacre at Castle Cousland! Here she's been consideration itself, trying to help me through my pain, and I never once returned the favor. Maybe she thought I didn't know - or worse, maybe she thought I didn't care. It's just that I'm so used to thinking of her as Elissa the Grey Warden, I keep forgetting that she's _also _Lady Cousland, daughter of the murdered Teyrn. She spends so much time taking care of everyone else, and all the while she's suffering in silence, grieving for her parents and whoever else died that night. Not to mention she's also sharing in _my_ grief, since she too lost all of the Grey Wardens. Sure, she never got to know them as I did - but that was hardly her fault, was it? She never had the chance.

I stammered out an apology and she she assured me that it was fine, but after that she left me and went to lavish attention on her dog. Maker only knows where her brother is, or if he lives; that mabari is all she has now.

No. Not true. She has me. She has me and I have her, and it's time I made sure she knows it. Andraste help me, I will do whatever it takes to make sure she never feels alone again.


	6. Helm of the Red

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** Because jealous!Alistair amuses me so, I'm delaying the rose presentation for a bit. Also, I'm short-cutting the quest to recover Sten's sword in this chapter, mostly because to do so much backtracking in writing would annoy me to no end. (I really did recover his sword this early in my playthrough, though, because I wanted Sten to like me.) I hope no one minds that I occasionally condense some of Alistair's conversations.

Alistair's mother's name is taken from the DA novels, where it's heavily implied that his mother wasn't a serving girl at all, but he has no reason to think she wasn't. One may presume that the records he speaks of reading were doctored, either by the arl himself or by someone paid to do the doctoring.

* * *

**Chapter Six: Helm of the Red**

_Most notably worn by Ser Ferris the Red, born of dwarven enchantment and Fereldan materials. Or so it is said. Ser Ferris was a trickster of many means, and his walk through fire took more than one road._

* * *

To be perfectly honest, I don't really sleep well unless it's Elissa's turn at watch. I would trust _her_ with my life and no questions asked, but I'm not as convinced of the reliability of the others. So I was in only a light doze between concluding that last journal entry and the time when Leliana woke her for her turn. She always wakes with a bit of a start; maybe the nightmares are still bothering her.

I waited until Leliana had gone into her tent and Elissa was sitting by the fire, then I got up. I was determined to make it up to her for how stupid I was earlier. Once I was decent, I moved over to where she was sitting. "Can't sleep... may I join you?"

"Of course."

I sat down at just a little distance from her, not wanting to get too close (and make her uncomfortable) but also not wanting to be too far (and force her to speak loudly and maybe disturb the others). "I really am sorry about what happened earlier."

"Oh - it's all right, Alistair, really. Don't worry about it. Did you want to talk about Duncan some more?"

I shook my head. "You've been listening to me a lot, and I can't tell you how I appreciate it. But I think it's time I returned the favor. If - if you want to talk - about, you know, your family - I'm here to listen."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to."

"Well..." She looked at the fire. "I was a daddy's girl, if you want to know the truth. I adored my father. He realized early in my life that I had an aptitude for swordplay, so he insisted that I be trained right alongside my brother. I also spent a lot of time with him in my grandfather's library, reading about history and learning anything that he seemed to find interesting. He always seemed to want me to make my own choices; he was even willing to discuss the possibility of my becoming a Grey Warden, once he got back from Ostagar, though of course that all went a bit differently than we thought it would."

"Yes."

"My mother was... very beautiful. Very kind. Also a great warrior, in her day - even on that last night, she was felling the enemy left and right with her bow and arrows." She closed her eyes. "Duncan was going to bring her to Ostagar too, you know, but she wouldn't leave my father and he was too badly wounded to make the journey. So she told him to just take me - and Toby," she added, opening her eyes and extending a hand to the dog lying nearby, "and she would hold them off as long as she could to keep them from finding the secret passage out of the castle. Mother never... understood me, not the way Father did, but she loved me and she made sure I always knew it."

"They both sound like... you," I admitted with a chuckle. "No, I mean, they sound like they were really good people. I'm sure I would have liked them."

"I never knew many people who didn't. I know Duncan had a lot of respect for them. He tried very hard to protect Father, and I was always grateful to him for that. Fergus - my brother - I don't know if he's still out there or not. When I got to Ostagar, King Cailan said that he was on patrol in the Wilds and he wasn't expected back anytime soon." Her eyes were dark with sorrow. "I keep thinking of that soldier we found when we went to get the darkspawn blood, the one who said he was the only one of his patrol who survived... and I wonder if he was with Fergus. In a way it's almost better if he didn't make it; I love my brother, and I don't want to have to give him this news."

"About your parents?"

"About our parents, and his wife, and their son." She looked away. "Oriana was from Antiva - the only sister I ever had. Their boy Oren, my nephew, was a bright little rascal who wanted to learn to be a soldier like his papa. They were among the first that Howe's men killed. Mother and I found them... that's when we realized that Howe wasn't taking prisoners, that he wanted us all dead."

"I'm so sorry." Maker preserve her, this woman has been through too much.

She nodded, looking at the ground. "It's painful, but... it was good to talk about them. Thank you, Alistair."

"Least I can do. I mean... we're sort of in the same boat, you and I," I mused. "We each lost our families in the course of one night. The only difference is that your family was the one you were born to, and mine was the Grey Wardens. Being with them... it was really the first time in my whole life I ever felt like I was home. You know? Do you have a place like that, a place you call home?"

Elissa looked thoughtful, gazing at the fire. "Well, until recently, I would have said Highever, of course," she mused. "But I can't go there now - Arl Howe probably gave a standing order to kill me on sight, once he realized I escaped. I guess... I guess my home, now, is with the Grey Wardens." She lifted her head to look at me. "With you."

"I didn't realize you felt that way." That made me blush a little, though hopefully the fire concealed it. And she's right, too. If our home is with the Wardens, and we're the only ones left, then in a way, Elissa _is_ my home, and I am hers. It's a strange idea. I've never thought of any one person as being home. But there she is.

She tilted her head back to look at the stars for a bit, then glanced at me again. "I have something for you," she said. Her voice almost sounded shy, which is not something I've ever thought of Elissa as being.

"For me?"

"Bodahn had it, and I just - I thought of you, right away, but I wasn't sure when to give it to you. Now seems like a good time, though." She passed me a small bundle of cloth. I pulled back the wrappings to reveal a puppet, and after a moment I realized it was a puppet dressed to look like a Grey Warden.

"For me?" I repeated. "Really? This is - wow! I mean - _wow_!"

"Do you like it?"

"Yes!" I must have looked like a buffoon, but I couldn't stop smiling. "Thank you!"

"You're very welcome." She looked happy, and relieved. I wonder if she was afraid I would think her gift was stupid. But I don't. I really do like it. Her.

I really do like her.

Oh, help.

* * *

Well, now this is going to be all sorts of awkward. I'm not good at talking to women in general. And I've never been drawn to any woman the way I'm drawn to this one, so that's just going to make it worse.

We're on our way to Redcliffe, shouldn't be much longer. We've stopped for a breather and I'm trying to scribble down these thoughts that are running like scared rabbits through my mind. Oh, Maker, I'm going to have to tell Elissa the truth. I mean, the truth about Maric, not the truth about - this. I'd almost forgotten.

Why did she have to be so pretty? And nice? This would be so much easier if she was a plain-looking girl, or had a bad temper, or something. But no, she's just about perfect, and I'm... me. Great. I don't have a prayer.

* * *

Another day of utter madness, and a night of it expected before much longer.

Well, first, I had to get my personal issue out of the way. Just before we got to the border of Redcliffe village, I asked Elissa if I could speak to her alone. Morrigan made some sort of derisive noise but I just ignored her and acted like it was Grey Warden business. Once we'd stepped away from the others, I laid it out plain. I had told her that I was a bastard already, so it was really just a matter of amending my previous story to admit that my missing father was the king, but I was afraid of her reaction. I had lied, and I hoped she could forgive me.

That she was _surprised_ by the news that I'm actually a royal bastard was obvious enough. "Can I ask... why you didn't tell me?"

"To be honest, I don't usually talk about it with people who don't already know," I admitted. "Out of all the Grey Wardens, only Duncan ever knew. There wasn't a good time before the battle, it's not the sort of thing you just bring up with someone you just met. And afterward - well, I should have told you, but... I guess I just wanted you to like me for who I am."

She softened a bit at that. "I _do_ like you for who you are."

Well, that was good to hear. "Can you forgive me for keeping the truth from you?"

"I think I understand why you did. It's all right, Alistair, of course I forgive you."

"Good. Now you can go back to just thinking I'm some nobody who was lucky enough not to die at Ostagar with the rest of the Grey Wardens."

Her lips twitched like she was going to laugh, but then she paused, her expression suddenly serious. "What does that make _me_, then?"

Oops. Time for a flattering truth to smooth over that little error. I gave her a quick smile. "You're the reason I think we have a chance."

With this behind us, we rejoined the others and started to enter the village only to be intercepted on the bridge by a farmer named Tomas. He escorted us to the Redcliffe Chantry, where I was surprised to see none other than Bann Teagan himself. Of course, he was just as surprised to see me, and chuckled when I reminded him that I'd been covered in mud on our last meeting. He seemed a bit... _enchanted_ by Elissa, to be perfectly honest, and asked whether they'd ever met before since she struck him as very familiar.

"You might have known my father, Teyrn Bryce Cousland?"

"Of course, that would be it." He offered his condolences for the loss of her family, but then began to explain what was going on. Things are even worse in Redcliffe than I could have guessed. Not only is Arl Eamon just as sick as Ser Donall had told us in Lothering, but for the last few nights, the _undead_ have come wandering down from the castle to attack the village! It seems too horrible to be real, but if Bann Teagan tells us so, then it must be true.

Well, of course, Elissa insisted that we stay and help. Teagan directed her to speak with Murdock, the village mayor, to find out what needed to be done. Sten objected, pointing out that this isn't directly related to our defeating the Archdemon, but Elissa was firm. "I will not forsake these people."

So off we went to see the mayor. He said that the blacksmith was holed up in his smithy and refusing to provide the weapons repairs that were so desperately needed, and meanwhile a dwarf warrior by the name of Dwyn was holed up in his house and refusing to help defend the village. If we could just deal with those two issues, it would be a huge help.

Right, because they sounded totally easy to handle. Honestly, sometimes even _I_ don't know what to make of Elissa, but she just squared her shoulders and headed to the smithy. The door was locked, so first she had to charm her way inside. The smith, Owen, was drunk, but intelligible. She had to question him for a while to get him to start wailing about his missing daughter Valena. Seems that Valena is a lady-in-waiting to Arlessa Isolde, she who had me packed off to the Chantry, and hasn't been seen since the whole undead thing started happening.

"So if I find your daughter," Elissa said thoughtfully, "you'll fire up your smithy?"

"If she's alive - promise me," he begged her. "Give me your word that you'll find out what's happened to her."

She nodded. "I promise. If your daughter is alive in that castle, I will find her."

Sten spoke low in my ear. "How can she make such promises that she might not be able to keep? It seems unworthy of her."

"Oh, believe me," I replied quietly, "she'll do everything in her power to keep it."

With the smithy up and running again (to Murdock's profound astonishment, judging by the look on his face as we passed), we headed over to the house he had identified as Dwyn's. There was no charming her way in this time, though, so Elissa calmly kicked open the door. Dwyn was less than delighted by the entrance, and our reason for inviting ourselves in didn't go over well either. "I'll tell you what I told Murdock. I'm not risking my neck for this town."

Elissa quickly figured out that appealing to Dwyn's better nature was a lost cause, so she went for a completely different tactic. "Suppose I pay you."

"What?"

"If I pay you to defend the village, will you do it?"

She handed over fifty silvers, to which he grunted. "All right. I'll throw in with the milita - for now. You'd better be out there too, when the sun goes down."

"We will, don't worry."

Dwyn and his men headed out to join those gathering in front of the Chantry, and we started to follow them, but Elissa paused. Something in the corner of the room had caught her eye, and she moved over for a closer look. "Sten," she said, "what exactly does a Qunari blade look like?"

"My sword, Asala, has a long gold-colored hilt," he replied. "The blade is forged of blue steel, and has jagged teeth on one side. It is an intricate work of art."

"It doesn't happen to look like... this, does it?" She turned, and we saw what had caught her attention - a very odd-looking sword.

It was the closest I've ever seen Sten to looking _shocked_. "Asala."

"Take it, my friend. I told you we'd get it back and we have." She passed it to him carefully, and we headed outside.

"Are you sure you're a woman?" I heard him ask, and she laughed, asking why he would ask such a thing. Sten explained that in Qunari culture, women are not warriors, and there is no question that Elissa is a warrior so he wondered if perhaps she isn't really a woman. (She is.) "I think," he went on, "you must be an _ashkari_ to find a single lost blade in a country at war. I would thank you for this, if I knew how." And he actually smiled at her. "I think I could give a much more satisfying answer to the Arishok's question if the Blight were ended, don't you agree?"

"Absolutely." Her turn to smile.

As we walked back to the Chantry, I asked her what that meant. She explained that the whole reason Sten's in Ferelden at all is because the Arishok - I think that's the leader of his people - wants to know the answer to one question: "What is a Blight?" What Sten had said to her meant that he's decided to stay with us until the Archdemon is defeated.

We spoke to Murdock, and then entered the Chantry to speak with Bann Teagan, who was rather amazed at the amount of work we - well, Elissa - had been able to accomplish in so short a time.

I'm not best pleased by what came next. Not sure why she wanted to know more about Teagan _personally_, but she asked if he had any family. Okay, maybe she just wanted to know if he'd brought any sons to fight alongside us, or... or something. I don't know. He said he's never had the _pleasure_ of being married, and that he'd think himself very lucky to find a woman like _her_.

You know, I've always liked Teagan, but I found myself wanting to sort of casually hit him over the head to make him stop talking.

Luckily she brought the conversation back to the matter at hand. He suggested we go up to the windmill and speak with Ser Perth, to see if his men need anything for tonight. So we trudged up the hill, and traded pleasantries with the knight, and Andraste's garters I swear every man in this country has a thing for Elissa because he seemed like he was flirting too. Okay, maybe I'm imagining it. Anyway, he wanted some sort of blessing from Mother Hannah in the Chantry for his men, something to give them hope while they fight. So it was back _down _the hill to the Chantry and speaking to her and then back _up_ the hill to deliver some charms that he could dole out to his soldiers and it was getting a bit tiresome.

We went up to the little tavern for something to eat, to get us through the next several hours of fighting. Elissa left us here, however, and the rest of us are sitting around sort of looking at each other. Seems like we don't really know how to talk to one another when she's not around. She's gone back down to the village, something about speaking with the people in the Chantry. I wonder if she means Teagan.

I'm going to try not to think about it.

* * *

Only an hour or so now until sundown, when the undead will presumably make their march on the village once again. The women, children, and elderly are shut up in the Chantry along with Teagan - he's willing enough to be part of the battle but it's generally been agreed that, as the arl's brother, we need him to remain safe so he can lead the region during the arl's illness.

Turns out he wasn't who Elissa meant. She wanted to talk to the people taking refuge in the Chantry, find out if they needed anything before the doors were sealed for the night. She did meet one girl, Kaitlyn, whose brother had gone missing, and Elissa tracked down the child for her so he'd be safe during the battle. Their parents have already been killed during the previous nights' raids.

She's taken each of us aside, in turn, and questioned whether we're really willing to fight this battle. She said she won't force it on any of us, and that if we want to wait in camp beyond the village limits, she'll understand. But she can't in good conscience leave these people to their fate. I'm sure Morrigan rolled her eyes, and I have my doubts about whether Sten agreed with the philosophy either, but neither one left. Leliana insisted on remaining to help, and naturally, so did I. My place is beside my fellow Grey Warden, to whatever end. As for Toby, well, she didn't even bother asking.

Partly to pass the time, mostly out of real curiosity, I've been poking through a number of archive books in the Chantry - well, I was until they barred the doors with me on the outside. I wanted to find out if there was any record of my mother. And it turns out that there is! Her name was Fiona. Not only that, but she had another child, a few years before I came along. There's a mention of her daughter, who was more or less left to her own devices after our mother died. I have a sister. I can't understand why the arl didn't take her in too - no, wait, yes I can. She wasn't Maric's. Anyway, there's a record of her birth, and it says eventually she went off in a wagon caravan to Denerim. Her name was Goldanna - _is_ Goldanna, I should say. And you know, I was in Denerim with the Templars a few years back, and there was a laundress named Goldanna living in the market district. It's not exactly a common name. That must be my sister!

So when it was my turn to speak with Elissa about things, I decided to bring it up. First, I told her that I will fight at her side against _any_ enemy, and she doesn't ever even need to ask me. She looked really grateful for that. Maker's breath, her eyes are _blue_. Almost like lyrium.

Er, I'm getting sidetracked. That out of the way, I told her what I'd learned about my sister. I asked if, should Denerim happen to be in our way at any point, we could stop by. At least I could warn Goldanna about the Blight, if nothing else, and maybe... just maybe... I could have a relationship with her like I never could with Cailan. Elissa was very understanding (then again, when is she not?) and promised that if we find ourselves in the vicinity, of course we'll pay a call.

All the family research made me think, again, about my mother's amulet. When I was told I was being sent away to the care of the Chantry, I threw it at the wall and it smashed. I've missed it many times over the years, it was all I had of hers. Stupid boy I was. I told Elissa about it, when I confessed the secret about my parentage.

The sun gets low in the sky. Let's hope we see it return again in the morning.


	7. Genitivi's Research

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** Thank you for all the new reviews and favorites! Special thanks to the owner(s) of the "datalistair" blog on Tumblr, who shared the story with their followers; I know that's where some of you found it. I'm sorry for the delay in updating. I'm in the path of Hurricane Sandy, so I've been preoccupied with that lately, and I'm trying to update this now while I can in case I lose power in the next day or so.

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Genitivi's Research**

_Amidst ramblings about local legends and ancient trade routes, one passage stands out. "The village of Haven in the Frostbacks seems a good place to start. Pity it's not on any maps."_

* * *

Andraste be praised, we survived the night.

In a way, after fighting so many darkspawn, this didn't really seem all that difficult. Maybe I'm getting complacent. The night started out pretty creepy, though. A cloud of what looked like smoke crawled along the path from the castle and slowly cascaded down the hills into the village, and the undead were on us. It took all of our combined strength, but when the sun came up over Lake Calenhad, we had _all_ survived! Not a single villager was lost!

Bann Teagan came out and made a great speech about how valorous we all were, and then he turned to give most of the credit to Elissa. That's fair enough, really - it's because of her that we stayed to fight, it's because of her that the smithy opened and Dwyn joined the battle. She deserved to be recognized. "I bow to you, dear lady," he said. (Not sure I like that, but on the other hand I don't really get a say about it.) He said that the Maker was generous in sending her to him (I think I like that even less, I don't think Elissa was sent to _him_ but what do I know) and then he gave her the Helm of the Red, a Guerrin family heirloom that was worn in battle by some uncle of his. And she blushed prettily and accepted the gift, but she insisted on giving credit to the courage of the men of the village and us, her companions.

There was a brief prayer vigil in which everyone gave thanks to the Maker, and then Bella - the nice serving girl from up at the tavern - came out and called for everyone to come up and have breakfast on the house. Very considerate. That's where we are right now as I update this. We can't stay long, because Bann Teagan asked us - well, asked Elissa, but she's not going without us - to meet him up at the windmill to talk about the situation in the castle. We need to get in there and figure out what's causing the undead attacks. Right now she's talking with the girl Kaitlyn, the one whose brother she found yesterday. The two are orphans now, and their only hope of staying together is to travel to Denerim in a caravan to stay with relatives, but it costs money they don't have. I'd wager anything I own that I know what Elissa will - yes, there she goes, she just handed over a sovereign.

I didn't realize it, but Sten's watching her too. "An honorable gesture," he said.

I think Sten's actually grown fond of Elissa. That's interesting. It doesn't seem to be romantic, or at least not in a way that we'd recognize as romantic here in Ferelden; mostly he just seems to have stopped challenging a lot of her decisions.

Ah, she's ready. To the windmill, then.

* * *

Back in camp, and things are just getting progressively stranger.

We met Bann Teagan at the mill, as he requested, but before we could work out any sort of plan, Lady Isolde came running up to beg him to return with her. She said she thinks Connor might be going mad. Connor, of course, is her and Arl Eamon's son; I've only seen him once or twice, I barely know him. But I know enough _of_ him to know that he's pretty much the center of his parents' lives.

She wasn't thrilled to see me. She also refused our offers to come back to the castle with them.

Teagan was smart enough to know something wasn't right. He gave Elissa his signet ring and told her to use it to enter the hidden passage inside the mill, a secret known only to the Guerrin family. All noble households have secret escape passages, of course; Elissa knows that well enough, after her own escape from Castle Cousland. Oh, I hope this wasn't a painful reminder. Anyway, he told us that once we were inside, we should open the gate to let Ser Perth and his men inside to assist with whatever the situation turned out to be.

It wasn't too hard for us to get in, although we did encounter some more undead on the way. We also encountered a blood mage locked in a prison cell. He gave up quite a bit of information - it turns out that Connor is a mage! Lady Isolde's family has a fair few mages, and I guess he inherited the skill, but she didn't want him taken away by the Circle so she recruited this apostate Jowan to tutor him so he could learn to hide it. This turned out to be a really bad idea, because not only is Jowan wanted by the Circle, but he was hired by _Loghain _to poison Eamon! That's why he's so sick! Worse, Connor doesn't have a good grasp of his powers, and he accidentally pulled something through the Veil. It's taken control of his body.

Elissa let Jowan go, which I kind of questioned (since he is a wanted man) but she said she couldn't bring herself to kill him, nor leave him to be killed by any wandering undead. I guess I understand that. He ran off, and who knows where he is now.

We continued through the castle. In another room we found Velanna, or whatever her name was - the smith's daughter that Elissa promised to find. Well, she kept her promise. The girl's run back to the village to let her father know she's okay. We got to the courtyard and opened the gate for Ser Perth and his soldiers, and they joined our exploring party. Finally we got to the great hall, and... Maker, that was bizarre. The demon that's possessing Connor had turned Teagan into some kind of mad jester, and he was cavorting all over the place doing wild tumbles and tricks. It was unsettling, actually. And then we entered, and the demon fixated on Elissa at once. (Maybe I should stop letting her walk in front.) "So... these are our visitors. The ones you told me about, Mother. And this is the one who defeated my soldiers? The ones I sent to reclaim my village?"

"Y-yes."

"Now it's staring at me! What is it, Mother? I can't see it well enough," he demanded.

"This is a woman, Connor. Just as I am." I felt sorry for Lady Isolde, she sounded so tired and afraid.

"You lie! This woman is nothing at all like you!" I tried to move to shield Elissa, but she put a hand on my arm to keep me from doing so. "Why, just look at her!" continued the demon. "Half your age, and pretty too. I'm surprised you don't order her executed in a fit of jealousy!"

That was unduly harsh, I thought. Lady Isolde is not my favorite person by a long shot, but she's not _that_ unreasonable. At least, I don't think she is... anyway, she begged him not to hurt anyone. And suddenly he put a hand to his eyes, and started asking her what was happening. His voice changed; when the demon had spoken, the voice had an echo-y sort of sound to it, but now he sounded like a normal boy. I guess Connor has moments where the demon's grip loosens. Poor Isolde thought that maybe he'd broken through for good, but a moment later the demon was back and all but threatening her.

"Maker's breath, what's happening here?" Ser Perth asked.

For the first time, Lady Isolde looked at us, and addressed herself to Elissa. "Grey Warden... please, don't hurt my son! He's not responsible for what he does!"

Apparently, at least according to Isolde, the mage Jowan summoned a demon. Connor wanted to help his father, so he somehow ended up agreeing to be possessed in exchange for Eamon's life. The demon protested that it was a fair deal, since Eamon still lives, and meanwhile it's Connor's turn "to sit on the throne and send my armies to conquer the world! Nobody tells me what to do anymore!"

Teagan parroted this, and _cackled_. That man should not cackle. Funny thing, the demon seemed to agree with me, because he told Teagan to be quiet. Then he said he'd give Elissa the audience she wanted, and asked why she had come.

"I came to help, if I can."

"To help me? To help Father? To help yourself? Which?"

"To help the arl, of course."

"So you're a concerned well-wisher." I can't decide even now if the demon was being serious or sarcastic, honestly. "Why didn't you say that in the first place? All this sneaking around and killing is so unnecessary! But Father is so very ill, we really shouldn't disturb him. Isn't that right, Mother?"

"I... I don't think..."

"Of course you don't! Ever since you sent the knights away, you do nothing but deprive me of my fun. Frankly, it's getting dull." He - it - looked at us again. "I crave excitement and action! This woman spoiled my sport by saving that stupid village, and now she'll repay me!"

And with that, the great hall turned into a free-for-all. Teagan and several of Eamon's soldiers, clearly still under the demon's control, attacked us. It wasn't too hard for us to dispatch them, but I had to hit Teagan pretty hard and I felt guilty. The weird part is that even though the demon wanted the fight to happen, Connor hates violence and ran out of the room to hide in his own chambers. So he didn't even stay to watch.

That was a good thing in its way, though, because it released Teagan and the soldiers from the demon's grip. Poor Bann Teagan apologized profusely, even though it wasn't his fault, and then he and we and Lady Isolde had a discussion about what to do. In essence, there were three options before us - kill Connor, or track down that mage Jowan and try to make him undo what he'd done, or go to the Circle of Magi for help. None of us were very enthusiastic about killing a child, and Jowan's probably a lost cause, and we need to go to the Circle anyway because of the treaty so that makes the most sense.

Elissa talked to Isolde a little bit about the quest on which she sent the knights. She agreed that reviving Arl Eamon does have to be made a priority, and that we would do what we could to assist. When we met with Ser Donall in Lothering, he mentioned a Brother Genitivi in Denerim, whose research was important to the search for Andraste's ashes. So we're on our way there first, rather than directly to the Circle of Magi. It's a little bit out of the way, to be honest, and if I didn't know better I'd almost think Elissa was doing this just so I could meet with Goldanna at the first possible opportunity.

She wouldn't do that, right? I mean, that can't be the reason, can it?

* * *

Maybe it was. I don't know.

What I do know is that upon our arrival in Denerim, the first order of business was to find the home of this Brother Genitivi. We almost didn't get there, because one of Loghain's soldiers - I forget the name, Ser Something or Other - ambushed us and tried to challenge Elissa to honorable duel. He claimed that he was a friend of some of those who died at Ostagar and blamed the Grey Wardens, specifically her, for their deaths. (You know, I can't decide if I'm insulted or relieved by all these people who either don't know or forget or just plain ignore the fact that _I'm_ a Grey Warden too.) Anyway, she refused to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent, and chased him off. He said it won't be the last we see of him.

Well, with that done, we found Brother Genitivi's place just off the market district. He wasn't there, but his assistant Waylon was. Nervous-looking fellow. The way he kept glancing around while he talked made me wonder if he wasn't keeping something from us. He said we should go to Lake Calenhad, because his master was heading there and planning to stay at some inn. That's kind of convenient, in its way, since we have to go to Lake Calenhad to get to the mages' tower anyway.

We passed through the marketplace, picked up a few odds and ends - food, mostly - and then I saw the laundress's shop. "Elissa? Can I have a word?"

"What's on your mind, Alistair?"

"That's my sister's house." I pointed. "I'm almost sure of it. This is the right address. She could be inside... could we go and see?"

"Wouldn't you rather meet her on your own?"

I started babbling, because that's just what I do. I admitted I was nervous. Sister is a funny word. Oh, Maker, I don't know half of what I said, but I do know that I all but begged her to go with me. I didn't really want the whole group to go, but having Elissa at my side just always seems to bolster my courage. So she asked the others to wait in the market, and she and I went into the house.

Goldanna's a pretty woman - not as pretty as Elissa, being older and kind of careworn, but still pretty. There's a hint of something elvish in her features. She thought we were there to have laundry done, and I apologized for the mistake. "My name's Alistair. I'm - well, this may sound sort of strange, but - are you Goldanna? If so, I suppose, well, I'm your brother."

At first she seemed mostly confused. Then suspicious. And then, when I mentioned our mother serving at Redcliffe Castle, she got this terrible look on her face. "_You_!" she cried. "They told me you were dead! They told me the babe was dead along with Mother, but I knew they was lying!"

"They told you I was dead?! Who told you that?"

"Them at the castle! I told them the babe was the king's, and they said it was dead! Gave me a coin to shut my mouth and sent me on my way!" I couldn't tell if she was angry or trying not to cry. Maybe both. "I knew it!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that. The babe didn't die... I'm him. Your brother."

I don't know what I expected, really. I guess I expected her to hug me, tell me she was glad I was alive, tell me about our mother. None of that happened. She started ranting about how hard her life has been since then, how she has children to support (though I didn't see any evidence of children in the room) and that I killed our mother.

It was that last bit that hurt, and maybe it showed on my face, because that's when Elissa decided to speak. "That's hardly Alistair's fault."

"And who in the Maker's name are you?" Goldanna asked her. "Some tart following after his riches, I expect?"

Up to that moment I'd really started to feel sorry for her, but she ruined all my sympathy with that comment. No one had ever dared to be so rude to Elissa in front of me before, and I have to admit I'm actually a little surprised by just _how_ angry it made me. "Don't speak to her that way! She's my friend, and a Grey Warden just like me!"

Goldanna was not impressed. "Oh, I see. A prince and a Grey Warden too - well, who am I to think poorly of someone so high and mighty compared to me? I don't know you, _boy_. Your royal father forced himself on my mother and took her away from me." I somehow doubt that's how it really went down, but she was only a child at the time and I can't blame her for being angry about that. She went on, "And what do I have to show for it? Nothing! They tricked me good, I should have told everyone! I've got five mouths to feed, and unless you can help with that, I've got less than no use for you."

It amazes me that I can write down everything she said. It's still ringing in my mind with crystal clarity. I stammered out an apology, but I couldn't very well give her the companions' communal money. Then she demanded that I go to "whatever high and mighty folk you run with" and tell them that my nieces and nephews aren't living like they deserve.

"It looks like all she wants is your money," said Elissa quietly. "Well, maybe we can do something for them somewhere along the way."

It did look like that and I couldn't help agreeing. "I'm starting to wonder why I came."

"I don't know why you came either," Goldanna snapped, "or what you expected to find, but it isn't here. Now get out of my house, the both of you."

We left. Maybe I'm just not meant to have a real family; my brother barely knew me and my sister doesn't _want_ to know me. "That shrew is my sister?" I asked Elissa as we walked back toward the market. I wasn't quite ready to face the others just yet, and I slowed my steps so she would slow likewise. "I guess I expected her to accept me without question - isn't that what families do? I feel like a complete idiot."

"You're not an idiot. I'm sorry it happened that way," she said gently. "But the reality is that most everyone is really out for themselves. You're going to have to learn that - you need to put yourself first a bit more often."

"Yes... I suppose you're right. Let's just go; I don't want to talk about this anymore."

* * *

We collected the others and returned to camp, and I kept quiet. I wanted to think about what Elissa had said.

She makes a good point. I mean, it's been my own experience that people really do often put themselves first. Arl Eamon raised me, and I won't say he wasn't kind to me, but why did he do it? Because I was the king's son. He probably wanted to have influence at court in the event that I ever had to take the throne, not that this is going to happen. Duncan was good to me too, and probably the only real father figure I ever properly had, but he took me from the Chantry for his own purposes. Flemeth saved my life - who knows why? She's got some plot in mind, I'm sure of it, and that's the real reason she sent Morrigan with us. Sten joined us because he would have died otherwise. Leliana - well, I'm still not convinced of her sanity. Even Bodahn Feddic is only helping us because he profits from our business, really.

And I'm thinking of other examples now too, examples that don't affect me directly. Ser Jory, for instance. He agreed to join the Grey Wardens because he wanted glory and prestige. When it came to making actual sacrifice, he panicked and tried to withdraw.

Truth is, this is a selfish, selfish world. And I guess if I want to survive in it, I've got to be a little more selfish too.

After dinner, once Elissa had made her usual rounds (and, I suspect, fended off a few questions about what had happened in Denerim), she came and sat by me. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been thinking," I told her. "Back when we left Goldanna's, you told me I need to look out for myself more. I'm beginning to think you're right."

"Oh yes?"

"I need to stop letting everyone else make my decisions for me." In a way, that's all I've done through my whole life. "I need to take a stand and think about myself, or I'm never going to be happy."

"As long as you continue to listen to me, you'll be fine," she said teasingly. More seriously she added, "That's a wise decision, Alistair. I want you to be happy."

I looked at her for a moment. "You were wrong about something, though."

"About what?"

"You said that everyone is out for themselves."

"Yes, pretty nearly everyone."

"Not everyone is like that. You're not like that."

"Oh, well..." She looked a bit flustered. "There are things I want too, you know."

I hope she tells me what they are sometime. "Well, I just wanted to thank you. Being with you is the one bright spot out of everything that's happened."

She bit her lip. I never saw her do that before, and I couldn't stop staring at her mouth. "I feel the same way."


	8. Senior Enchanter's Robes

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** Happy to report that we were extremely lucky - no property damage or loss of power from Hurricane Sandy. Sending out all my very best wishes to those who were affected!

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Senior Enchanter's Robes**

_Robes such as these are worn by the senior enchanters of the Circle of Magi._

* * *

We haven't revisited the subject of Goldanna, Elissa and I, nor do I plan to bring it up. I'll make my peace with it in time. So what if I'm not meant to have a traditional family? I had one for a short time, in the Grey Wardens, and that's something. And there's at least one person in the world who cares about me. Not just that, but she cares about me for _me_, for who I am myself.

She might be the first person who ever has.

* * *

Well, that was dark and disturbing.

We reached the shores of Lake Calenhad and found the inn without difficulty. The Spoiled Princess, it's called; made us all chuckle a little. But when we got inside, the innkeeper acted very strange when Elissa started asking about Brother Genitivi. He said he'd never heard of such a person, he didn't know anything about any knights from Redcliffe, and we really should be on our way.

She moved in closer and started using her persuasive skills to get him to open up. The rest of us tried to form sort of a loose protective wall around her, to shield the conversation from prying eyes, so I couldn't really listen too well. She told us later that a group of people - the innkeeper had no idea who they were - had threatened to kill his wife and son if he gave out any information concerning the search for Andraste's ashes. She promised to take care of it, and then we all went outside to discuss the matter a bit privately.

Only that didn't quite happen, since the second we left the inn we were _ambushed_. This group of crazed-looking people attacked our party. We outnumbered them just barely, so it wasn't very hard to defeat them, but usually I have some idea as to why someone's trying to kill me. Once Elissa told us about her conversation with the innkeeper, it made more sense. Still, it was strange and a little frightening.

Elissa and Leliana looted the bodies of their weapons and money, and then Sten and I tossed them into the shallows of Lake Calenhad. We went back into the Spoiled Princess, where the innkeeper thanked us profusely for dealing with the problem. I can't blame the man for being terrified, considering what they were threatening, but he couldn't offer any information about _why_ they were acting this way. "Do you know who they were?" he asked Elissa.

"No," she replied shortly, "but I'm going to find out."

Out of gratitude for getting rid of the crazy killers, the innkeeper gave us our suppers for free, though we still had to pay for the rooms we rented for the night. We took up a table in a corner, and while we ate we discussed the situation. Elissa gave us all the particulars of her first conversation with the innkeeper, and we decided that when we had the opportunity, we'd return to Denerim and ask Waylon why he sent us into a death trap. If Waylon's in on it, then where is his master really?

We agreed to see about crossing Lake Calenhad to the mages' tower at first light, since by the time we reached the docks it was already past sundown and it seemed unlikely that the ferry would be operational. Once we finished eating, everyone turned in, but I detained Leliana in the hallway for a few minutes. Elissa gave us a strange look, but didn't question it.

And then I proceeded to act like an idiot again. "Leliana... you're female, right?"

"I am? That's news, when did that happen?"

Okay, so it was a stupid question. "I just wanted some advice. What should I do if I... if I think a woman is... special, and...?"

"And you want to woo her? Well, here's a tip," she said dryly. "Don't question her about her female-ness."

"All right, yes, good point," I grumbled.

"Why do you ask? Are you afraid things will not proceed naturally?"

"Why would they? Especially when I do things like ask women if they're female!"

"It adds to your charm, Alistair. You're a little awkward; it's endearing."

"So I should be... awkward?" I can do that like a champion, but it seemed a bit counter-intuitive. "Didn't you just tell me _not_ to do things like that?"

"Just be yourself. You do know how to do that, don't you?"

"All right, forget I asked." Be myself. Right.

And then Leliana chuckled. "Just talk to Elissa about it if you're so concerned."

"No, I can't d- wait, I - who said it was -" Blast it, she caught me, and the more I tried to protest the more tongue-tied I became. She laughed. "How did you know?"

"Process of elimination," she replied sweetly. "It can't be Morrigan, because you two can barely stand the sight of one another. And if it were me, or a woman outside of our companions, you would be asking Elissa for the advice because you two are thick as thieves. Besides, I've seen the way you look at her when you think no one is watching."

"Oh."

"And I've seen the way she looks at you."

"...she looks at me? Really?"

She laughed again, and moved to enter the room she was sharing with the other women. "Pleasant dreams, Grey Warden."

So now I can't sleep, because I'm wondering how Elissa looks at me. And when. And why. And whether I'm glad Leliana told me this or if I would have been better off not knowing.

* * *

My rose is dying. The one I picked in Lothering, I mean. I guess I should have known that would happen, but it still makes me sad. Such a beautiful thing in the midst of so much sadness.

* * *

Well, that was an adventure.

We left the Spoiled Princess and went down to the docks of Lake Calenhad, where a very young Templar refused to give us passage to the tower. The Circle Tower, as a point of interest, predates the actual Circle of Mages. It's like Ostagar - a relic of the Tevinter Imperium. The imperial highway used to lead right up to it, in fact, but a massive chunk of that has fallen out and so the only way to access the island is to be rowed across the lake. Which is what we needed this young fellow to do, but he kept saying no. Said that Knight-Commander Greagoir posted him there to prevent people from coming to the tower. Even Elissa's Grey Warden credentials didn't faze him very much.

And then Sten gave him cookies.

I couldn't make this up if I tried. He said that when we were last passing through a village, some pudgy kid was eating more than his fair share of cookies so he relieved the boy of them. Elissa did mention that Sten has a sweet tooth. Even funnier, the bribe actually _worked._

So then we got to the tower, and - by the Maker, nothing can ever be simple and straightforward, can it? Apparently the tower has been overrun by abominations. Knight-Commander Greagoir had sealed off the majority of the tower so they couldn't escape; they'd already killed several mages and Templars by the time we arrived. He had sent for permission to perform the Rite of Annulment - essentially to destroy the tower, and everyone in it, because he saw no other way to be sure of preventing the abominations from escaping into the kingdom. He was sure no one was still alive.

Unsurprisingly, Elissa volunteered to go into the mouth of the beast, as it were, to see if there was anyone who could still be saved. Greagoir had serious doubts, but said that he supposed she had a better chance than most. But he warned her that once she entered the tower, she would not be permitted to come back out unless she found and brought out First Enchanter Irving. "If I have it from the First Enchanter that it's safe, then I'll open the tower."

"All right. Give me a few minutes."

We convened at one side of the entrance hall to discuss the situation. "I think a smaller party is best, in this situation," she said. "Toby, I want you to wait here." The dog whined but sat down. "Alistair, will you come with me?"

"Of course."

"Leliana, your lock-picking skills are likely to be of use, so if you're willing I'd like you to come as well. Sten, Morrigan, I'd rather you stayed here."

"Why?"

"Because you are a foreign warrior and an apostate mage and I can't guarantee that any Templars left inside there will react well to your presence. Besides, if the worst should happen, Morrigan, I'll be counting on you to find some way to continue leading the quest."

"This is your will, _kadan_?" asked Sten.

I had to interrupt here. "What's a kadan?"

He gave a huff of annoyance. "It is a Qunari form of address for one who is highly esteemed," he replied. "Translated most directly into your tongue, it means 'close to the heart.'" So I was right, he _has_ grown fond of Elissa.

It took a little more persuading, but they finally consented to her decision. Before we could part from them, however, Morrigan pulled Elissa aside for a few private words. I didn't know what that was about until later, but even at the time I thought it seemed like she was asking Elissa for a favor of some kind. I saw Elissa nod.

We dealt, briefly, with the quartermaster of the tower, in order to unload the items we'd collected from our attackers by the docks and purchase a few extra healing potions; then, bravely as we dared, we entered the tower proper. The doors shut behind us, heavy with finality. I wondered if we would ever leave again.

The first floor was not too bad, for the most part. This was chiefly a series of dormitories that, in ordinary times, would be occupied by apprentice mages. A few of them had, somehow, managed to survive and remain in hiding in their rooms; they paid us little attention and we didn't try to disturb them. In point of fact, we came across nothing whatever until we had gone almost all the way around the tower. And then we entered a room and found a few mages, including one older woman who was actively involved in driving off an abomination which had broken through a force field covering the door. There was something vaguely familiar about her, but I couldn't figure out what.

Elissa, however, could, and as soon as the fight was over and the mage turned around to see us, she gave a small cry. "_Wynne_?"

"You know her?" asked Leliana.

"She served with us at Ostagar," Elissa explained. Right, _that's_ why she looked familiar. So Elissa and I aren't the only ones who escaped with our lives; good to know. "I met her the day I became a Grey Warden. It's good to see that you survived, Wynne."

"It's you," said the mage called Wynne. "No - come no farther. Grey Warden or no, I will strike you down where you stand."

I could see by Elissa's face that this startled her deeply. A lengthy discussion followed, in which she had to persuade Wynne that we had come to help save whoever could be saved - not kill them on the order of the Templars. Wynne explained that she had erected the barrier to protect the mage children, but that if we were really there to fight off the abominations, she would lower the barrier and accompany us into the rest of the tower to join our fight. The younger mages who were with her, she said, could guard the children. "Even if we cannot defeat all the demons, at least we can lead the survivors out," she said. "I am sure that once Greagoir sees that we have made the tower safe, he will tell his men to back down. He is not unreasonable."

"He said that he will only halt the Rite of Annulment if we bring First Enchanter Irving to him," Elissa warned.

"Then we must move quickly, and try to find him as fast as possible," said Wynne. She gave instructions to the younger mages about caring for the children in her absence, then - once we indicated that we were ready - she removed the barrier and we entered the tower.

Elissa took a scant few minutes to introduce Leliana and myself to Wynne. She was polite to Leliana, but gave me a funny look, and I realized she was doing the same thing I had, trying to figure out why I looked familiar. "I was at Ostagar too," I said. "Elissa and I are the last of the Grey Wardens."

"Ah, yes. You were sort of an apprentice to Duncan, weren't you? I remember now. I'm sorry for your loss... he was a good man."

"Thank you, yes. He was."

The battles were difficult, but not impossible. Being almost a Templar, I had some experience with facing abominations - well, _theoretical_ experience, which is really not experience at all come to think of it. I suppose it doesn't matter. To my mind, and maybe to hers but I haven't had the chance to ask her, it was quite a bit like when Elissa and I fought our way through the Tower of Ishal to the signal beacon. We handled it fairly methodically, going through each room and clearing it thoroughly of all the horrors within. A few of the mages (including Tranquil) were still alive, we found, and once it was safe for them to do so we urged them to go downstairs to wait in the room where we'd left the children. One Tranquil, whose name I forget, was the caretaker of some records room and he preferred to stay there. He mentioned a missing friend called Niall, and even at the time I remember thinking that the name was going to be somehow important.

I did notice Elissa acting a little strangely when we entered a room that Wynne identified as the First Enchanter's study. She opened a cabinet, and paused, and glanced around as if to see where we all were. She caught Leliana's eye, and made a subtle gesture which Leliana apparently understood; she approached a statue of some old enchanter or other on the far side of the room and asked Wynne to explain its significance. While the mage was thus occupied, Elissa motioned for me to come join her.

"Put this in your pack, quickly, before Wynne sees." She pushed a book into my hands, a black magic tome embossed with the image of a silver tree.

"Why?"

"I'll explain later, just please trust me." So I did.

In another room we encountered a group of blood mages, who attacked us on sight. They were mixed up in the whole business of having summoned the abominations. One, however, begged us for her life. She said she knew she had no right to ask for mercy, but that they had never intended for such a mess. "We were just trying to free ourselves." This made more sense when she said that Uldred - I didn't know then who that was - had told them that the Circle was going to support _Loghain_, and that Loghain would return the favor by freeing them from the Chantry's control. Yet another disaster, another massacre, that he had a hand in!

"And now Uldred's gone mad," she told us, "and we are scattered, doomed to die at the hands of those who seek to right our wrongs."

Elissa stared down at her. Wynne looked angry, and rightly enough, but Elissa... I never saw a look entirely like that in her eyes. It was cold, and penetrating, and... brr. I hope she never looks at me like that. Then she apparently came to her decision, and her jaw tightened a little. "Keep your life," she told the mage. "I will spare you. But I will not help you escape."

"Thank you. The Maker will surely turn His eyes on you for your mercy," she said, getting up. "I will do something good with my life, I swear it."

We watched her amble out of the room. Elissa turned to me, and the usual warmth flooded back into her expression. "What do you think she'll do? Seek refuge with the Chantry?"

"I don't know if they'd take her. They're very picky about who they let in," I said. "Murderers, harlots? Sure. Maleficarum? Ooh, no." She chuckled.

As we climbed higher in the tower, it seemed like the challenge became greater. Or maybe we were just getting tired, I'm not sure. But as we approached one room, I could hear a woman's voice - sweet, and supplicating. We peered inside, and there was a Templar, with a demon hovering in the air before him. He stared straight at her as though lulled into a trance, like he couldn't even see her. He spoke to her as if she were his wife, and their two children, and she changed her voice to answer him.

"It's a desire demon," Wynne told us in a hushed voice. "She's ensorcelled him, trapped him in a fantasy. And meanwhile, she feeds off of his life's essence."

We entered the room, and the demon sensed our approach. She told her 'husband' to go tuck the children into bed while she answered the door, then turned to us. "You are intruding upon a loving, intimate moment, and _I dislike disruptions._"

As usual, it was Elissa who engaged her in conversation, trying to talk her into releasing the Templar from his lie. To be honest, though, I don't really remember much about their conversation. I was sort of distracted by watching _him_. He looked a bit like a Tranquil, except he was the very opposite - he was full of feelings, for a wife and children who didn't actually exist. I do remember the demon saying that she had read his wish for such a thing in his heart, where no one else knew it was there, and I felt sorry for the poor sod. Templars aren't outright forbidden from marrying, any more than Grey Wardens are, but they're by no means encouraged to do it. It was one of the things I had most resented about having that life chosen for me. I wondered what a desire demon would use to capture me.

I would find out soon enough, but I'm getting ahead of myself again.

Elissa looked torn. "We have to put a stop to it," she muttered to us, "but I'm not sure how. If the demon releases him, he'll die, and if we kill the demon, he'll die, and if we let her go on feeding on him this way, he'll die _and_ she'll move on to find a new target."

"Well, that last one sounds like the worst idea," I pointed out, and she nodded.

"I want nothing from you," the demon told us. "I have what I need. All I ask is that you leave us alone."

"I can't do that," Elissa told her.

"Then you leave me no choice." The demon faced the Templar and reverted again to the sickeningly sweet 'wife' voice. "Help! There are bandits at the door! They're going to murder the children!"

"They will not get past me!" he cried. And of course he attacked us, the poor man, and the demon summoned lesser creatures to assist him in the battle. It was my blade that dealt him the finishing blow, and I could swear that even now I can see his eyes right in front of me - vacant, confused. Wynne and Leliana took on the smaller horrors, while Elissa fought the demon herself.

It happened very quickly. Before the demon fell, she lashed out one last time - striking not Elissa, but me. I was too close, maybe, or maybe it was payback for killing her Templar. All I know is that suddenly my helm came off, and I went to the floor, bleeding from the head. I could feel it trickling down my face. Then the fighting around me ended, sort of a blur from where I was, and I was half-lifted and cradled against something hard. Metal on metal.

"Wynne! Help me, please!" It was Elissa. She was holding me so I was propped up in a half-sitting, half-lying position, with my head near her shoulder. "Stay with me, Alistair, please. Don't leave me." This she said more quietly, for only me to hear. She almost sounded like she was ready to cry.

I think I mumbled something to the effect of never leaving her, and then I was bathed in a soft blue glow. Wynne has healing magic. The wound on my head closed, the bleeding stopped. "There... you're all right. Elissa, don't let him get up just yet. Leliana, come here, let me take a look at your injuries too."

"You're all right," Elissa repeated.

"Yep." I tilted my head back so I could look at her.

She gave this funny little hiccup, and smiled. "Has anybody ever told you that you're rather handsome?" she teased me.

"Mm, not unless they were asking me for a favor. Well, there was that one time in Denerim... but those women were not like you." I must have had the goofiest grin on my face. "Why? Is this your way of telling me _you _think I'm handsome?"

"Would that be a bad thing?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I just get to grin and look stupid for a bit."

There was the sound of polite coughing, and we looked up to see that we had an audience. "If you two are finished," said Wynne, and Leliana tried to smother a giggle behind her hands, "I think we're ready to move on."


	9. Litany of Adralla

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** He just doesn't want to shut up this week, it seems. A few things of note: one, I have no idea how the darkspawn would really react to winter. But I couldn't figure out a better way to work Soldier's Peak into this story. Soldier's Peak only appears in the game if you have the _Warden's Keep_ DLC, as most of you probably know, and I love it probably more than any other location in the game. So I had to use it, and the winter scenario that gets introduced in this chapter was the best idea I had.

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Litany of Adralla**

_The Litany has the power to stun demons and stop mind-controlling blood magic if it is used at the moment the spell is cast._

* * *

Had to take a bit of a break there, rest my cramped wrist and have a drink of water. Our fight through the Circle Tower was long. Also, I haven't mentioned it because I kind of don't want to remember it, but the higher we climbed in the tower, the more and more... _goop_ was on the walls and the floor. I don't even know how to describe it. It was sort of fleshy-looking, to be honest, and it just made everything that much creepier. As if this part of our quest needed any help in the creepy department.

Anyway, after I'd recovered from the nicest head injury ever, I got off the floor and we went back out into the hallway. The desire demon had pretty much destroyed the helmet I'd been wearing - Elissa said she hit me with her _tail_ - but the fallen Templar had one so I took that. The room across the corridor was a huge one, and a very, very large demon claimed our attention.

"Oh, look, visitors," it said. "I'd entertain you, but... too much effort involved."

"Who is that man?" Elissa demanded, pointing at the body of the mage which lay on the floor before the demon.

"He's just resting. Poor lad, he was so very very weary. You want to join us, don't you?" The demon had a strange way of talking, like every word was costing it all sorts of energy. That's how we knew it was a sloth demon, which I remember learning are among the strongest. It kept talking about how we deserved a rest, how we should just lie down and forget all of our troubles. I could hear Wynne begging us to resist, and Leliana saying that the demon would not have power over her, but... well...

The next thing I knew, I was in Denerim.

My sister Goldanna was looking at me, and chuckling. "Dear Alistair," she said, "I'm so glad you came back."

"Wait, you're happy to see me?"

"Of course I am! I'm so sorry I was mean to you before. We _are_ family, and we should stay together. I'm so happy you're here."

Family. Stay together. Right. It made sense at the time, even though I know now that it shouldn't have made any sense at all. I sat down on a chair, and a little girl of maybe six years old ran over and hopped into my lap. "Hello, Uncle Alistair! You will stay and play with us, won't you? Mummy said you would!"

"Oh - of course I will."

"That's wonderful! You entertain the children, and I'll make supper," Goldanna said. "Tell me what your favorite dish is, and that's what we'll have."

"I'll eat most anything," I admitted, laughing. "But I really like roast pheasant, could we have that?"

"Roast pheasant it is!"

She was so pleasant, so kind. Everything I could have wanted my big sister to be. And the children were adorable. The five of them ran in and out, and we played tag and hide-and-seek. Then we had dinner, which was delicious, and I read them stories until they fell asleep, and I was so... so happy. I had a family.

Something was missing, though. It felt like... like something just wasn't quite right. Almost like part of _myself_ was missing. I tried to ignore it, since I couldn't put a name to it.

I don't know how long I was there. It felt like days, maybe even a week. It was all perfect. Goldanna cooked all my favorite foods, and told me stories about our mother that I can't even remember now (probably none of them were true anyway), and I played with her children and helped her with the household tasks. It just felt right. Well, almost right.

And then, very suddenly, Elissa was there.

That's what was missing. I didn't realize it until she was in front of me, but she was the only thing the whole scenario lacked. With her there, it was exactly what I wanted it to be.

"Hey, it's great to see you again! I was just thinking about you!" I told her, smiling. "Isn't that a marvelous coincidence? You remember Goldanna, of course? These are her children, and there's more about somewhere."

Elissa seemed troubled, like she was deeply afraid and trying not to show it. "Alistair..."

"I'm overjoyed to have my baby brother back," Goldanna gushed. "I'll never let him out of my sight again!"

"May I borrow him for a minute? We have business elsewhere."

But I didn't want to go. I'm ashamed of it now. "I don't think I'll be coming. I don't want to spend my life fighting, only to end up dead in a pit with rotting darkspawn corpses."

"Will your friend be staying for dinner, Alistair?" Goldanna asked.

"You will, won't you? Oh, please say you'll stay! Goldanna's a great cook! Maybe she'll make her mince pie!" Elissa looked so unhappy that I was afraid she would go, and I couldn't bear the idea.

"Alistair, listen to me," she pleaded. "Think about this place and how you came to be here. Think carefully."

I pouted at her, which normally would have made her laugh, but she still looked very serious. "Oh, all right, if it'll make you happy." The thing was, I couldn't remember much of anything from before I'd met up with Goldanna and her children. I hadn't even been able to remember Elissa until she was right in front of me, after all, and she... well, to be blunt, she means more to me than anyone in the world. So if whatever was happening could make me forget _her_, then something really wasn't quite right.

I don't know how to describe the process of remembering. It was like my brain was splintering, cracking through the happy shell in which it had been wrapped. I started remembering the tower, and our quest, and Connor back in Redcliffe. I remembered Duncan, and Ostagar. And Goldanna, who had rejected me.

"Alistair, come and have some tea," said Goldanna, who I was beginning to understand was not Goldanna at all.

"No..." The remembering _hurt_, but it was there. "I think I have to go."

Elissa looked relieved, and gave me a smile. "Come with me, then."

"No!" Goldanna's voice wasn't at all like Goldanna anymore; it was deep and not human. "He is ours! I would rather see him dead than free!"

"No!" Elissa shouted back, drawing her sword. "He is _mine_. You will not have him!"

Goldanna dissolved into her true form, which of course was a desire demon. The children were nothing more than shambling corpses. For the first time I realized that I had my own sword with me still, and I rushed to join the battle.

"I feel so stupid," I confessed when it was over, and the demon and her ilk lay dead around us. "How did I not see this earlier?"

"We're in the Fade. It's not like the real world."

"Yes, well... try not to tell everyone how easily fooled I was?" She started to answer, but I couldn't hear her. She seemed to be getting fuzzy around the edges - she was disappearing, or I was, I'm not sure. "Wait, where are you going? What's happening to me? Hey!"

I found myself next in another part of the Fade. Wynne and Leliana were there, too. "I'm relieved to see you both," I said. "What happened to you?"

"Elissa found me trapped in a nightmare," said Wynne. "I was surrounded by former students, all of whom died in the attack. She had a hard time convincing me that it wasn't real."

"Mine wasn't so bad," said Leliana. "I was back in the Chantry, praying with one of the Revered Mothers, trying to find peace. Elissa had to make me see that the 'Mother' was really a demon."

"I had a similar experience." I felt better knowing I wasn't the only one fooled. "Where _is_ Elissa? She broke my dream only to disappear."

"I'm here," she said, coming up behind us. She looked exhausted; well, if I'd been running around the Fade plucking people out of their nightmares, I probably would too. "Let's finish this." She nodded at the sloth demon, which was approaching us. Sort of funny the way it reproached her - it called her ungrateful for the happy dreams in which it had landed her, and promised to 'do better' the next time. Of course, we weren't going to let it have a next time.

There's no way to know how long we'd been in the Fade. Like I said, I thought I'd been with Goldanna's family for around a week, but I'm pretty sure it was still the same day when we all woke up. The mage who was there when we entered the room, though, he didn't wake. Elissa said she'd met him in the Fade; his name was Niall, and he'd instructed her to take something called the Litany of Adralla from his dead body. Wynne agreed, since this Litany was the only thing that would protect us all from having our bodies seized by powerful blood mages.

And that, of course, was what awaited us on the very top floor of the tower. Wynne said this place is called the Harrowing chamber; the mages go there to undergo a visit to the Fade, where they confront a demon. If they survive the confrontation, they are made full mages. If they don't succeed in their fight, they either die at the demon's hands or they're made Tranquil to prevent them from accidentally bringing the demon across the Veil.

Before we could enter, we had to contend with Cullen. He's a Templar, and he was the last one left alive on that floor. He'd gone half-mad from watching his brethren be tortured and killed, and it took every drop of Elissa's persuasion to get him to believe that we weren't just figments of his imagination. He begged her to kill every last person she found in the Harrowing chamber, convinced that none of them could possibly be saved. She refused, saying she needed to see the situation for herself first.

We entered, and were greeted by a mage Wynne identified as Uldred. I think he was at Ostagar too, actually; he looked very familiar. First Enchanter Irving was there too, along with several other high-ranking mages. Uldred was attempting to infuse them with powerful demons. He had plenty of admiration to offer Elissa, saying that her raw skill backed by the power of a demon would be an unstoppable force. She politely declined, and he told her he wasn't really giving her an option.

The fighting commenced, of course. Wynne was kind of amazing, to be honest; not only was she holding her own in battle, but she would cry out to Elissa to "Use the Litany!" whenever Uldred attempted to force his will on any of us or any of the mages he was holding prisoner. He was very, very hard to kill, but we finally did it.

First Enchanter Irving looked half dead too. But he was alive, and fully in command of his own faculties. "We need to get you downstairs," Elissa told him, helping him to stand. "Knight-Commander Greagoir has sent for permission to perform the Rite of Annulment. He'll only halt the process if I bring you to him."

Irving couldn't walk very well, but with me supporting him he managed to get down the stairs. Cullen followed us too, as well as the other mages, and we were greeted warmly on the first floor by those Wynne had left behind. We were released into the entrance chamber, where Morrigan, Sten, and Toby were all very relieved to see us again. Greagoir was beyond stunned. "Maker's breath... I did not expect to see you alive," he admitted.

"It is over, Greagoir," said Irving. "Uldred is dead."

Cullen interrupted then, explaining that Uldred had tortured the mages in an attempt to turn them into abominations. While that was true, he then said that they had no way of knowing how many of them might have turned. He basically wanted Greagoir to go ahead with the Annulment! But Greagoir was smart enough to listen to Irving, and the tower was declared safe.

Irving then turned to Elissa and me, and promised to fulfill the mages' treaty with the Grey Wardens. Greagoir said that we had proven ourselves friends to both the mages and the Templars, but that his primary duty had to remain with the tower. I didn't really expect otherwise, and I doubt Elissa did either. He said he'd get his Templars to work straightaway searching for survivors. "And Irving... it's good to have you back."

Irving smiled. "I'm sure we'll be at each other's throats again in no time." He turned back to us. "I would hate to survive this only to fall to the Blight. You have my word as First Enchanter - the mages will join the Grey Wardens in this fight."

"Irving," said Wynne, "I have a request. I would like to remain with the Grey Warden."

"Wynne, we need you here. The Circle needs you."

"I appreciate the sentiment, Irving, but the Circle will do fine without me. It has you," she said. "This woman is brave, and good, and capable of great things. If she will accept my help, I will help her accomplish her goals."

"I would be honored to have you with us, Wynne," Elissa replied.

So of course Irving gave his permission, and we added a second mage to our ragtag collective. I definitely like Wynne better than Morrigan, though. Speaking of Morrigan, she and Elissa had a little private chat, after we crossed the lake and made camp not far from the Spoiled Princess. Turns out the book she asked me to carry for her was a grimoire that had been taken from Flemeth by the Templars. Morrigan had asked Elissa to keep an eye out for it, and return it to her if she possibly could, so that she might learn some of her mother's secrets. I wish Elissa wouldn't concede to Morrigan's requests so readily, but she said that Morrigan might learn something that will be of use against the darkspawn, so I guess I can't fault her reasoning.

Oh, and before we left him, Elissa also talked to Irving about Connor. He took the news seriously, but in stride. He promised to assemble some mages and gather together some lyrium, and they will meet us in Redcliffe once they're ready to proceed with whatever ritual they have to do to free the boy.

Maker, I'm tired. At least now I've got less in my head.

* * *

We've agreed to hold camp for a little longer than usual, mostly for Elissa's sake. She's pretty worn down after what happened in the tower, especially in the Fade. Over breakfast, Leliana asked her exactly what did happen. "I mean, if you want to tell us."

"I don't mind telling you," Elissa replied, "but Alistair might not want to hear the first part at least."

"What do you mean?"

"My nightmare." She looked grim. "You three were all trapped in your own personal nightmares, and so was I. But I broke out of my nightmare in order to find all of you. That was how I encountered Niall, actually, poor man."

"What was your nightmare?" I sat down on one side of her, and Leliana took the other side. The others gathered loosely around us; even Morrigan was in the camp proper rather than off in her own little corner.

"I was in Weisshaupt," she began. "But I don't know what Weisshaupt looks like, so in the nightmare it looked pretty much exactly like Ostagar. And there were other Grey Wardens there, greeting me as one of their own and telling me I earned a good rest. And..." She glanced at me, then looked away. "Duncan was there. He said that my memories of Ostagar were faulty, that I'd taken a bad blow to the head and only dreamed that they all died. He said we actually won the battle, and stopped the Blight, and now we could celebrate. And I wanted to believe - Maker preserve me, how I wanted to believe! But I knew it wasn't right. You weren't there, for one thing, Alistair. Nor was Toby." The dog came over and laid his head in her lap. "I kept pressing Duncan, questioning him, and he called me ungrateful and selfish. Finally he... he attacked me." She shook her head; her gauntlets were off and she pressed a hand to her eyes. "I had to kill him."

"Oh, Elissa... I'm so sorry."

She gave herself a shake. "After that, it was like your nightmares - I faded out of Weisshaupt, and into a different part of the Fade. That's where I met Niall. He helped me understand the situation a little better. Basically, that portion of the Fade was a little archipelago, a group of islands, and each island was ruled by a lesser demon. The sloth demon ruled the whole thing. I had to go to each island, and find and destroy the demon who ruled it. I met other lost souls along the way, who lent me special powers." She told us how she was given the ability to transform into a mouse, a rock golem, a man on fire, and a wraith. It was necessary, apparently, in order to make use of the different doors throughout the islands. "There were many, many fights," she added. "So many skeletons and golems and I don't even know what. And I was all alone. I was afraid, I can admit that now. I was afraid I would never see any of you again."

"You are a woman of tremendous courage," Leliana told her. "I don't think I could have endured that as well as you did."

"Well, if nothing else, I'm a woman of tremendous stubbornness," Elissa said with a chuckle. "But thank you, that's good to hear."

"It is strange to think you were trapped in nightmares," Sten noted. "You might all have died without ever knowing that what you saw was not real."

"That's what scared me most of all."

"We're very, very lucky," said Wynne, "that Elissa had the strength of mind to break free of her dreams. You've earned a rest, my dear, and I would say more of one than you're really able to take at this point."

"Speaking of rest," said Morrigan, "winter is coming." We all sort of looked at her; I for one was surprised that she had spoken. "I do not expect we are going to be able to run merrily about the country when the snows fall, will we?"

"I doubt it."

"I suggest, then, that we begin working on a plan for what to do in that eventuality. 'Tis a mercy, at least, that the darkspawn will be unable to trouble us in the interim."

"They won't?" asked Leliana.

"No, she's right," I said. Not that I'm keen on saying Morrigan's right, even when she is, but she was. "Snow is one of the only things that can deter the darkspawn. They can survive in it, but since the Archdemon inhabits the body of a dragon, it can't bear the cold. Dragons are heat-loving creatures. So it will go sort of dormant once snow flies, and the darkspawn will content themselves for the colder months with only occupying whatever areas they've already invaded."

"Should we not then use that time to our advantage?" asked Sten. "Perhaps hunt down the Archdemon where it resides, rather than wait for it to appear after the thaw?"

"You'd think so, but it'd be a suicide run," I replied. "We won't have nearly a big enough army to take on the Archdemon by that time. We've only called in one of the three treaties, and Arl Eamon is still sick and can't send his men to our aid. Our best bet will be to find a safe place to spend the winter, and use that time to research strategies and increase our personal weapon proficiencies."

"And avoid getting captured by Loghain," added Elissa, grimly.

"That too."

* * *

Interestingly, the discussion about sheltering for winter seems to have happened at a very timely, um, time. A little while after all this talk, while we were striking tents and preparing to start for Redcliffe, a man appeared in our camp and asked to speak to the Grey Wardens.

His name, he said, is Levi Dryden, and he was a friend of Duncan's. I recognized the name - the Drydens are the family of a former Commander of the Grey who died in disgrace up at Soldier's Peak, back during King Arland's despotic reign. He said that Duncan had promised to help him look into possibly clearing his ancestress's name, but of course that wasn't going to happen now, so he was hoping we might do it instead.

"It's quite a place, Soldier's Peak," he added. "Massive compound, a virtual palace. And since you two are all that's left of your order here, you need a place to start rebuilding, right? So we all benefit. I hopefully find what I need to prove that my great-great-grandmother wasn't a traitor, and you get Soldier's Peak back into the possession of the Wardens."

"How is it still uninhabited after two centuries?" Elissa asked.

"Well, for one thing, it's rumored to be haunted," Levi explained. "For another, most folks don't know how to get there. You have to travel through a maze of tunnels, because the old roads got blocked off back when Arland was starving out the Wardens and nobody ever bothered to clear them. But old Levi knows the way!"

She looked thoughtful, and excused us for a moment so we could discuss it. "What do you think, Alistair?" she asked me quietly. "This could be exactly what we need for the coming winter, not to mention he's right about us needing a place to rebuild the order."

"I agree. I think we should go with him and see what we find there."

"You're not afraid of ghosts, then?" she asked, with that mischievous little smile.

"Not while you're around to protect me," I teased her, and she laughed.

"All right, then. Let's tell Levi we'll do it. We'll keep the party small - let's send Wynne on ahead to Redcliffe, in case the mages get there before we do, and I think Leliana and Toby should go with her. Morrigan and Sten can come with us."

"Your desire is my command."

She turned an interesting shade of red when I said that. Maybe I'm not completely hopeless at this wooing business after all.


	10. Warden Commander Armor

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** I wish we could spend more time in Soldier's Peak. I love it so. Expect that to become very obvious in the chapters ahead.

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Warden Commander Armor**

_An artifact of an earlier age, this suit of armor was worn by one the heroes of the last Blight. Its craftsmanship is superb. When equipped in a set with the Warden-Commander plate boots and gloves, the character gains a bonus to health, and spells or talents cost less to activate._

* * *

I write this from our camp near Soldier's Peak. It's taken a while for us to reach the point where we can actually rest, but it's fairly safe now.

Our companions weren't exactly crazy about the plan to separate, but they admitted that our reasons were pretty sensible for the most part. Sten mostly objected on the grounds that, once again, we were pursuing a course of action that he didn't think was directly relevant to the struggle against the Blight. But he did agree that having a safe place to spend the winter was sound logic, and since Soldier's Peak genuinely does belong to the Grey Wardens, I think he understood our need to reclaim it.

Levi was thrilled when we told him we'd go to the Peak with him. It was a good thing he was with us, too, or we never could have navigated the maze of tunnels leading through the mountain. We didn't start any too soon, either, since by the time we emerged from inside the tunnels, the first snow was starting to fall. Of course, the mountains _do_ get the snow before the plains, but still. The tunnels open out into the trees along the road leading to the main entrance gate, and we could see in the near distance where the road is still blocked from the days of Arland's siege. My guess is that they were a secret escape route, once upon a time; I know that a few of the Wardens did abandon the keep rather than ride out the siege under Sophia Dryden's command, and the tunnels must have been their way out. Levi says they're abandoned mining tunnels.

Soldier's Peak is... well, Levi was right when he said it's like a palace. It's a breathtaking walled fortress, with great high towers and massive rooms. It was built during the Glory Age under the leadership of a Warden-Commander called Asturian, who wanted the Wardens to have a home of their own. We'll have our work cut out for us to make it a worthy home to the order once again, but there are at least some things in there that have managed to survive the passage of time and may be of value to us. The stone construction is old and impenetrable, and beautiful in its own way. An engineering marvel, to be completely honest.

Oh, and the whole place was populated with the undead. Almost forgot to mention that part.

I can be funny about it now, but it was pretty terrifying at the outset. We were just inside the gate, admiring our surroundings. You can almost feel the history of the place. I felt like I'd come home, and I think Elissa did too. (Morrigan had something cheerful to say about how once the Wardens flourished in this place, and now they're so desperate they even accept people like me, but I ignored her for the most part.) Only then we _really_ felt the history of the place, because we were all swept into a mass hallucination of the past - warriors of King Arland, falling back and waiting to starve out the Wardens who were sealed up inside the keep. It was unsettling, and we were all a little woozy when it ended.

"What - what was that?" Levi asked, sounding frightened. "I'm not mad, am I? You saw it too?"

"It was like a waking dream," said Elissa.

"Yes," said Sten with a frown. "It was some sort of flash from the past. We tread upon ground steeped in the blood of many warriors."

"This place must truly be haunted." Levi shuddered.

"Be ready, friends," Elissa advised. "Levi, if anything dangerous happens, try to keep at a distance. Morrigan, can you shield our guide?"

"I await your command."

"Good. Weapons at the ready, everyone, just in case."

It turned out to be a good idea, because before we'd advanced many more steps, those undead I mentioned started swarming the place. The bodies had lain there for two hundred years, and largely deteriorated, but something about our arrival awoke them. Maybe it was the taint in my and Elissa's blood, or maybe we were just the first people to enter the compound since that time. But the remains of these fallen soldiers - Grey Wardens and King Arland's men alike - leaped up from where they'd fallen in life and started to attack.

Compared to the abominations in the Circle Tower, they weren't too difficult to handle, but it was still an unpleasant experience. The _really_ strange thing about them, though, was that Elissa's request - that Morrigan use her magic to shield Levi from any harm - was totally unnecessary. The undead soldiers only attacked the four of us. It was like they didn't even know he was there. I can't explain it, since I don't understand it, but we were glad enough to have one less concern.

Once the inner bailey was cleared, we were able to enter the keep and see the inside. It's _huge_. It's going to take us some time to explore it all and know it well. Of course, first we had to deal with being attacked by more skeletons, and also with more of those 'waking dreams,' as Elissa called them. In what must have been the great hall of the keep, we had another one. Sophia Dryden, Levi's ancestress who went from noblewoman to Commander of the Grey, was addressing the Grey Wardens who still remained. She urged them to remain strong and defiant in the face of King Arland's efforts to starve them out, to prove that good men had fought and died. I enjoyed her speech, actually, about how darkspawn flee when they hear our horns and Archdemons die when they taste our blades, or something like that.

After the vision faded, I glanced at Elissa. "She reminds me a lot of you."

"Of me? How do you mean?"

"Oh, am I wrong? Courageous, charismatic, a born leader as stubborn as the day is long... yes, I can't imagine where I see a resemblance."

"Flirt later," said Morrigan flatly. "Keep moving."

It was quite a bit like the Circle Tower in the sense that we remained fairly methodical about the whole thing, clearing first one room and then the next. But we had less of a sense of urgency than at the tower, since lives were not hanging in the balance, and we could take a little time and examine our surroundings. This _is_ the rightful home of the Grey Wardens, after all. We found an armory, and a library, and a number of barracks rooms; there are also several common areas that must have been very comfortable once upon a time. Most of the wall hangings are rotted away, but a few paintings have managed to survive enough that their subjects can be recognized.

Another waking dream alerted us to the existence of a mage called Avernus, and he - with Sophia Dryden's obvious consent - broke the Veil and summoned _demons_ to aid the Grey Wardens. That went about as well as might be expected. I felt sorry for poor Levi; that particular vision proved that his great-great-grandmother really was guilty, and I think he took it hard.

Actually running into said great-great-grandmother in another room, however, hit him a bit harder.

What seems to have happened is that one of the demons that Avernus summoned (or maybe one that stumbled out of the Fade on its own) took possession of Sophia's dead body. It's been walking around in her skin for who knows how long. It tried to entreat with Elissa - "This one would speak with you, Grey Warden." It wanted to be set free, to explore the world, and offered in exchange to seal the tear in the Veil that still exists within the keep. Elissa, being Elissa, wasn't having any of it, so naturally the thing attacked, along with a handful of 'friends.' I hated that Levi had to watch us kill off the animated corpse of his relation, but I think he kept his face to the wall for the most part so he missed a lot of the action. The body had been so overdue for its final destiny that once the demon was driven out and killed, it simply disintegrated.

I might have thought that our surprises were over at that point, but I've started to realize that they will probably never be over. Across the battlements, inside one of the towers, we found the mage Avernus. No, not his body; not even his animated corpse. He has somehow managed to use magic to extend his lifetime - _he's still alive_. Even now.

He was actually very open about his activities. Along with demon-summoning, we found some writings that proved he'd used live "volunteers" (the remains of some of whom were still in cages around the tower) to perform experiments in blood magic. He was trying to find a way to reverse the taint, or make a Grey Warden strong enough to resist the Calling, or something. I didn't entirely understand it. He also informed us that he was the reason Levi had managed to find his way to Soldier's Peak - that he had sensed him, when Levi was a boy, exploring the tunnels, and had sent him dreams that told him where to go. Levi seemed rattled by this news. I don't blame him.

Avernus had a more reasonable proposal for Elissa than Sophia's demon did, though; he suggested that we join forces, and he would seal the tear in the Veil if we would fight off whatever came out of it while he did. After that, he said, he would accept whatever sentence she chose to impose on him. She agreed, so we headed for the room where the tear was.

I guess you could say that our experiences at the tower gave Elissa and myself a bit of an advantage in the fight, but it was still rough. Abominations are difficult enough to subdue, but there were actual demons that came through as well. Anyway, we fought them off, and the tear in the Veil was sealed. The dead on the grounds would remain dead. Avernus was as good as his word, too; he submitted to Elissa's mercy. She let him live, of course. He is still a Grey Warden, technically speaking, and he acknowledged her as the new Warden-Commander, so he accepted her decision that he would spend what remains of his life in his sanctum, researching _ethical_ ways to help the order. I don't know what she thinks he'll come up with in whatever time he has left, but at least it gives him something to do, I suppose.

Levi's pretty upset that he wasn't able to clear his great-great-grandmother's name, but Elissa did manage to cheer him some by pointing out that he, himself, is a good man, and that the Dryden name will be whatever he makes it in the future. He's planning to summon some of his relatives to come and help him clean up Soldier's Peak, so that when we return with the rest of our party, it'll be decent enough to inhabit for the winter months. He promised that they won't disturb Avernus, so long as he doesn't disturb them. He also said that by the time we come back, they'll have cleared that blockage from the main road, so we don't have to worry about trying to navigate the tunnels without him.

* * *

Sometimes I swear I can see the wheels turning in Elissa's mind. She's got something going on upstairs; all through breakfast she's been scribbling notes to herself. She doesn't keep a journal like this one - or does she? I don't think she does. Anyway, I don't know what she's writing, but she looks very thinky, if that's a word, while she's doing it.

* * *

We bade farewell to Levi after breakfast and started to make our way south to Redcliffe. At least it's warmer down here. If we press ourselves a bit, we should be there by late afternoon tomorrow.

We've just stopped for a breather, partly on account of a strange encounter we've just had. We ran into a wandering merchant whose donkey ran off on him, and he made us an odd offer. He'd bought a control rod for a stone golem from another merchant, but the golem itself is in a village southeast of Lake Calenhad and frankly, he doesn't want to be bothered with carrying the rod any longer. He's afraid he'll get robbed. So he offered to give it to us for nothing if we'd only take it off his hands. Maker only knows what we'll _do_ with it, but we accepted anyway.

* * *

Apart from meeting the suspiciously generous merchant, and an incident in which we had to 'discourage' a group of bandits from preying on some refugees, it's been an uneventful trip. I keep pulling out my rose and looking at it. I don't want to throw it away, but it's really not going to last much longer. Maybe once Wynne's with us again, I could ask her if she knows a spell or something that could restore it.

* * *

Our arrival in Redcliffe village was hailed like the return of conquering heroes, which was a little awkward. The blacksmith did come out to personally thank Elissa for his daughter's safe return, though, that was nice.

Wynne and Leliana met us in the courtyard when we crossed the bridge to the castle. "Your timing is good," said Wynne. "Irving and the other mages arrived earlier today; they were hoping you'd return by the time everything was ready."

"Are we needed for the ritual?" Elissa looked puzzled.

"No, not at all. I will actually be the one to enter the Fade and defeat the demon," said Wynne. "Irving would do it himself, but he's still very weak from his dealings with Uldred, so I volunteered to take his place. But it seemed fitting that you be here to share in Connor's restoration."

We followed them to the main hall, where everyone had assembled. I'm not going to try to write down what happened in the ritual, because I'll be blunt, I don't really know what they were doing. I know that lyrium was involved, and that Wynne basically went into a trance in order to allow her to enter the Fade, and that while she was there she battled and killed the demon that was possessing Connor. Luckily, killing the demon didn't also kill Arl Eamon - he's still alive, though he won't wake.

Connor seems healthy, for the most part, if rather confused by everything that's happened. Lady Isolde is beside herself with joy and gratitude. I'm glad this part of the struggle is over, but I'm worried for Eamon; we all are. Elissa asked some questions about the quest for the Urn of Andraste, but neither Isolde nor Teagan could tell her much. The knights of Redcliffe have had little success, and if that group that attacked us outside the Spoiled Princess is any indication, I think we all have a pretty good idea why.

"Recall your knights as best you can," Elissa told Isolde. She looked a bit grim, and suddenly sort of tired. "We will undertake the mission to find the Urn ourselves."

"We will?" Morrigan asked.

"I do not understand," said Sten. He sounded just a little annoyed. "We are supposed to be stopping the Blight; yet you keep diverting us with additional tasks."

"Arl Eamon's recovery is crucial to our defeat of Loghain," Elissa explained, "and Loghain's defeat is crucial to our victory over the Blight."

"Why?"

She paused, collecting her thoughts on the subject. "So long as Loghain remains in control of the throne - as regent or whatever he's declared himself - we will have no human assistance against the darkspawn," she said. "The nobles of Ferelden are either fighting against his tyranny, so they have no men to spare, or they share with him in his paranoia that Orlais presents a greater threat than the Archdemon, so they won't listen to us. We need to cure Arl Eamon so that he can use his influence to bring them over to our side."

"But you're the daughter of the Teyrn of Highever," said Leliana. "Won't they listen to you?"

"Would that it were so. But my family's lands have been confiscated by the turncoat Howe. Whatever allegiance anyone would have paid to us is lost. I'm the only Cousland definitely still alive, and I'm a Grey Warden. There's a bounty on my head. I don't know who might betray me for the reward." She glanced at me. "I'll put my faith in Arl Eamon because Alistair trusts him, so we need to save him. And from what Bann Teagan and Lady Isolde have said, the ashes of Andraste are probably our only hope."

I knew that saying all of this was hurting her more than any of the others probably recognized. "You haven't led us astray yet," I said. "I agree with your decision."

"Oh, there is a surprise," Morrigan muttered. "Well, so be it. I am conscripted to your aid, and Alistair does make a point - you _have_ led us effectively thus far. If it pleases you to chase legends, I will follow."

With the rest of the party murmuring their acceptance, Elissa favored us all with a smile, then turned back to the arlessa. "I'm very glad we were able to help," she said, "and I promise we'll do everything we can to find the ashes. For the evening, however, Lady Isolde, may we trespass upon your hospitality? Our battles of late have been very taxing, and the luxury of a bed would really help."

Lady Isolde assured us that we were welcome to spend the night, and gave the order that a hot meal would be made ready for us. Most of our party remained at the castle, but Elissa and I went to the docks with Bann Teagan and Lady Isolde to watch the funeral pyres being lit on the boats for those who didn't survive the attacks by the undead. It was a sad, sobering moment, and I can't help wondering how many more such events will have to take place in the months ahead. I'm sure they're holding a similar ceremony right now at the Circle of Magi for the lost mages and Templars... and I hope there's been one in Highever, for Elissa's family. We've just come back now, to join the others for dinner.

* * *

After everything that's happened in recent weeks, I probably don't have a right to be this happy. But I am.

Wynne, after her battle with the demon, was almost too tired to eat and excused herself early. The rest of us turned in right after the meal, but I couldn't sleep. I kept turning everything over in my mind. Finally, I gave up, threw off the covers, and decided to go for a walk.

I didn't expect to find Elissa in the corridor, but when I turned a corner, there she was, looking at some art on the wall. She looked as surprised to see me as I was to see her. "You couldn't sleep either?"

"Nope. Thought I'd walk out on the battlements, see if some fresh air would help... care to join me?"

"All right."

We stepped out onto the walk, where only a scant few guards paced in the shadows. I kept looking at her out of the corner of my eye, trying to find the courage to say _something_. Eventually I told her how glad I was that we were able to get through the whole Connor-has-a-demon mess without killing either him or Isolde, and how much I appreciate that she went to so much trouble for these people she doesn't really know. It's true, but it's not what I really wanted to say to her.

Finally we stopped walking, and looked out over Lake Calenhad. By daylight it's a beautiful view, and even with just the moon reflected in the water it's very pretty. I took a deep breath. There's been something on my mind for the last few days, and it was time I brought it up.

"Can I ask you about something that happened back there?"

"Hm? Back where?"

"In the Fade. With Goldanna-who-wasn't."

"You're not still worried about that, are you? It was a demon, Alistair. From something Wynne said, deception is what they do and they're really good at it - anyone would have been fooled."

"Oh. No, not that. Um... when you tried to get me to leave..."

Something flickered in her eyes. "Ye-e-es?" she asked warily, dragging one syllable out into three.

"The demon said they wouldn't let me go, that I belonged to them. And you said..." I felt myself blush. "You said I was yours."

"Oh. Oh, I'm sorry if I made you, um, uncomfortable. I just - I wasn't giving you up without a fight." Maybe it was a trick of the torchlight, but I could have sworn she was blushing too.

"Really, it's okay. It didn't, you know, bother me."

"Oh, good."

Everything felt _really_ awkward. And then the next bit just came tumbling out. "So all this time we've spent together - you know, the tragedy, the brushes with death, the constant battles with the whole Blight looming over it - will you miss it, once it's over?"

She started to answer, but paused. "Miss all the fighting and death? Or miss you?"

It's unfair, really. The bravest, sweetest, most beautiful woman in Thedas should not also be so observant and intelligent. But she'd seen through the question, so I had to finish the thought.

"I know it might sound strange, considering we haven't known each other for very long," I began, "but I've come to care for you. A great deal. I think it's because we've gone through so much together. I don't know. Maybe I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm fooling myself. Am I? Or do you think you might ever feel the same way about me?"

I couldn't breathe, waiting for her to answer. It was such an oddly worded speech - but however she answered, at least I'd know if I had the smallest chance.

"I have something for you."

"...what?" Whatever answer I'd expected, that wasn't it.

"I took a wrong turn, just before dinner - and I found myself in the arl's study. It was on his desk. I had no right to take it, but I recognized it from your description and I just wanted you to - well, here." I'd never heard her _babble_ before; it was kind of adorable. She pressed a trinket into my hands, an amulet depicting the flame of Andraste. An amulet which had clearly been broken into many pieces and then glued back together again.

"This is my mother's amulet." All I could do was stare at it. "It has to be! But why isn't it broken? You said the arl's study - he must have found it after I threw it at the wall, and he repaired it and kept it. I don't understand, why would he do that?"

"Maybe you mean more to him than you think."

"I guess you could be right. We never really talked that much, and then the way I left..." I trailed off and shook my head. "Thank you. I mean it - I thought I'd lost this to my own stupidity." Whenever we find the cure for Eamon, I'll need to thank him too.

And then something else clicked in my mind. "You remembered me telling you about this? Wow. I'm more used to people not really listening when I go on about things."

"Of course I remembered. You're special to me, and I care about you, too."

I really, really hadn't planned to kiss her. Not there, not then. But Andraste help me, I couldn't stop myself. And the most amazing part? _She kissed me back._

"That wasn't too soon, was it?" I asked when we parted. She smiled, and looked away, and shook her head. "Good. Maker's breath, but you're beautiful. I am a lucky man."

Her lips did this amused twitchy thing. "You think I'm beautiful?"

"Yes, you are, and you know it," I teased her. "You're ravishing, resourceful, and a host of other things you'll probably hurt me for not saying."

She laughed. I love it when she laughs. "I would never hurt you."

"Nor I you."


	11. Golem Control Rod

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** I hope I'm doing a decent job of making Alistair's crush on Elissa evident without being ridiculous. Thanks as always for reading and reviewing!

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Golem Control Rod**

_Dwarven runes flicker along this crystalline rod. You've been told that it controls a golem in the village of Honnleath, near the Korcari Wilds._

* * *

We took our leave of Redcliffe just after lunch, to make our way back north to Soldier's Peak. From what Levi Dryden said to us when we left him, he should by now have started summoning a few of his relatives to help him make the place habitable for the next generations of Grey Wardens. Since he's a trader, and we already have Bodahn Feddic trailing after us everywhere we go, that should enable us to start stocking the place with supplies. If nothing else, we're going to need food for the winter.

We also are going to need some people living there in order to fulfill certain needs. Elissa and I had a brief meeting with Bann Teagan this morning about that, actually. I shouldn't be surprised by it, but she's really very smart about such things; in fact, she came to the meeting with a list. That must have been what I saw her writing in camp. The keep will need a cook, with two or three kitchen hands to help out; a few domestic workers to help keep the place clean; and a small platoon of strong men who are handy with maintenance, since after two centuries of rot there's bound to be plenty to do. And that's just where she wants to _start_.

"Some carpenters would be especially welcome, to work on replacing the worn-out furniture, and a stone mason should almost certainly inspect the walls and foundations to confirm their structural integrity," she said. "Of course, we and our companions will do what we can to help, but I don't think any of us were ever trained in those particular arts. I can't imagine there's much of anything left in the way of a treasury, so we're not going to be able to pay any of these people a salary until the Wardens are redeemed and we can start collecting tithes again, or at least get some assistance from the motherhouse at Weisshaupt. But assuming that we can arrange sufficient food supplies, we can at least repay them with room and board in safety."

Both Teagan and I sort of stared at her for a minute or two. I mean, I know perfectly well that Elissa's intelligent; I've seen it often enough firsthand. So I don't know why I was so surprised that she'd given all this so much thought, but I was. Maybe because I really hadn't thought about it much myself.

"Of course," she added, "once we're able to get a better look at Brother Genitivi's research, we'll resume the search for Arl Eamon's cure. We have to return to Denerim and confront his assistant, who deliberately misdirected us. But in the meantime, I need to know that my companions will have safe harbor for the winter, and that future Grey Wardens will have a place to call home."

"Yes, of course." Teagan recovered his powers of speech. "Well, I will be remaining in Redcliffe to oversee the arling during Eamon's incapacity. But what I can do is send Ser Perth - he can be trusted with the message - back to my own bannorn to recruit such assistance as you require. With all the refugees, I don't know if I can guarantee much in the way of a contribution to your food stores, but I'm sure that there are skilled workers enough who would be glad to shelter in a place where the darkspawn dare not seek them."

"I'll leave the list in your care, then," she said. "But do caution Ser Perth that it's probably not wise to send men and women with large families. Soldier's Peak really isn't an appropriate place for children, much as I think we would all wish to protect them. Tell him that single men and women, or even childless married couples, are preferred if at all possible. I'll appoint someone to act as seneschal when we're not there, probably Levi Dryden himself in the short term, and he'll direct their efforts."

"You've given this a lot of thought," he noted admiringly.

"Well, I am the daughter of a teyrn," she pointed out, smiling. "My father may have raised me to be a warrior, but my _mother _insisted I learn the minutiae of overseeing a noble household, since she figured sooner or later I'd be married. I suppose that the resurrection of Soldier's Peak could best be described as a combination of both halves of my education."

She excused herself a few minutes later to finish preparing to leave. I watched her go, deeply impressed by just how many burdens this one woman is able to bear. Teagan cleared his throat.

"Alistair, may I offer a word of advice?"

"Er, sure."

"Don't let that one get away."

Maker willing, I won't.

* * *

I'm trying to forge a better relationship with Toby. I mean, it seems like a good idea; Elissa loves that dog, and he's devoted to her. So it makes sense for me to get into his good graces, right? We didn't start out so well, unfortunately. There was a point in camp, early in our travels, when I thought he'd stolen some food. Apparently the mabari can understand a _lot_ of what we say to them. There's an old maxim here in Ferelden that mabari are smart enough to speak and wise enough not to. Maybe it's true.

So I'm trying to talk to him, show him that I want to be his friend. We both sort of adore the same woman, after all. (Oh, Maker, I'm not that far gone already, am I?) Problem is, he doesn't seem much more inclined to listen to me than anybody else in our party. When we stopped for a breather, I thought I was making some headway; he let me scratch his ears. I had to wonder whether he really understands what's going on, with the Blight and all, but when I asked him he just wagged his tail.

"We've all got big parts to play," I told him. "Even you. Especially you, in some ways; you're the mabari. You guard one of the most important people..." I didn't get to finish my thought because he barked, and picked up a stick and brought it to me. He wanted to play, not listen.

It doesn't seem to have been entirely a wasted effort, though. Elissa heard what I said. And if you ask me, she's not one of the most important people in this campaign against the Blight - she's _the_ most important person. I wasn't lying when I told her, however long ago it was, that she's the reason I think we have a chance.

* * *

We're heading north, of course, on our return trip to Soldier's Peak. Generally speaking, our party travels faster than the caravans; we have no horses or other livestock to rest and feed, our tents are small and simple, and we pack relatively light (except for Bodahn Feddic, of course, but he's only with us about half the time). We stop about four or five times in the course of a day, to sit and drink some water or to have a meal. We only do any cooking when we actually make camp for the night, however, so by day we get by on dried meat and increasingly stale bread. In recent weeks we were sometimes lucky enough to come across a bush full of berries or even a stray fruit tree, but with the harvest now over and the frost setting in, that won't be happening again for a while.

Elissa continues to try to devote part of her day to speaking with each of us. As the party gets larger, that becomes more difficult, but she does try. She and Wynne seem to have taken an immediate liking to each other, which is sweet. I think Elissa misses her mother more than she lets on, and having Wynne around maybe makes that less painful. I sort of envy her that, in a way. I don't miss my mother. You can't miss what you never had, can you?

I'd actually venture to say, based on these early observations, that Wynne's probably going to end up the best-liked person in our whole group, after Elissa herself. Morrigan detests her, of course, because Morrigan's a bitch and she detests any Circle mage, but everyone else seems to like her. Well, I'm not sure Sten likes anybody really, except for "the kadan," and even that has its limits. But he seems to tolerate Wynne a bit better than most.

I like her myself, from what I know of her. She seems very kind, very determined to do the right thing, but she's got a wicked little sense of humor too. Truthfully, I was a little worried that she might be put off by my Templar training, so I wanted to set things straight with her early. When we took one of our breaks, I sat down next to her. "So, you... know that I am a Templar, right?"

"I believe what I heard was that you were not, in fact, a Templar. You were trained as one before you became a Grey Warden."

"That's right. But I still have all the abilities of one, of course. That doesn't make you nervous?"

"Should it? I am no apostate. Perhaps you should be directing this question at Morrigan."

That made me laugh, and I explained that Morrigan claims she's not afraid of me. Actually, Morrigan claims she's not afraid of anything. It's probably even true. We talked about it a little more, and Wynne is really perfectly comfortable being around me, if only because - as she pointed out - she reasons that I would warn her before deciding to go ahead and slaughter her. Like I said, wicked little sense of humor.

* * *

In addition to bonding with the dog, I've been trying to get to know Sten a little better. It's not going as well as I might have hoped. Today I asked him how he passed the time while he was locked in that cage in Lothering. He was there for a good three weeks before Elissa got permission to bring him with us; he must have been bored out of his mind, I figured.

I don't think he liked the question much. After some evasion, he finally said, "On good days, I posed riddles to the passersby, offering them treasures for correct answers."

"Really?"

"No."

Too bad, honestly. As I told him, that had serious potential. I didn't get to talk to him about it more, though, because we were interrupted by a small shout. Elissa and Leliana, who had been collecting some of the elfroot and deathroot plants that are still growing in this forest (they're useful in things like herbal poultices), had come across a strange ditch. Lying in its center was an oddly shaped rock, which glowed in an almost magical fashion. Wynne says she's never seen anything like it. I wasn't sure we should disturb it, but Elissa's somehow rather taken with the stuff and insisted on bringing it in her pack. I hope that wasn't a bad idea.

* * *

That was unexpected.

We breakfasted this morning and struck the camp, and continued north, entering the bannorn. As we were passing through one part of the forest, where the snow was just beginning to assert its dominance, we came upon a group of guards menacing a lone man. Unsure of how to proceed, we concealed ourselves in the trees and watched.

"That's the livery of Bann Loren," said Elissa thoughtfully. "And he... he looks sort of familiar..."

"That's one of Cailan's men," I hissed. "One of the king's honor guards - I'm sure of it. I thought they all died at Ostagar."

I'm sorry that we chose to err on the side of caution, and remain concealed in the trees to see what happened. If we'd only known - we could have ambushed them, and perhaps saved his life. Instead, we watched in horror as one of the guards pulled a knife and plunged it into the man's stomach, leaving him for dead. Leliana clapped her hands over her mouth so she wouldn't attract their attention with her gasp of horror. We couldn't risk an altercation - we outnumbered them by one, but Bann Loren is one of the nobles whose support we'll need against Loghain, and as far as we could tell, his men were only following orders.

As soon as they were out of sight, we rushed to the fallen guard. I knew him - Elric Maraigne, honor guard to Cailan just as I'd suspected. He identified Elissa and me as Grey Wardens immediately. She tried to administer a healing poultice, but he waved her off, saying they had given him his death wound. "I've been a wanted man since Ostagar... for desertion," he wheezed, clutching his stomach. "Knew I couldn't escape forever. Listen to me, Wardens." He explained, in an increasingly weaker voice, that Cailan left documents in his personal chest which were to be given to the Grey Wardens in the event of his demise. Elric had the key, but he had buried it at the base of a statue in Ostagar so that if he was captured, it wouldn't be taken from him. He begged us to go there and retrieve this hidden cache. To return to Ostagar.

Elissa looked up at me. "You _will_ take me with you when you go, won't you?" I asked her. That she would do it, I had absolutely no doubt. She just nodded, and looked back at Elric in time to see him breathe his last. She bought an extra blanket from Bodahn Feddic to shroud his body, and we buried him under a large oak.

* * *

I'm still wondering about what it is Cailan wanted the Wardens to have in the event of his death. What information could those papers hold that's so important, he would only entrust them to our order? Cailan, for reasons of his own, revered the Wardens, so if he was so anxious for us to have the papers, then he must have intended us to do something with whatever they contain.

In the more immediate future, however, we're almost back at Soldier's Peak. I can't help noticing that Elissa seems sort of excited. She's got all those plans, and I think she's anxious to get them started. I wonder how long it will take for Ser Perth to join us with whatever volunteers he's able to recruit from among the refugees in Teagan's bannorn.

We haven't talked about the kiss, she and I. I've _thought_ about it plenty, but bringing it up is another matter.

* * *

We are come home to Soldier's Peak once again.

Levi was as good as his word; we were able to come up the main road to enter the inner bailey through its main gate. He seemed delighted to see us again. We got to meet his brother Mikhael, who is a blacksmith, and there are a number of other Dryden relations roaming around. There's even another dog, so Toby has a playmate of sorts.

The Drydens have been busy. They've cleared out all of the old bones that cluttered the area, of course, but they've also unclogged both wells, tidied up the keep, and opened up the smaller buildings that line the wall inside the inner bailey. These are apparently residences for the staff of Soldier's Peak, since the soldiers themselves live inside the keep, but from what I could see they're very snug and comfortable. The Drydens are living in a few of them. There are more in the outer bailey, and the Drydens have also opened up the second gate which leads to that area. There we got to see a stable, kennel, a small hospital, and granary. There's also a fair amount of ground that seems to have been reserved for gardening, so I'm sure Elissa's put that on her list of things to have the refugees do after the spring thaw.

She explained their impending arrival to Levi. "Alistair and I have an errand of sorts to perform in the southern country," she said, "so it's likely they'll get here while we're gone. But I'll give you a list of what to have them do. If the stables are cleared out, that should be a good place for the carpenters to start work on repairs and construction of whatever's needed. There are plenty of fallen trees in the forest - we should use those before we start felling any live trees. Bann Teagan said he'll try to send some food supplies with whoever volunteers, but he couldn't promise much."

She introduced Levi to Bodahn Feddic, who was predictably not thrilled that he'll be sharing our business with another merchant, but he didn't have much to say about it. While Bodahn and Sandal set up their wagon in the courtyard near Levi's stall, Elissa went to Mikhael Dryden and showed him the strange metal we'd found on our way. He looked thunderstruck.

"This is _star metal_," he said. "It came from the distant sky. With your permission, I can forge this into a new sword for you, Warden. No, I won't take payment - it would be a privilege to work with something so rare and magnificent."

I could tell she was puzzled, but she gave her consent to have him make her a new longsword. "I'm not giving up the Cousland family blade, though," she told me as we made our way to join the others inside the keep. Levi was anxious to show us the residence barracks, which they'd cleaned up particularly in anticipation of our arrival. All the beds had been aired and were laid out with new sleeping furs, with additional furs on the floors and plenty of wood stacked by the fireplaces, and there are enough rooms that while only our party occupies the keep, we can each have our own.

"And we've a special surprise for you, Warden," he added. "The Warden-Commander gets his, or her, own room, you know, even in ordinary times. So we've made that up nice for you, and my brother Mikhael did something extra. We collected all the pieces of Grandmother Sophia's personal armor, and he cleaned it up and reinforced the old metal, and added a helmet. It's on an armor stand in your room. Why don't you go try it on?"

Several minutes later she returned, wearing the gift. Navy blue, with hints of purple and gold, and the double-headed griffon emblem of the Wardens emblazoned across the breastplate. The new helmet made by Mikhael is of the same purple metal as some of the armor, and has a delicate noseguard that still allows her pale cheeks and huge blue eyes to be seen. The collar of the armor gaps open just slightly, almost like a shirt collar, exposing the Warden's Oath pendant resting in the hollow of her throat. It was like the whole suit had been made just for her. It hugs her body like a second skin.

I'm going to go have a bath. A cold one.


	12. Joining Chalice

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** This chapter was a bit harder to write than I expected it to be.

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Joining Chalice**

_Darkspawn blood still encrusts this silver chalice. With a shudder, you remember the day you brought it to your lips and drank deeply of all the mysteries that lay within._

* * *

As far as I can tell, Soldier's Peak is meeting with everyone's approval. Even Sten seems to be enjoying the surviving portraits and tapestries on the walls. Apparently he's a great art lover, something about being impressed with the control involved in the use of the paintbrush or needle.

Most of us were in the library this afternoon, except for Elissa and Leliana; they were looking over the small chantry here in the keep. Leliana is still, more or less, a lay sister, and so for the duration of our wintering, she'll be in charge of devotions and such spiritual needs as we might have. I imagine it's more for the comfort of the refugees coming here from the bannorn than anything.

Anyway, the rest of us were going through the bookshelves at her request, seeing which books could be salvaged and which ones are best used as kindling. The old archivist left plenty of notes, some of which have survived two hundred years in better shape than I would have expected. I guess eventually she'll want to appoint someone to that task. So while we were going through the books, I remembered my earlier conversation with Sten.

"You never did tell me how you amused yourself in that cage," I said.

"No, I did not."

I persisted, and he eventually relented. "I would select a letter of the alphabet and try to find as many things as I could that started with that letter."

"...are you joking again?"

"No."

"You're not seriously telling me that you played _I Spy_ with yourself for three weeks?!"

He closed his book and solemnly declared, "There are a great many things in Lothering that begin with the letter G."

Morrigan rolled her eyes. Wynne was choking; I think she was laughing, but she insisted it was just the dust.

* * *

I had the chance to speak with Wynne privately today. I had just brought in a fresh load of firewood for the great hall when she entered the room, and it seemed like the best opportunity to take care of a little personal problem. "Can I ask you something?"

"What's on your mind, Alistair?"

"Well, it's this... rose."

"Rose?"

I pulled out the drying husk of the rose I picked in Lothering, and explained why I had it. "And maybe it's stupid, but I just don't want to let it die," I said. "I was wondering if you had any ideas."

"Hmm... I think I can help," she said, taking the flower.

I'm not sure exactly what she did. She sent me to get her some water from the well, and a pitcher. She filled the pitcher with the water and did some sort of mage-y stuff to it, then put the flower stem into the water. After a few seconds, it started blooming again - as fresh and red as the day I picked it.

"Wynne, you're fantastic!"

"I have my moments," she replied modestly. She handed it back, and I tucked it out of sight. "It should remain like that now. What are you planning to do with the rose, if I may inquire?"

"I'm not sure yet."

There is something about Elissa, I'm not sure how to explain it, but she has the most peculiar sense of timing. She chose that exact moment to walk into the room. "Oh, there you two are. I'm glad I found you together - I wanted to talk to you. About Ostagar."

"We _are_ going with you, aren't we?" I asked.

"Yes." She nodded. "I'm thinking it should be just the three of us. The others can stay here; there's plenty for them to do. I had wanted to wait until Teagan's refugees arrived, to welcome them properly, but I'm concerned that the snow will fall too heavily and make travel difficult."

"When do you want to leave?" asked Wynne.

"Can you both be ready to go tomorrow?"

We nodded, and she smiled. "Perfect. Perhaps while we're in the south we could stop at the village of Honnleath, see what that golem control rod is all about. We'll see how the weather holds. Oh, and thank you for bringing in the firewood, Alistair, I'm going to go check on dinner."

I watched her go, and then turned to find Wynne smirking at me. "Why are you smiling like the cat who ate the pigeon?"

"Canary. I look like the cat who ate the canary."

"I once had a very large cat, but that's not my point. Why are you smirking like that?"

She chuckled evilly. "You were watching her. With great interest, I might add. In fact, I believe you were _enraptured_."

"She's our leader," I protested. "I look to her for guidance."

"Oh, I see. So what guidance did you find in those _swaying hips_, hmm?"

I tried to protest that I wasn't looking at Elissa's, um, hindquarters. Wynne didn't seem to believe me. And the harder I protested, the more she continued to smirk.

"I hate you," I grumbled, although I didn't mean it and I'm sure she knows it. "You're a bad person."

"I think I know what you're going to do with your rose."

* * *

At dinner tonight, Elissa laid out her plan of action to the rest of the group.

"If I'm not completely off base in my figuring, we should be back in about three weeks," she said. "Provided the snow doesn't prevent us from traveling at all, that is. Meanwhile, I have some particular tasks I'd like you to handle in my absence."

"What is your wish, _kadan_?" asked Sten.

"Well, in your case, Sten," she said, "I think it would be beneficial if we had a proper understanding of the layout of the entirety of Soldier's Peak. I want to know how many rooms there are, what sort of supplies remain, the stock of the armory. You have the best-organized mind of us all, so I'd like you to take on this project."

"I suppose there is merit to this."

"Leliana, we already discussed the Chantry. Levi will be acting as seneschal, and will be giving directions to the refugees when they arrive. I'd like you to basically serve as a second to him; help the newcomers feel welcome, find out if they need anything particular, show them where things are."

"I can do that."

"What about me?" asked Morrigan. "I assume you have something for me to do as well."

"You're our best line of defense," Elissa said. "I need you to place protective wards around Soldier's Peak so that no one can get in who doesn't belong here. I sincerely doubt that any of Loghain's men would trouble themselves to come here, even if they do figure out where we are, but we can't be too careful."

"And the darkspawn are down where we're going, so they shouldn't be a problem," I pointed out. "Besides, Avernus has been here all this time and they've never bothered him, right?"

"That's the impression he gives me, yes. And please, no one go near his tower," Elissa added. "I'm sure he'd be reasonably polite, but I don't think he'd appreciate it."

With the assignments (so to speak) distributed, everyone resumed eating, and the conversation lagged a little. So I thought of what Sten told me yesterday, and I decided to try to liven things up. I met his eye across the table, and grinned. "I spy with my little eye... something that starts with G."

He glared. "Is it a Grey Warden? Is it, in fact, _you_?"

"Ooh! You're good at this!"

Sten groaned. Elissa, beside me, started shaking a little. She covered her face with her napkin and hurried out of the great hall. I was worried at first, but a moment later we could all hear her in the corridor, laughing helplessly. She laughs so rarely that I think we were all taken aback.

"Simply incredible," Morrigan drawled. "'Tis the wonder of our age, Alistair. Of all the women in Thedas, you have somehow managed to light upon the _one_ who finds you more amusing than annoying."

"What can I say? I'm a lucky man."

* * *

We took our leave of Soldier's Peak this morning. Before we did, however, Mikhael Dryden presented Elissa with the sword he made out of her lump of star metal. "I call it Starfang," he told her. It's a pretty fantastic weapon, really, and certainly qualifies as a longsword - I could swear it's nearly as long as she is tall. The blade is blue-ish and engraved with scrollwork, and he made indentations in the hilt where runes could be added to enchant it. She was delighted with the weapon and immediately had Sandal add a couple of silverite runes. Silverite makes any weapon even more effective against darkspawn. I wonder how she knew that; I don't think I ever told her.

Toby isn't too happy about being left behind again, but I think I understand why she did it. She loves that dog, wants to know he's safe and sound. They had an interesting conversation before we left. I know the mabari are supposed to be really intelligent - smart enough to talk, wise enough not to - but it's like Elissa understands what he means when he barks. I wasn't close enough to hear what she said to him, but by the time they were done he wagged his tail and ran off to play with his friend, that hound the Drydens brought.

When we weren't more than ten paces off, I heard a funny noise, and looked back to see Morrigan's purple ward shimmering at the gate of the Peak. "How are we going to get back in, when we return?" I asked.

"She said she would connect the spell to the Warden's Oath," Elissa explained. "As long as either you or I are the first to touch the barrier, we'll be fine. I presume at least one of us will come back."

Cheerful thought.

* * *

With only three of us, we're making swifter progress than usual. It's been quite some time since our party was so small. Ideally, we could get on the imperial highway and follow it to Lothering (or rather whatever's left of Lothering), then head south from there. But there's too much chance that we'd encounter trouble on that route, either in the form of Loghain's own soldiers or else bandits or other fortune seekers interested in the bounty on Grey Wardens.

So we keep to the woods as much as possible, only fighting what must be fought. We've had little in the way of human contact as a result, though the farther south we go, the more likely we are to encounter darkspawn - and _those_ we will fight until they're all dead. I always feel a twinge of guilt when killing another person, even if they provoked it; I never feel any about genlocks or hurlocks.

* * *

Elissa shocked us a bit today when we stopped for the midday meal. She was sitting by the fire, bundled in her cloak - it made her look small somehow - and she said, "I have a favor to ask of the two of you."

"What is it?" asked Wynne.

"While we're in the south... Morrigan requested something of me."

"I already don't like the sound of this, but go on," I said.

She explained that Morrigan has learned - I'm guessing from that black grimoire we swiped from the mage tower, but she didn't say as much - that the secret to Flemeth's extended lifetime is to... well, to be honest, this doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Flemeth gives birth to a daughter, raises the daughter until her current body is too old to keep going, and then body-snatches the daughter in order to continue living. She makes sure her daughters are all skilled in magic so the process is easier. Creepy. Anyway, Morrigan's request was nothing less, and nothing more, than that Elissa head back to the swamp and _kill_ Flemeth.

"I'm not easy in my mind about it," she said. "Flemeth saved our lives at Ostagar. It seems wrong to take hers."

"Then what will you do?"

"I'll go to the swamp, if you're willing to accompany me, after we do what needs to be done at Ostagar. Maybe we can find a peaceful resolution. I want to try that, at any rate."

I looked at Wynne, and she looked at me. "We'll go with you," she told Elissa. "I don't know this mother of Morrigan's, but if nothing else, I'm not comfortable letting you face her on your own."

"Thank you."

* * *

I'm really growing very fond of Wynne. We chat a lot, she and I. We've talked about whether we think the Circle of Magi will ever be back to normal, and if she'll be strong enough to face the memories when she returns there. (She doesn't think she will be; I disagree, she's a pretty strong lady.) I asked if she has any children or grandchildren, and then I may have accidentally sort of insulted her by telling her she struck me as the grandmotherly type. She took it in mostly good humor, though. Then she admitted that sometimes the mages of the Circle would seek each other out for, ahem, company. After that she didn't seem so much like a grandmother anymore.

* * *

Ostagar.

I've waited to update this journal simply because I needed time to process my own feelings about everything we endured there. That the place was crawling with darkspawn came as no surprise, but other things most certainly did. Some of them weren't even bad.

We entered the ruins, and at first, all was quiet except our own boots crunching on the snow. We were on the western side of the gorge, where we used to sleep and live and... well. Elissa kept gazing around in some confusion; I couldn't really blame her. The snow obscured many landmarks, so we were each rather disoriented, and of the three of us she had spent the least amount of time there - she only arrived the day before the battle, after all.

Abruptly, however, she seemed to gain some sort of understanding of where we were. She moved forward slowly, up a ramp (those ancient Tevinters really didn't care much for stairs, come to think of it), paused, and looked around again. And then she smiled.

"Alistair," she said, "this is where we first met."

I studied the area for a moment. "You're right," I agreed. "I was standing just here, and you approached from that direction."

"And you said you love how the Blight brings everyone together."

"And you called me a strange man."

"And I was right."

I had to grin at her. The hood of her cloak was thrown back, and her cheeks were pink from the cold. A few rays of winter sunshine were sneaking down through the cloud cover, one of them finding the back of her head to illuminate. It made her sort of glow for a moment, especially with that impish little smile on her face.

Wynne spared me from possibly saying anything inconvenient by clearing her throat. "That's very sweet, children," she scolded mildly, "but we need to keep moving."

"That we do. Though, if we met here," Elissa said, looking around again, "then the old Tevinter chapel where I took my Joining should be over there, and I just want to see..." She trailed off, heading in that direction, and by the time we caught up to her she was searching through the snow.

"Elissa? What are you -"

She interrupted my question with a little cry of joy, and stood up. "I thought - I hoped - it was still here." Turning around, she lifted her hands, and there in her grip was the Joining Chalice, the silver rim still bearing faint bloodstains from ceremonies past. "Here, Alistair, you take it. Keep it safe. We'll need it if we're going to ever replenish our numbers."

"I can hardly believe you found it," I said, accepting the goblet. "You really are amazing."

The moment was interrupted by an attack by some darkspawn, and once they were all dead, we made the sickening discovery that one of them was wearing Cailan's greaves. His gold armor, with the dragon head on the breastplate, is too distinctive not to recognize; I remember our father wearing it on those rare occasions I saw him when I was younger. I held the greaves in my hands, just staring at them, and the two women watched me.

It was Wynne who chose to speak. "What's the matter, Alistair?"

"I don't know. It just feels wrong to find this here, pawed over by darkspawn and thick with their rot. It was his."

"I know, I feel it too," she said gently. "But he is not the first king to ever fall in battle, or even the first to fall to the darkspawn."

"Yes, but..." I was trying to find words. "This wound cuts deeper." I don't even know why. It's not like Cailan and I had a relationship. But still... he was my king. And my brother. I resolved, in that moment, to find the rest of his armor, and do something with it to honor his memory.

We cleared the western grounds of darkspawn. There were a few items worth reclaiming still on the grounds - some arrows, a stray book, things that I'm sure can be put to use at Soldier's Peak. Elissa found the statue Elric had described and retrieved his key, and with some difficulty we located Cailan's private chest. Inside were documents - correspondence between Cailan and the Empress of Orlais, indicating that they were in peace negotiations. The Empress had agreed to send forces to help us fight the darkspawn and was just waiting for his response - a response that will never come, now, thanks to Loghain's betrayal.

I said as much, and Wynne replied, "Never is a long time, Alistair. Give it time and let cooler heads prevail. There will be peace between us yet."

This object of our mission concluded, I expressed to my companions my desire to reclaim the rest of Cailan's armor, and they agreed. To that end, Elissa began to lead us across the bridge toward the Tower of Ishal, but halfway there we stopped. She made this noise of pure horror and turned away her head.

Cailan's body was there, at the midpoint of the bridge. The darkspawn had strung him up and left him to rot. I'm amazed they spared him the dignity of leaving his smallclothes. He hung on a strange display, his arms outstretched, his neck bent at a sickening angle. "We have to do something," Elissa said miserably. "We can't leave him like this."

"We won't." I looked up at his familiar face. There was more of a resemblance between us than I had ever really noticed when he was alive. "Forgive us, my king. When we have driven the darkspawn from their holes and bought ourselves some time, we shall return to see you to the Maker."

We barely had time to turn away from Cailan to deal with the next group of darkspawn that came charging at us from the far side of the bridge. In the distance we could see a particular darkspawn, a crazed-looking figure who seemed to be directing the others. In fact, it took a few sightings before I understood it, but he was actually using _magic_. I didn't know darkspawn could be that advanced in their thought processes. Then again, darkspawn are twisted versions of the three main races, and magic is an inborn ability, so... I guess it's possible. I'm trying not to think about it too much, it makes my head hurt.

We cleared off the enemy, not that easily to be honest. The darkspawn mage, or whatever he is, ran into the tower so we had to give chase. A lot of this has blurred in my mind, although we did recover Cailan's gauntlets and breastplate in the process. We had to follow the mage down _under_ the Tower of Ishal, where there's a series of tunnels and old Tevinter burial sites. "Ugh," I muttered, "down the hole and into the deep. I don't want to even imagine where that leads." But we had no choice, not if we wanted to properly avenge those lost in the battle. And of course, we did.

After a grueling series of fights through the tunnels, we emerged below the ruins. There was a fairly peaceful-looking sort of field there, and we couldn't help thinking that the worst was over. We were wrong. The mage turned out to be - well, Wynne said it's a special kind of mage called a necromancer, able to resurrect the dead, and he... I can hardly believe I'm writing this. He resurrected the ogre that killed Duncan. His sword and dagger were still in the thing's chest, I recognized their hilts.

And we killed it. We avenged Duncan, took back his weapons. And then we killed the necromancer and reclaimed Cailan's helm. "There it is, the last of them," I said with a sigh. Elissa was cleaning Duncan's sword.

"It's been a long day," said Wynne. "By the lines around your eyes, Alistair, I daresay you look as old as I."

"And if I may say so, my lady," I teased her, "you appear to be getting younger by the day."

"Be careful who you flirt with, young man," she said with a chuckle. "When you wake up beside me tomorrow morning, I'll be back to reminding you of your grandmother."

I saw Elissa's eyes go wide, though she was evidently trying not to listen. I glanced at Wynne, who shrugged. "It wouldn't be the first time I woke to find a younger man in my bed."

"Are all women this conniving and evil when they get old?"

"Just me, my dear."


	13. Mixed Metal Rounds

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** Thanks to all my readers and reviewers as usual, and a special thanks to my goddaughter Kristie, for beta reading the funeral scene and making some good suggestions.

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: Mixed Metal Rounds**

_A memento of an early conquest, mercenary or romantic. Incriminating items melted down into nondescript tokens. The contributing parts were likely worth more than the result, but that's not the point._

* * *

I had to leave off writing there, as we are still on the road. Since things don't really stop happening long enough for me to write them down, keeping this journal updated may be a lost cause until we get back to Soldier's Peak. Still, I'll try.

We were all bone-tired after our battles with the ogre and the darkspawn necromancer, but we had a promise to keep to Cailan. So we trudged back up to the Ostagar bridge, satisfied that we had purged the grounds of darkspawn at least for the time being. He was waiting for us, and I looked up at his bloodied body. I'd never felt a pain quite like what I felt in that moment. "Alistair, are you all right?" asked Wynne.

"They left him here to _rot_," I said, repeating my earlier observation. "We need to do something."

"He is of royal blood," said Elissa. "He deserves a pyre."

"He was a good man," I said, "who hoped too much and died too young. He deserves what little honor we can afford to grant him." I looked at the pieces of his armor we had collected, uncertain. "Should we dress him first?"

"I thought you would want to keep the armor," said Wynne. "It belonged to your father. It's rightfully yours."

I turned to her, puzzled. "How did you know? About Maric and me, I mean."

"Little hints, here and there. You and our late lamented king - both of them, I should say - have the same jawline, the same eyes. Things like that. Once I had formed my suspicion, I asked the one person I was fairly sure would be in your confidence." She glanced at Elissa, who looked apologetic. "I haven't told anyone, don't worry." (I was glad to hear that. I don't know what Morrigan might do with that sort of knowledge, but I'm sure it would be unpleasant.)

"It's all right. As for the armor, I'm torn," I admitted. "On the one hand, it _would_ be nice to have the family armor, but on the other... it's not like I was ever really part of the family, you know? It might be mine by blood-right, but I'd honestly rather wear Duncan's armor. He was more of a father to me."

"Well, you do have his sword, at least," said Elissa encouragingly.

"It's something," I agreed. "But I wish I had something that was more like... something that felt more like his, to remember him by."

"Well, in the meantime, there's the armor. And it really is good armor."

"It is. If you're sure - if you think it's right."

"I do." Her face fell. "Let's attend to our king first, though."

It was no easy feat to get Cailan down from where the darkspawn had hung him, and more than once I had to forcibly _not_ think about what I was doing. We finally got him unhooked, though, and once the pyre was built we laid him gently on the wood. Elissa did something that I didn't quite understand; she drew a knife and cut off one of his small braids. I supposed she had a reason, although I haven't yet worked out what it might be and I don't entirely feel right asking. Wynne cast a fire spell with her staff, and the blaze was soon crackling away.

We stood and watched it for a long time. I sort of wished Leliana were there, to sing some funeral dirge; she probably knows something that would have suited. Instead we all just kept silent. Beside me, Elissa's head was bent. She took off her gauntlets and raised her hood; perhaps it's a Highever tradition.

I thought about Cailan, about the man he was. He was a good king, or at least he tried to be. He wanted only the best for Ferelden. I know that. And as little as we knew one another, there's a part of me that will always miss him, and regret what never had the chance to be.

Something cold and soft brushed my palm. Glancing down, I saw that Elissa had reached over and folded her hand around mine. Our fingers interlocked. When my eyes found her face, her hood was obscuring one eye; the one that was visible had tears in it. I wasn't sure if she was crying for Cailan, or for me, or maybe both. But she could see that I was in pain, and she was trying to comfort me. She, who has endured more pain and loss in recent months than anyone should ever have to endure in their lifetime, only wanted to ease _mine_.

And in that instant, I knew.

I guess I can't do anything quite normally. There I was, attending my half-brother's funeral pyre, realizing for the first time that I am completely and hopelessly in love with this woman. Or maybe I've always known it and this was just the first time I let myself admit it. Maybe I've been hers since the moment I first laid eyes on her; isn't that what they say in the ballads and things? I don't know.

* * *

We're still in Ostagar, until morning. After Cailan's pyre burned itself out and the ashes scattered to the winds, we crossed back to the western camp and sheltered in a relatively intact portion of the ruins. Wynne tended our battle wounds, and the two women helped me clean Cailan's armor so that I might wear it. I'll probably need to have Mikhael Dryden replace some of the buckles and padding when we get back to Soldier's Peak, but it's serviceable and fits well enough.

Elissa sleeps. Her cloak is white, which I don't think I mentioned before, and she looks like a snow maiden. I probably shouldn't watch her sleep, it's a little creepy. But she looks peaceful.

When Wynne shook me awake for my turn at watch, she berated me for fussing with one of my bandaged wounds. I complained about the itch, and she said that if it reopens and festers, she won't heal it again. I don't want that to happen, so to distract myself from the wound, I asked for her advice. I admit I'm not sure _why_ I asked for her advice, except that... well, next to Elissa herself, I probably trust Wynne the most out of all our companions. And she's like the grandmother, or even the mother, that I never really had.

"Wynne... what would you do if someone told you they loved you?"

"Check their eyesight first, perhaps," she said dryly. She gave me a strange look. "Is this someone I should know about?"

"No. I mean, pretend you're a woman."

You know, you'd think I would have learned my lesson after pulling that with Leliana, but nooo. Wynne was less sarcastic about it, at least. "I _am _a woman, Alistair. That shouldn't be too hard, but I'll give it a try."

"No, that's not what I meant. Just... pretend you're another woman. And someone told you that they loved you. How would you react?"

She looked very curious now, and I was starting to regret bringing it up. "Does this someone just blurt it out? Do I love them back? I need context."

"I don't know if you love them back." Oh, Maker, please let her love me back, someday. "Maybe you do. You've spent a lot of time with this person."

She suggested that I wait for the right moment - get her alone and maybe give her a gift. I tried to tell her that I wasn't speaking about myself, but Wynne wasn't born yesterday and I could tell she wasn't fooled. She was still chuckling when she went off to her bedroll.

* * *

So we have seen Flemeth.

We broke camp at first light and headed into the Korcari Wilds once again. It was surprisingly easy to locate Flemeth's hut, or at least I was surprised. When we found her waiting for us, though, it made a lot more sense. She knew we were coming, so she made sure we could find our way through the swamp.

Not only did she know we were coming, she knew _why_ we were coming. Ugh, these Witches of the Wilds make my skin crawl - she and her daughter both. Elissa was her usual gracious self, insisting that she only wanted to talk. Flemeth just laughed about how Morrigan had "at last found someone to dance to her tune." To her credit, she figured out pretty quickly that Elissa didn't want to kill her, and she was willing to avoid the confrontation.

"Morrigan wishes my grimoire." I don't even want to know how she knew. "Take it as a trophy. Tell her I am slain."

"What happens to you?" Elissa looked confused.

"I go. Perhaps someday I surprise Morrigan. Or I may simply watch. It will be interesting to see what she does with her freedom - would you grant an old woman that?"

"Do you think she will believe it?"

"We believe what we want to believe," Flemeth said. That's probably true.

Elissa thought it over. "I could do that," she said at last. "Maker knows I don't want to battle with you, Flemeth. Not after you saved our lives."

"It's far easier this way, don't you think?" The witch smirked. "The lies are always more fun."

"Fun?" I interjected. "Tricking Morrigan? Oh... who am I kidding? That does sound fun! I'm a bad man." Elissa tried not to laugh.

Flemeth directed her to enter the hut, where the grimoire was inside a trunk. Wynne and I waited outside, the two elderly mages eyeing each other. I don't think Wynne entirely approves of Elissa consenting to just take the book and go, but she also knows that Flemeth is the reason there are any Grey Wardens left in Ferelden. So whatever she really thinks, she's holding her tongue.

Elissa emerged, the grimoire in her hands, and looked at Flemeth. "Thank you, once again."

"You and I will not meet again, young Warden. That, I guarantee."

"Farewell, then."

We made our way back through the swamp to Ostagar once more, as it was easier to return to the road from there. Elissa was silent, subdued. I think she's worried that Morrigan will be able to sense the truth, that we didn't really kill her mother. I don't know if Elissa's a good liar or not, since as far as I can tell she's never lied where I could see it. But if Morrigan can honestly be said to like anybody, it's probably Elissa, and she might figure that the only way Elissa could possibly have brought her the grimoire would be to have killed Flemeth. So maybe there won't need to be much lying at all.

* * *

We're on our way to Honnleath, traveling around the southern shore of Lake Calenhad.

I haven't talked to Elissa yet. I mean, we've talked, but not about what's on my mind. I'm thinking maybe Wynne's right, I'll just give her the rose and see what comes of it. I need to wake her in about an hour for her turn at watch, and I wonder if that would be a good time.

* * *

It wasn't, as it turns out. She was having another taint-fueled nightmare and it didn't feel exactly right to follow that up with "Here's a flower, and have I mentioned that I don't think I could ever live without you again?"

I did help her to stand, because she felt a bit shaky after throwing off the dream. Her being shaky was convenient for me, though, as horrible as that sounds. It helped to hide the fact that my hands started shaking when I got close to her. Maker's breath, what is this woman _doing_ to me?

* * *

I'm still having trouble understanding just what in Andraste's name happened today.

We're just beyond the southernmost point of Lake Calenhad, and we had rounded a bend in the path when a woman ran up to us, breathless and looking terrified. "Thank the Maker!" she cried. "We need help, please, they attacked the wagon! Follow me, I'll take you to them!" Naturally, off we went.

The woman led us to an elf, with odd tattoos on his face. He looked at us, and raised his hand in some sort of gesture, and then abruptly we were surrounded by warriors. They popped up out of the broken wagon, ran along the top of the hill to our left. Elissa had to dive out of the way of the dead tree they nearly pushed onto her.

As I helped her up, the elf shouted, "The Grey Warden dies here!"

It was a pretty brutal fight; we were vastly outnumbered. Thank the Maker we had Wynne with us, because I'm fairly sure her healing magic kept both Elissa and me from collapsing more than once. When the dust finally cleared, we had managed to vanquish our foes, but the elf was, somehow, still alive - unconscious, but alive. "Bind him," said Elissa. "When he wakes, I want answers."

Before I could find anything with which to bind him, however, he started to wake. He groaned, staring up at us, and mostly he just seemed surprised to find himself alive. "I rather thought I would wake up dead," he admitted. (How does one 'wake up dead,' I wonder?) "But I see you haven't killed me yet." He was studying Elissa. "You're rather an aggressive little minx, aren't you? Lovely, too."

I don't believe I have ever in my life been so close to growling. It only got worse.

The elf knew he was about to be interrogated, so he offered to save us the trouble of questioning him by volunteering the answers. "My name is Zevran - Zev to my friends - and I am a member of the Antivan Crows, brought here for the sole purpose of slaying any surviving Grey Wardens. Which I have failed at, sadly."

"I'm rather happy you failed," Elissa said flatly.

"As would I be in your shoes." Zevran spent a few minutes lamenting his fate, saying something about how being captured by the target would put a crimp in his assassin's career. He then explained, at her request, that the Crows are an order of assassins in Antiva who are renowned for getting the job done. They're apparently rather expensive to hire. Unsurprisingly, Zevran's employer is _Loghain_. Well, who else in Ferelden (or anywhere else) has reason to want to kill Grey Wardens?

Except... while he was continuing to explain things to Elissa and answer her questions, I realized something. Zevran hadn't said "The Grey Wardens die here." He said "The Grey Warden _dies_ here." He was speaking only of one. He wasn't hired to kill us both - he was hired to kill _her_. Up until that point, I was sure I'd been doing the right thing by letting Elissa be the mouthpiece of the group. We're surely doing better under her leadership than we would be under mine, right? She's courageous and intelligent and, as I said to Duncan after her Joining, she seems born to lead. But now I can't help wondering if I've made a mistake. Maybe, by keeping quiet, I've inadvertently placed the woman I love in danger. I'll need to think about this some more.

I sort of came back to the conversation when Zevran started making an offer. "Here's the thing. I failed to kill you, so my life is forfeit," he said. "If you don't kill me, the Crows will. I _like_ living, and you obviously are the sort to give the Crows pause, so let me serve you instead."

She looked surprised, and understandably suspicious. "How do I know you won't stab me in my sleep or something?"

"I happen to be a very loyal person," he protested. "Well, until the point where someone expects me to die for failing. That's not really a fault, is it?" He explained that he hadn't really had a choice about joining the Crows, who bought him as a child from some slave market. Charming place, Antiva. "The only way to get out of the Crows is to sign up with someone they can't touch," he said, gesturing toward her. "Even if I were to kill you now, they might just kill me on principle. Honestly, I'd rather take my chances with you."

She was still frowning. "You must think I'm royally stupid."

"I think you're royally hard to kill. And _utterly_ gorgeous," he added. "Not that I think you'll respond to simple flattery. But there are worse things in life than serving the whims of a deadly sex goddess."

I nearly took his head off for that comment. In fact, I guess I made some move to draw my sword, because Wynne put a hand on my arm to stop me. "Don't," she murmured.

The negotiation carried on for a few more minutes. All Zevran requested was that he be allowed to live and that, if at some point Elissa decided she had no more use for him, she let him go his own way. "Until then, I am yours. Is that fair?"

She asked what benefits she would derive from the arrangement. He cited various rogue-like skills - picking locks, stealth, stabbing people in the back, being able to stand around and look pretty (wait, that's not a skill...) - and pointed out that since he knows how the Crows operate, he would be able to protect himself as well as Elissa. "Not that you seem to need much help in that regard." Oh, he also offered to help warm her bed or fend off unwanted suitors, and Wynne had to take a firmer grip on my arm.

"I don't need assistance with those things," Elissa replied calmly. Thank the Maker for her good sense. "But for the rest... very well. I will accept your offer."

"Does that really seem like a good idea?" I blurted. I was honestly concerned, it wasn't all jealousy. Okay, there was a lot of jealousy. But I was also worried he might betray us. Her.

"Don't worry about it," she said gently. "We could use him."

"All right," I grumbled, "I see your point. Still, if there was a sign that we were desperate, I think it just knocked on the door and said hello."

She gave me a quick smile, then helped Zevran to his feet. "I hereby pledge my oath of loyalty to you, until such time as you choose to release me from it," he said formally. "I am your man, without reservation. This I swear." And he bowed. Well, maybe it'll be all right. I hope.

"My name is Elissa," she told him. "You may call me that. This is Wynne, a senior enchanter of the Fereldan Circle of Magi, and Alistair, my fellow Grey Warden."

"So there _are_ more than one of you. I wasn't sure. Loghain's man was mostly intent on having me rid him of you, lady."

"Loghain's man?" she repeated. "You mean Arl Howe?"

"I believe that was the name, yes."

"That explains a great deal." She scowled.

"I am surprised to find your entourage so small," he said as we started to return to the path.

"We three are handling a few minor errands. The rest of our party is back at Soldier's Peak - we'll be returning there once we take a look at the situation in the village of Honnleath."

Elissa and Wynne fell in step beside each other, conversing quietly, so I dropped back to chat with Zevran. "I just thought that, since we'll be traveling together, I'd offer some advice," I said.

"Oh? And what advice might that be? I am open to suggestion."

"If there's ever a confrontation," I said, "always let Elissa do most of the talking. She's noble-born; she's been trained in diplomacy. Believe me, it's probably saved our lives a few times."

"That seems wise. Anything else?"

"Back in Soldier's Peak you'll meet a Qunari warrior called Sten. He doesn't like being asked questions. Also, he doesn't seem to want to play _I Spy_, but that's probably just me."

"Interesting."

"And don't ever let anyone hear you offer to warm her bed again."

"Pardon?"

"Just trust me. If you persist in paying her attentions she doesn't want, it will end badly for you."

"...attentions that _she_ doesn't want, or attentions that _someone else_ doesn't want paid to her?"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't ask that, and just say that you haven't met Morrigan. Elissa is the only person in the world she seems to actually like. If she thinks you're pestering, you could wake up as a toad or worse."

"Ah. This is good advice, thank you."

* * *

I'm reading back over what I wrote. Well, I'm pretending to read. Mostly what I'm doing is watching Elissa being Elissa, and Zevran lapping it up like cream. She's doing the same thing she normally does when the rest of the group is with us - talking to him and getting to know him. And I wouldn't mind, except that he sort of tried to kill her and then unleashed all sorts of silver-tongued flattery on her.

She wants to befriend her would-be killer, fine. I suppose it's not the strangest thing she's done. But I don't think being _friends_ is what he has in mind.

The rose. That settles it. I'm giving her the rose, as soon as I can get her alone.

* * *

When Elissa woke me for my turn at watch, I knew it was my only real chance. "Can you sit up with me for a few minutes?"

"Of course. What's on your mind?"

"Have a look at this." And I put the rose in her hands. It was snowing lightly again, flakes resting on the red petals. "Do you know what this is?"

"It's a rose." She looked confused by the stupid question. Then she smiled. "Is this your new weapon of choice?"

"Yes, that's right. Watch as I thrash our enemies with the mighty power of floral arrangements! Feel my thorns, darkspawn! I will overpower you with my rosy scent!" We both laughed quietly. "Or it could just be a rose," I continued. "I know it's pretty dull by comparison."

"Well, sentiment can be a pretty potent weapon." She brought it to her nose.

"Is it that easy to see right through me?" Of course it is. She's always been able to see right through me, almost from the very beginning. She understands me, somehow, in a way that no one else ever has, and she was the first person in my whole life to make me feel like she liked me for who I am. I never had a chance of _not_ falling for her.

I explained how I had picked the rose in Lothering, how I had been surprised that something so beautiful had managed to exist in the midst of so much ugliness. How the idea of the darkspawn taint destroying it had been too painful, and I couldn't leave it.

"And I thought I might give it to you," I admitted. "In a lot of ways, I think the same thing when I look at you. Here I am sometimes, doing all this complaining, and you haven't exactly had an easy time of things yourself. You've had none of the good experiences of being a Grey Warden - not a word of thanks or congratulations. It's all been death and fighting and tragedy." I was trying to find the words. "I just wanted to say something. To let you know what a rare and wonderful thing you've been to find in the midst of all this darkness."

She seemed like she was trying to hide behind the rose, which was awkward and sweet because it was not nearly big enough. "That's probably the loveliest thing anyone's ever said to me." Playfully, she asked, "So, are we married now?"

_Yes please_ didn't seem like the right answer. I coughed. "You won't land me that easily, woman! I know I'm quite the prize."

She chuckled. "Indeed. Thank you, Alistair."

"Sleep well, Elissa."


	14. Wilhelm's Special Brew

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** This story does end eventually... right? ;) I hope those of you who celebrated it all had a great Thanksgiving holiday.

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Wilhelm's Special Brew**

_This dark-colored ale gives off a thick, oaky smell. Swirling it in the tankard, you notice it takes on an unexpected glow._

* * *

I've given Elissa the rose, and she seems pleased with it, but I'm not sure what that means for, well, us. Are we anything more to each other than what we were yesterday?

Well, if nothing's come of it by the time we get back to Soldier's Peak, I'll just have to find the courage to spit it out completely. For the moment, I'll try to focus on our mission to Honnleath.

* * *

I'm watching the interaction between Elissa and Zevran closely. Probably a little too closely; Wynne's having far too much fun smirking at me. But while I'm definitely seeing that he stares at her plenty, and makes subtle little suggestive comments, she doesn't seem to do anything to encourage it.

Actually, and I'm giving this maybe entirely too much thought, but I don't know that his interest is all that sincere either. I almost get the impression that he's flirting more out of force of habit than anything. He probably uses sweet talk and suggestion to get close to his marks.

Come to think of it, isn't that what Leliana did as a bard? I'm pretty sure I've heard that about Orlesian bards. And Elissa's not treating Zevran really any differently than she treats Leliana. Who knows, maybe I'll wake for my turn at watch one night and find them braiding each other's hair.

All right, that mental picture was more amusing than I want to admit.

* * *

So today we reached Honnleath.

The village is set on an elevated hillside plateau, and only one road leads in or out. We were just striking up the path when I felt it, and I could tell by the way she pulled Starfang that Elissa could too. _Darkspawn_.

Even if we hadn't been able to sense them, the hanged bodies dangling over the road would have been a dead giveaway - darkspawn enjoy doing that, for whatever reason. A few escaping villagers rushed past us as they managed to flee the sight of the carnage, but although we very soon defeated every darkspawn warrior we found in the village proper, we arrived too late to save any of the residents who lay scattered on the ground.

"So this is what you do?" Zevran asked, once the fighting was over. (I will say that the elf might not have been a match for _us_, but he acquitted himself very well against the darkspawn.) "You go around killing these things in the hope of stopping them from killing others?"

"That's a very succinct way of putting it, but essentially, yes, that's what Grey Wardens do," Elissa replied.

"Two Grey Wardens against an entire army of these monsters?"

"There used to be more of us. We can tell you about it when we camp tonight, if you wish."

"I admit to being intrigued."

The golem in quest of which we had come stood in a little garden-y sort of patch in the center of the village, its arms reaching to the sky. Elissa pulled out the control rod and uttered the command phrase the merchant had given her, but nothing happened.

"Well, never mind this thing for now," she said. "We should look around to see if there are any other survivors, because there are definitely more darkspawn. You feel them too, don't you, Alistair?"

"Yes."

"You feel them?" Zevran repeated.

"It's a Grey Warden thing. Elissa and I can sense when there are darkspawn nearby." I guess I was trying to make it sound like this was something special she and I share. At least, I suppose that's how it sounded, because Wynne was smirking again.

After some poking about in corners, we found an open door leading into someone's very, very, _very_ large basement. I've never seen a basement that large that wasn't in a castle. It seemed like there were layers and layers of basement. The darkspawn were collected in the rooms, and as we reached what seemed to be the final room, we figured out why. What surviving villagers remained were huddled behind a protective magic barrier. The darkspawn couldn't get to them, but they were in genuine danger of starving to death.

"Thank the Maker! We're saved!" one of them cried, once the darkspawn were all dead.

Elissa began to speak with the owner of the home, a man called Matthias. His father had been an apostate mage named Wilhelm, and he had taught his son to make use of the barrier. He asked if we'd been sent by the bann, and looked repulsed when she revealed that a merchant had told us about the village. "You came for Shale, didn't you?!"

"Is that the golem's name?"

"My mother must have sold the control rod years ago to prevent it from being revived."

Elissa apologized for asking, then explained that the activation phrase hadn't worked. He offered a trade - his daughter had fled into the lower recesses of the basement (like I said, layers!), and there were traps in there that he couldn't get past. The neighbor who had tried to go after her had been killed by them, but Matthias reasoned that a Grey Warden would have better luck. If we would bring out his little girl Amalia, he would give us the correct activation phrase and the golem was ours.

The traps weren't difficult, at least not compared to some of the stuff we've already seen. A walk in the park compared with the Fade, for example. In the very last room (for real this time) we found Amalia. She was kneeling and talking to a yellow cat, which she called "Kitty." Amalia said she and "Kitty" were playing a guessing game. Frankly, the child was more than a little creepy, insisting that the cat could talk. Of course, then it _did _talk, and its eyes glowed purple with every word.

"Demon?" I muttered to Wynne.

"Demon."

The demon was fairly straightforward with us. Wilhelm the apostate had trapped it there, penned in by a barrier across the door through which only mortals could pass. What the demon wanted was to take possession of Amalia's body and experience the outside world through her eyes. The only reason this hadn't yet happened was because there was a complicated puzzle set into the floor, which controlled the barrier, and Amalia could not solve it.

"I can't let you have the girl," said Elissa. "Let her go and I will solve the puzzle so you can be free."

Reluctantly, the demon agreed. What Elissa had to do, by all appearances, was connect a sequence of flaming squares so they created a path from one corner of the floor to another. She kept yelping in pain as she got burned, pushing the squares around.

Wynne was kept busy casting spells to cool her skin. "You're doing just fine, Elissa."

"Do you want help?" I asked. I felt awful. I'm not very good at puzzles like that, but knowing that she was hurting - I would rather have been the one getting burned than watching her go through it.

"It's all right, Alistair, I think I've almost got it." Finally, she was done, and I sort of caught her as she staggered away from the puzzle. She leaned against me for a minute, looking grateful, and behind us the weird yellow glow over the door faded.

"I can feel it!" the demon cried. "The barrier is dissolving!"

"Don't forget your promise," Elissa said sternly, standing on her own again.

"I have changed my mind," said the demon. "I like the girl. I do not think I will find another like her." A demon going back on its word - I was so surprised, truly.

Amalia, fortunately, finally decided that "Kitty" was frightening, and she ran out of the room. So then the demon took on its true shape - a desire demon by the look of things - and summoned some friends to help it attack us. I wonder what it says about our lives that this felt almost commonplace. It was new enough to Zevran, though, and he took a pretty heavy injury to one arm and had to be tended by Wynne as soon as the fighting was over.

"We'll need to get you some better armor when we get back to Soldier's Peak," Elissa commented. "Are you sure you'd rather take your chances with us than with the Crows?"

"Oh, no, this is very interesting," he replied lightly. "Besides, I made my oath."

We returned to Matthias, who was overjoyed to have his daughter back safely. As promised, he gave Elissa the correct phrase to activate the golem, and then he and Amalia (and, I'm guessing, the rest of their neighbors) fled. I can't blame them for wanting to get out of Honnleath, which probably holds too many bad memories to be endured any longer.

Back outside, we examined the statue once again, and Elissa spoke the activation phrase. This one worked - the statue's eyes and mouth began to glow, and its limbs began to move, and we all backed up. "Are you sure this was a good idea?" Wynne asked Elissa.

"It's too late now even if it wasn't."

The golem stretched, for lack of a better way to put it, and its arms and legs made cracking sounds. It looked at us and emitted a sigh. "I knew the day would come when someone would find the control rod." It sounded almost... bored, in a way. Its voice has a strange echo-y sort of quality; I know that's how I described Connor's voice when he was possessed by the demon, but this is different. Connor had sounded like two voices talking at once. Himself and the demon, I guess. The golem's voice sounds like it's echoing out of a stone chamber, which come to think of it does make a lot of sense. Anyway, it stared at Elissa for a moment. "And not even a mage this time. It stumbled across the rod by accident, I suppose."

I think Elissa was a bit taken aback at being called 'it.' She and the golem - Shale, Matthias had called it - began to speak. Shale revealed that it had been standing in one spot for a good thirty years, unable to move, absolutely harassed by birds. The villagers had even put baskets of birdseed near the golem (there was one right there as it spoke) to encourage the birds to 'visit.' Considering what the birds most likely _did_ to Shale when they were there, what kind of a mess they must have made, I can't really fault it for not liking them. Also, it watched the villagers, who evidently had no idea they were being observed. Creepy. It clearly had no affection for the villagers (although, again, I guess I can't blame it) and seemed somewhat disappointed to learn that some of them had survived the darkspawn invasion.

A curious development occurred then, as we discovered the control rod was now useless. Shale could move without being ordered, and could in fact ignore any order Elissa gave. They tested this theory, with Elissa directing Shale to move to a specific spot and Shale surprised to find itself able to say no. "I feel nothing! I feel no compulsion to carry out its command!"

Elissa asked - warily - what the golem might do now. "I suppose, since the control rod is broken, that means I have free will," Shale mused. "What _should_ I do? I have no memories, beyond watching this village for so long; I have no purpose. I find myself at a bit of a loss. What about it? It must have awoken me for some reason. What did it intend to do with me?"

"I thought you might be of help to us against the Blight," Elissa admitted.

"Might I ask what sort of things it gets up to?"

"Oh... killing darkspawn, mostly. A few other things too, but mostly that."

"Hmm. It speaks of the darkspawn - the very creatures that destroyed this village. Darkspawn are an evil that must be destroyed, it's true," Shale noted agreeably. "Though not as evil as the birds, damnable feathered fiends." It tilted its head, studying Elissa. "I suppose I have two options, do I not? Go with it, or go elsewhere. I do not even know what lies beyond this village."

"What do you want to do?"

"I have no idea." Shale said it had only vague memories at best of life before coming to the village, and spoke of its former master Wilhelm with distaste.

"If you wish, you're welcome to come with us," Elissa offered.

"Are you sure you want to bring that thing with us?" I asked her. "It could be dangerous. And large." I knew she was sure, of course. She is the way she is, and I wouldn't have her otherwise. But I thought it was a good idea to point out the potential for trouble.

She glanced at me, her lips quirked in a not-quite-smile. "Think of it as a portable battering ram."

"...all right, that _could_ be useful. Better it than me, anyhow."

"I will follow it about, then," said Shale. "For now. I am called Shale."

Elissa introduced herself and the rest of us, but I don't think it mattered too much to Shale, really. It seems to prefer saddling each of us with nicknames. So far Wynne is simply 'the mage' (though I wonder if that will change when it meets Morrigan), and I'm 'the second Warden,' which I don't mind. Zevran is 'the painted elf.' I think he likes it, actually.

Elissa, on the other hand, is still 'it.'

* * *

We are headed north once again, and my bones are looking forward to sleeping in the cots of Soldier's Peak once more. Elissa has been amusing herself by describing the fortress to Zevran and Shale, although I'm not sure how much Shale actually listens. She's explained the Grey Wardens a bit better to Zevran as well; I don't know if they just don't have them in Antiva (I don't think they do but I could be wrong), or if he just never bothered to learn anything about them.

* * *

We expect to be back in Soldier's Peak within a few more days. I've lost exact count but I believe we've been away for roughly a fortnight.

I've been thinking, still, about what went through my mind after Zevran attacked us. It bothers me a lot. So while he and Elissa were both asleep, I got up to join Wynne on her watch. She's the only one I'd feel comfortable talking to about it, besides Elissa, and given the subject matter I'm not sure Elissa's the one to consult.

"You're not going to ask me to darn your socks again, are you?" Wynne asked as I approached her.

"No, no."

"Then sit down and tell me what's on your mind. I can see something's bothering you."

I obeyed. "I'm concerned about Zevran," I explained.

"I'm going to presume that you're not worried about him catching a cold."

"Er, no, hadn't crossed my mind, actually."

"I've seen how he is with Elissa. I can imagine that's not to your liking."

"It's not, but even that's not my point. If she starts encouraging him, though, I'll be back for more advice. Or I'll go get drunk."

She chuckled. "What is it, then?"

I told her my fears - that I had, by not acting the part of senior Grey Warden, placed Elissa in danger. "Morrigan teases me about preferring to follow, but it's _Morrigan_. I don't generally put stock in anything she says to me," I said. "But I'm starting to worry she has a point. Zevran turned out to be halfway decent - you know, for an Antivan assassin whose eyes keep wandering to places they don't belong. We might not be so lucky next time."

"Next time? What do you mean?"

"It was Loghain who hired Zevran - well, really it was Arl Howe, acting on Loghain's behalf. He hired Zevran - well, contracted with the Crows, who sent Zevran. I'm digressing. My point is, sooner or later, Loghain's going to realize that Zevran failed. Don't you think he'll try again?"

"I see why you're worried." She was frowning deeply.

"Not that anything is ever going to be able to touch Elissa," I added. "I mean, I wouldn't let it. Even if I didn't... you know, feel like I do about her, she's still my friend and a Grey Warden. Not to mention you and the others - you'd protect her too, right?"

"Of course I would. Elissa is very dear to me, as she is to all of us. Whatever I can do to keep her safe, I will."

I smiled. "You know, of all the mages I've ever met, you're the first one I've ever really liked."

"Why, thank you, Alistair. I'm quite touched." She did look pleased. "I like you too. I imagine my son would have grown up to be someone like you."

"Your son?" I repeated. "I thought you said you were never married."

"That's true, I never have been."

"I - oh. Then this wasn't before you joined the Circle?"

"I joined the Circle at the age of nine," she pointed out. "So no. Do you still like me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Good. It appears you got away from the Chantry just in time."

"You forget, my parents weren't exactly married either," I pointed out. "We seem to have gotten off topic."

"Very well. To come back to your point, then, try not to worry too much. We'll all just have to do our best to protect each other. All right?"

"All right. Thank you, Wynne."


	15. Antique Warden Crossbow

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** Surprise! I did not abandon this story, never fear. I've just been having my butt kicked by the holiday season because I work retail. But rest assured I've been giving Alistair plenty of thought at odd moments, and I have lots of things planned that I think - I hope - you'll all enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: Antique Warden Crossbow**

_Finely calibrated and balanced, this crossbow fires especially hard and true. It has weathered the years quite well._

* * *

And we are again come home to Soldier's Peak.

The shimmery purple barrier was still very much in place as we approached, which I took to mean that all within was well. Elissa reached out and touched it, smiling as it shattered. "Excellent, just as Morrigan promised. Well, Zevran, Shale - welcome to the home of the Grey Wardens."

"Incredible," Zevran said, gazing up at the citadel. "I admit, I was skeptical of your descriptions, but I see now that you quite possibly did not do it justice. It is a marvel."

Shale was much less impressed. "And there are more squishy companions found here? How exciting. But so long as it does not keep birds, I suppose it may be endured."

The barrier sprang back into place once we were all inside the curtain wall, and a familiar barking echoed through the courtyard. Elissa immediately dropped to one knee, and a few seconds later, Toby came barrelling into her outstretched arms. "Told you I'd be back, didn't I?" She rubbed his ears. "Has everyone been well?"

He barked, rolling onto his back for a moment, then righted himself again. "I see. Well, that's why I left you in charge," she told him. "Can you go get the others?" He barked again and took off.

"You have a mabari?" Zevran looked even more impressed. "We have few of them in Antiva, but I understand not just anyone is able to own one."

"They're special creatures," she agreed, rising. "Come, we'll introduce you two to the rest of our company."

The courtyard was bustling with activity; Teagan's refugees had evidently arrived in our absence. We were just greeting Bodhan Feddic when I heard footsteps on the stairs to the keep, and we turned to see Leliana, Morrigan, and Sten. "You seem to have picked up a few strays since you were with us last, Elissa," Morrigan drawled.

"You could say that, I suppose." Elissa looked amused. She made the introductions. "I want to speak to each of you in turn," she added, "about the tasks I set you before we left, but I think we could all do with some rest first. The barrier seems to have worked well, Morrigan, I thank you."

"Hang on," I said. "Didn't you tell me that the barrier was tied to the Warden's Oath?"

"Yes."

"Then how did the refugees get in?"

"I found a discarded Warden's Oath token in my quarters," Elissa explained. "Morrigan used it to create the spell, and to open the barrier as needed. It sounds like everyone's been busy," she added.

"I don't suppose the bath house is operable?" Wynne asked hopefully.

"It was the first thing they fixed," Leliana assured her. "Come, Zevran, I'll show you where you can sleep."

He followed her - rather eagerly by the look of things, actually, I wonder what he thought she meant - and Elissa turned to the others. "Sten, I will seek you out once I've had some sleep myself," she said, and I could see how tired she really was. "Morrigan, if you'll walk with me to my quarters, I'd like to talk to you privately. Shale, make yourself at home." She glanced at me and smiled, then the two women headed off together. I suppose she wanted to give Morrigan the grimoire away from anyone else's eyes. Wynne headed off to take a bath, and Shale followed her through the courtyard. It was kind of funny to watch people duck out of her way.

"The Warden looks weary," Sten commented. "As do you all. Was your venture to the ruins at Ostagar a successful one?" He eyed me and added, "Or was it a shopping trip?"

"What? Oh - the armor." I shook my head. "This is... well, it's a long story. Let's just say that yes, we succeeded in what we went there to do, and while we were out I came into possession of a family heirloom."

"Interesting. And the elf? The golem?"

"We took a side trip to Honnleath and made use of that control rod the merchant gave us," I explained. "None too soon, either, since the place was crawling with darkspawn - we were able to save some of the villagers at least. Zevran... I'm not sure how to explain Zevran."

"With words, I should think."

"Point taken. I'll be blunt - he tried to kill us."

"And he is not dead why?"

"Because our fearless leader is the queen of giving people second chances, I guess."

He groaned, and shook his head. "Her heart is mighty, but entirely too soft. It will be her downfall yet."

"Well, he's bound to her by oath." We turned to walk inside - I wanted food more than rest - and I described the situation. "So far he's been as good as his word. He could have easily escaped when we were in Honnleath, if at no other time, but he helped us with the fighting."

"We still must be vigilant."

"Don't I know it."

* * *

It's good to be back here, and I have to say I'm impressed with how much the refugees have accomplished since they arrived. A couple of them managed to bring livestock, so the stable is getting used for that rather than as the wood workshop Elissa had originally imagined. There's a cow - I'd sort of forgotten how nice fresh milk tastes - and a couple of sheep that are being sheared as we speak. There's also a few chickens, which everyone is doing their best to hide from Shale.

Mikhael Dryden is working on Cailan's armor for me. New padding, some slight adjustments to the sizing, and a good polish are really all it needs. He also sharpened Duncan's blade, and I had Sandal Feddic add a couple of runes.

Elissa's running herself ragged, I swear. She sticks her adorable little nose into everything. If she's not talking to Levi Dryden about his stewardship, then she's going over Sten's notes and drawings, or examining the storehouses, or getting Zevran fitted up with better armor, or talking to Wynne about how she's feeling.

Oh, right, I didn't mention that. See, Wynne _collapsed_ shortly before we came back to Soldier's Peak, and Elissa's been beside herself about it. Apparently, Wynne's... well, I wouldn't call her an abomination, but it's something not entirely different. She died, back at the Circle of Magi, but a friendly spirit in the Fade brought her back to life and is sharing her body. It's a bit odd. She seems all right most of the time, but I know Elissa worries. I do too.

* * *

So it would seem there is a kitten.

One of the refugees brought a small cat. Useful, as far as that goes, for keeping mice out of the granary and whatnot. I like cats. Apparently, so does Sten.

We found this out tonight at dinner, when Leliana gave him that smirky sort of look that Wynne sometimes gives me if I look at Elissa for too long. "I saw what you were doing, Sten."

Everyone turned to look at him in confusion. He just paused in his eating and raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Don't play innocent with me."

"What are you talking about?"

"You. Playing with that kitten."

Well, the whole table had gone quiet by this time. Sten put down his spoon and declared, "There was no kitten."

"Sten, I saw you," Leliana insisted. I saw Elissa trying not to smile. "You were dangling a piece of twine for it."

"I was helping it train," he replied.

"You're a big softie!"

"We will never speak of this again."

"Softie!"

"That's enough, Leli," said Elissa mildly. "Zevran, pass the bread, please. Wynne, how is your knitting coming along, do you have enough yarn?"

"Oh, yes, my dear, thank you."

"Knitting?" I repeated.

"She asked for some good wool yarn. Between Bodahn Feddic and the shearing, I got her as much as I could," Elissa told me. In a quieter voice, for my ears only, she added, "She wants to make Sten a cloak. None of the ones we have here are large enough."

Wynne's so nice, she really is. But I still can't get over the mental picture of _Sten_, of all people, _playing with a kitten_.

* * *

Zevran seems to be settling in well with our company. I can't quite make him out. He's ready enough to like anybody, and to be perfectly honest, he flirts with everything that moves - even Shale. (Not Sten, though. Probably wise.) Shale is a lot harder to get to know, not least because it doesn't seem to want to know anyone. It tolerates Elissa well enough, and it _seems_ to have taken a sort of liking to Sten, but I could be wrong.

We had snow in the night, but today was pretty nice, so we were all out in the courtyard enjoying some winter sunshine, except for Morrigan. I can't make her out either, and I've known her longer than anyone here other than Elissa. I think she only eats meals with us because Elissa asked her to, because she keeps to herself more often than not. I want to say she's just not capable of developing any attachments to anyone, but if that's true, then she's got Elissa completely fooled. Elissa thinks that Morrigan really is her friend - she told me that after she turned over the grimoire, Morrigan admitted that Elissa's the first friend she's ever had. I would certainly have no trouble believing _that_. But I'm not convinced. I still think Morrigan, and her mother, have some sort of long-term plan, and we've become the pawns in it. I'm fairly sure she wouldn't do anything to hurt Elissa, but I still don't trust her.

Anyway, the rest of us were out in the courtyard. Sten was observing Elissa and Leliana, who were sparring. Leliana's coming along very well with her sword studies; she's apparently more used to a bow or a dagger, but she asked Elissa to show her how to swordfight. Zevran was observing them too, but in a very obviously different way than Sten was. Shale was just standing quietly in one corner, watching everyone. Wynne was sitting on a bench the Drydens had placed under one of the pine trees, knitting that cape for Sten, so I went and flopped down at her feet.

"It seems like we got back to Soldier's Peak just in time, with this snow," she said. "But I do love it. It makes everything sparkle."

"Winter was always my favorite season when I was young," I admitted. "Arl Eamon had some stable boys around my age, and we used to have the most wonderful snowball fights."

"Don't get any ideas," she advised me. "I think you'd have some volunteers, but with all the people Bann Teagan sent to help out here, there's really no room for it." She was right, no question. Between the Dryden relatives and the refugees, there are a good two dozen people in the fortress, and that's not even counting our party.

"That's all right. There's enough activity."

We both watched the swordplay for a little time. "Leliana really looks up to Elissa, I've noticed," Wynne remarked. "I get the feeling that trusting people isn't something that comes easily to her. Then again, I get the feeling that this is true of a number of our companions. It's remarkable how they've grown to put their trust in Elissa."

"She's something else," I agreed.

"You know, I asked her about something the other day," Wynne continued. "Do you remember when we held the funeral for your brother, and she cut off one of his braids? I asked her why, and she said she wanted to give it to Queen Anora if they ever met - that she thought the queen might like a token of remembrance."

"That's considerate."

"It is, but I was surprised to learn that she and the queen have never actually met. I honestly would have thought they could have been raised to be friends. They're close in age, both very intelligent women, fully equal in birth and beauty."

"I can't agree with that, Wynne, you know I can't," I objected. "Equal in birth, yes, but not in beauty. Anora can't hold a candle to Elissa."

"And you're so very unbiased on that subject."

"Well... all right, you have a point."

* * *

Morrigan just made me jump out of my skin a bit. I was walking through the hall to the room where I'm staying, and I came round a corner and she was... _there_. Skulking in the shadows, as it were.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for you." She fixed me with those creepy yellow eyes of hers. "I have a question for you, if you don't mind."

"I do mind, but something tells me you don't care."

"You _are_ observant. In truth, though, I do wonder. Is it permissible for two Grey Wardens to... oh, what is the word I search for..."

"Caboodle?"

"Fraternize. That was it." Her eyes were just a bit narrowed. "I've been watching you both, you know, ever since Mother sent me off with you. 'Tis growing more obvious by the day - by the hour, even."

I sighed. "What's wrong with fraternizing? Not that we've - you know. Done much of it."

"That was more than I needed to know. But it seems most undisciplined, for an organization that claims it will do whatever is necessary to end the darkspawn threat."

"One thing has nothing to do with the other." I really didn't understand what she meant.

"Oh, no?" She smirked. "What if a Grey Warden were forced to choose between the Warden he loved and ending the Blight? What should his choice be?"

I sputtered. She was comparing apples and oranges, wasn't she? How could I ever be forced to choose between my love for Elissa and my duty to the Wardens? In my mind, they've essentially become the same thing, since she _is_ the only other Warden. "That is a ridiculous question," I finally managed.

"And I have my answer. Most kind of you." She folded her arms. "Having said that, I would say one thing more. I do not approve."

"Good thing I've never been concerned about that, or my feelings would be really hurt."

"Setting aside the whole issue of fraternization," she said, ignoring me, "my objection is a very basic one. It comes to this: you are not good enough for her."

I still don't trust her, but apparently I have to admit that she does have some genuine fondness for Elissa. "Well, for what it's worth, Morrigan," I said, "I agree with you."

"Impressive. Leliana spoke truly, then. You _do_ have more sense than a stone."

* * *

Elissa's overdoing it, I think. She's a little too enthusiastic about our purpose here at the Peak.

When we're indoors, she's adopted the habit of not usually wearing her armor, a habit that most of us are slowly adopting as well. (Not Morrigan, of course; then again, she doesn't wear armor in the first place.) Levi Dryden managed to pick up some simple outfits, cotton and linen mostly, and it's become quite usual to see our commander walking around inside the keep wearing a white tunic and trousers. I have to admit that these clothes are a lot more comfortable for sitting, and they're rather nice for sleeping as well.

Tonight she was doing both. She disappeared after dinner, saying something about continuing reading some book she unearthed up in the library, and we didn't see her again for hours. I accepted Zevran's challenge for a game of backgammon, but by the time we were done I was a bit concerned about Elissa and went in search of her.

She had _three_ books open on the table, and had apparently been taking notes about the history of the Grey Wardens. She was slumped across her papers, one arm curled under her head, making the funniest little snores I've ever heard in my life. Toby was sleeping under the table, but he - unlike his mistress - awoke when I came in. "Easy, boy," I said softly. "Let's get her to bed, shall we?"

He barked at that, apparently in approval, and watched me shake her gently. "Elissa. Wake up, sleeping beauty."

"Hm?" She raised her head and rubbed her eyes. "Ah...Ali...?" My name got cut off in the middle by a yawn; I don't think anyone's ever called me "Ali" before.

Once I'd gotten her to understand that it was late and she ought to be in bed, she let me help her up and I walked her to her room, Toby at our heels. As she opened the door, I held up my candle so she could see her way to the bed, and was pleased to see that the rose I gave her sits on the table next to it. She picked up her own candle and lit it off of mine, then tilted her head up so she could brush a kiss to my cheek. "Thank you, Alistair... I'll see you in the morning."

"R-right." It took every ounce of willpower I possess to make myself leave the room. This journal entry is a bit on the illegible side because Maker's breath, my hands are _still_ a little shaky.


	16. Asturian's Might

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** This is, I suspect, the chapter for which many of you have been waiting. Consider it a holiday gift (any holiday you might personally celebrate, and I wish you a joyful whatever) from a humble author to the readers who make her happy. Especially when they review. Nudge nudge. ;)

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen: Asturian's Might**

_A powerful sword, forged for Warden Commander Asturian by dwarven smiths and presented to him upon the completion of Soldier's Peak._

* * *

The days feel like they're flying here, which is a shame because I would really like them to last. If I can be blunt, this is the happiest I've been since Ostagar. I wouldn't say that we're all becoming the best of friends, exactly, but we have more opportunity to get to know each other here than we did in camp and it's pretty nice. I enjoy spending time with Wynne, and Sten's really quite conversible when I can actually get him to talk, and Zevran's not really that bad at all when he's not staring where he shouldn't, and I'm getting to like Leliana even though I'm still not sure she's entirely sane. Levi Dryden's a good man, as is Mikhael, and the refugees all seem very pleasant and hardworking. Shale's all right, for the most part, and Morrigan... well, nothing's perfect.

And of course there's Elissa, and I don't really think I need to say much about that. She's happy here too, or at least as happy as I've ever seen her. She runs about all day long, making decisions and giving directions and advice and trying to make sure everyone's comfortable. I suspect that keeping so busy is actually just a way for her to distract herself - from grieving for her family, from thinking about what lies ahead of us, from everything that weighs on her shoulders. Rebuilding Soldier's Peak is cheerful work for her, unlike slaughtering darkspawn or hunting down Eamon's cure.

Wynne agrees with me about that, but she doesn't seem to think it's an entirely healthy thing for her to be doing. I asked her about it, and she said that she's worried that if Elissa keeps distracting herself, it's going to be that much harder to face the reality of things when she no longer has a choice about it. I guess that's true.

But it's so nice to see her like this. I hate to think that she's going to have it taken away again.

* * *

Spent the morning helping with more of the refurbishment of the archivist's rooms, and we've just finished the midday meal; I'm sitting in my room at the moment, enjoying a little quiet. We're all pretty busy, although nobody quite like Elissa. Each of us helps with making the keep a home, and we all spend time training and sparring and building up our strength and skills. It's not all work, of course. Sometimes we play games, or have long conversations. I like sitting with Wynne, helping to wind her yarn or just talking to her about things. She's told me a few stories from when my father was king, which are interesting.

Of course I like it best when I can be with Elissa. We aren't alone together much, and I wish that we could be. That might be for the best, in its way. It's getting harder and harder not to just come out and declare myself. I ought to do it sometime soon, really, but she's already got so much on her mind that I'm hesitant to add to it.

Hang on, someone's knocking on my door.

* * *

Speak - well, write - of the Warden and she appears.

"Am I disturbing you? This can wait if it's a bad time."

"No, no, not at all. Bad time? When could it ever be a bad time to see you?" Maker, I try so hard to be smooth and I swear I just sound like a moron.

She smiled, though. "Well, I have a favor to ask, if you're willing."

"Something you need, my dear?"

I _think_ she turned a little pink at that, but the corridor's a bit dim so it was hard to tell. "I know you're not a full Templar," she said, "but I was thinking that it might be useful if I could learn at least some of what you know. Templars are so good on the battlefield, and you know spells that the rest of us don't, and I can't help thinking that it could help if I could share some of that knowledge."

"Ah." Not quite what I'd expected, certainly not what I'd have liked her to need from me, but an interesting proposition. "Well, first, I should explain that I _don't_ know any spells. Templars... it's actually more like an anti-magic. In fact, one of the things I know how to do is to undo all magic in the area surrounding me - I don't do it often because I don't want to interfere with Wynne or Morrigan's spells, but I _can_ do it. The other thing I should point out is that fully-fledged Templars have to swallow lyrium in order to do what they do. I don't do that, as you might have noticed, so I'm not as powerful as they are."

"That stands to reason, I suppose."

"Having said that, if you really want to learn, I'll teach you what I know."

"Wonderful! Thank you so much. I have a few other things to take care of today, but do you think we could work on it tomorrow? After lunch perhaps?"

I wonder if I'd ever be able to say no to those eyes. Anyway, we agreed on a time and she was on her way, and I sat down to think about the whole thing.

It's kind of funny that she asked, really. Women don't become Templars, at least not officially. It's one of those odd rules in the Chantry. Women become lay sisters, Chanters, priests, and eventually Revered Mothers if they devote themselves to Andraste enough. Men may be lay brothers or Chanters, but not priests, and more often they're Templars. It's just the way things are. I don't know why.

But it's not like she's going to become an official Templar from my teaching anyway. I mean, I'm not a Templar myself, so I can't very well make someone else a Templar. All she asked was that I teach her what I know. I can do that. Holy Smite in particular is great for knocking down groups of opponents - that's bound to come in handy when we're up against a whole lot of darkspawn, right? And she's a quick study, from what I've seen, so it's not going to take long.

* * *

So today we started Elissa's Templar training.

Cold as it was, we did the training in the outer bailey's sparring yard so as not to disturb anyone. As I expected, she's picking it up rapidly. I mean, she's only learning the combat aspects, not the other studies, so it won't take as long as it usual does, but still. If women could be Templars, they'd have been lucky to get her. But frankly, I don't even care. Because it's what happened _after_ we finished for the day that I want to remember. I just hope I'm able to describe it well.

We sat down on a bench afterward, taking a rest and admiring the improvements being slowly made to Soldier's Keep. "It's really coming along, don't you think?" she asked. "A lot has been done in a relatively short time. I'm so pleased."

I glanced at her, and smiled. Her expression was serene; the winter sunlight shone on her hair, and for some reason I found myself admiring the smooth curve of her jaw, of all things. "You have a right to be proud," I said. "You've ordered things so well. You think of everything."

"Not everything," she replied, "but I try. At least Mother's lessons haven't been entirely wasted, even if they didn't achieve exactly what she had in mind."

That made me think of what Wynne had said, comparing Elissa to Anora - _equal in birth and beauty_. I will never be able to agree with the second observation, but the first is true enough. "Can I ask you something about that? Something a bit personal?"

"If you like."

"Well, I just was wondering... why weren't you ever betrothed? I mean, most of the young noblewomen I ever met had marriages arranged for them early." Anora had been promised to Cailan practically from the cradle, according to Arl Eamon, so I had to wonder why Elissa hadn't had a similar fate. (Not that I'm complaining. It would have been torture to fall in love with her if she had.)

She turned to look at me, apparently thinking about it. "It's a fair question. I don't entirely know," she admitted. "From something my mother said once, though, she and Father were having a hard time finding a suitable husband for me. Fergus was easily arranged. I think I told you Oriana was from Antiva. Her father was what you'd call an impoverished noble; he still had his name and his bloodline, but his family had long since lost its lands. He was only too happy to think of his daughter becoming teyrna. And Oriana herself was lovely - kind, pious, affectionate. It didn't take long for my brother to grow to love her, or the rest of us either, for that matter. She and I were good friends."

"But they didn't have the same luck with you?"

She shook her head. "Truthfully? Mother thought it might be the swordplay. She always said that she was a decent warrior in her day - she still was, right up until the end - but that it was the 'softer arts' that let her find a good husband. I don't have any objections to the softer arts, but you might have noticed they're not what I do best."

"You do well enough with them from what I've seen."

"Thank you. But she was worried, and maybe rightfully so, that if I didn't pay more attention to them and less to my blade, I wouldn't marry well. Of course," she added, with a devious little smile, "that didn't suit me. I told my father once that I didn't want to marry a man who couldn't win my heart, and the only way to win my heart was to best me with the sword."

I laughed. "What did his lordship say to that?"

"I believe his exact words were, 'I look forward to your spinsterhood, pup.'"

"And is that still the only way to win your heart?"

I saw her glance at me out of the corner of her eye. "Well, I don't know," she said lightly. "I've never had anyone challenge me with that end in view."

My heart was trying to pound its way out of my chest. Except for the Joining, I don't think I've ever done anything so terrifying in my life as what I did next. "Shall I take off my gauntlet and throw it on the ground, or will a verbal challenge suffice?"

Watching her face get all pink was enjoyable. "No, I think the verbal is enough. Now?"

"I'm game if you are."

You know, I barely remember the actual 'duel,' to the extent that you can even call it a duel. I know it was difficult - I wanted to fight hard enough to win, almost as if my life depended on it, but I had to control my strikes enough that I wouldn't hurt the very woman I wanted to win. But what I remember most is the dawning comprehension that she wasn't trying very hard.

Our swords clashed together and fought for dominance between us, mere inches from our faces. Starfang's oddly-colored blade made her eyes look even bluer than usual, until I finally pushed her back. I reached up and pulled off my helmet, tossing it aside; despite the winter chill, it was absolutely boiling under the visor. Elissa hesitated, then removed hers too, and asked, "Should we continue?"

"I think we either have to continue or... or call it a draw."

"That does seem reasonable," she agreed, lowering her sword. "If we call it a draw, I suppose you could say that we both win."

"It's a compromise. You can still say that you haven't been bested in combat." I dared to move closer. "And I?"

"You can say that you have what you were trying to win." She spoke carefully, almost fearfully.

"I can say it. But is it true?"

"Well, remind me. What is it you were trying to win again?"

I had to laugh. "You're a terrible tease, you know." I brought my free hand to her jaw, tilted her face up a bit, and kissed her. She's the only woman I've ever kissed, and it's strange; the more I kiss her, the more I _want_ to kiss her. I wonder if that's normal.

That was a few hours ago, and I'm still sitting here playing it over in my mind. I can call her mine now - I am hers, and she's mine. The Grey Warden, the rose of Highever, the light in Ferelden's darkness, savior of mages and Templars, friend of Qunari and Antivan Crows. Call her what you will, it's all the same. She's everything all in one. The most magnificent woman in the world, probably the most magnificent woman (except for Andraste) who has ever lived.

And she loves _me_. I must be the luckiest man alive.

Though as I write that, it occurs to me that she never said as much. Come to think of it, I still haven't said it to her either. I think I need to go rectify this. Right now. She won't have gone to bed just yet.

* * *

I don't think that what happened is _quite_ what I intended when I left my room, but I'd be an idiot to complain.

I managed to catch Elissa in the hall outside her quarters. She had come from the bath house, by the look of things; her hair was braided, but the braids were hanging loose and still a bit damp, and her skin had that just-scrubbed look to it. The sight of her set my pulse racing again, and I sort of started babbling. I seem to do that a lot with her, though maybe now that we've gotten this out of the way I'll be better. She didn't seem entirely flattered, at first, when I told her that whenever I'm around her I feel like my head's about to explode. Probably not the best choice of words, really.

"Here's the thing," I said. "Being near you makes me _crazy_. But I can't imagine being without you. Not ever." She softened at that. And then - no, really, I didn't plan this, it just sort of came out. I asked to spend the night with her, in her room. To throw caution to the wind and just be with her. How did I put it? Oh, right. "I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place - but when will it be perfect? If things were perfect, we wouldn't even have met. We sort of stumbled into each other, and despite this being the least perfect time, I still found myself falling for you in between all the fighting and everything."

Truth is, I just didn't want to wait anymore, because if something happens - if one of us dies in this war, or both of us do, or something else goes wrong - I wanted to have had at least one perfect night with this woman I completely adore. Maybe it wasn't the right time, or maybe it was, or maybe there's no such thing as the right time.

I was fully expecting her to say no, or maybe to even slap me or something. Instead, she stared, and then she nodded, and I think she actually said the word yes but my heart was pounding in my ears and I couldn't exactly hear clearly. And then I was kissing her, and she was fumbling with the latch behind her, and the next thing I knew we were in her room and she locked the door.

I'm not going to describe what happened next. I'll never be able to do it justice. But it was _glorious_.

Later, we were wrapped in her sleeping furs, Elissa curled against my side, and her braids trailed over my chest while I traced patterns on her shoulder. "You know, according to all the sisters at the monastery, I should have been struck by lightning by now."

"Mm. Not for that performance," she teased. Her voice was sweetly seductive, and I felt stupidly proud at her words.

"You do realize the rest of our little party is going to talk, right? They do that." I was pretty sure that we'd been fairly quiet, but I just had a feeling that at least a few of them would figure out what happened.

"Hmph. Let them talk," she said. "First one who makes a comment is getting tossed to the darkspawn."

I had to laugh. "See, this is why I love you. Did I mention that, by the way? That I love you? Because I do. It won't kill you to hear it again, will it? I love you."

"I love you too."

Maker, You have blessed me above every other man in Thedas.

We fell silent for a bit. I was playing with her hair, brushing her cheeks with the end of one of her braids, and I think she was almost asleep. "I've been thinking."

"About what?" She opened her eyes and looked at me.

"What we'll do after this is all over. You know. Once we stop the Blight."

"Oh, right. What do you want to do?"

"That's what I've been thinking about. If it all goes well, I want us to come back here, you and me. Back to Soldier's Peak. Finish overseeing its restoration, and contact the motherhouse at Weisshaupt for information about how to do the Joining and whatever else we need to know."

"I like this plan."

"And then we'll rebuild our ranks," I added softly. "You and I - we'll be mother and father, essentially, to a whole new generation of Fereldan Grey Wardens."

"Together?" She sounded drowsy. "Always?"

"Always."

"Yes. Let's do this."

We fell asleep not long after that, and it was very hard for me to leave her bed in the morning to come back to my own. I wish things could be different for us in so many ways. I wish I could give her a more normal life - a home, safety, peace.

But she loves me. She accepts my love and she returns it. That's more than I ever dared to hope for, and I'm grateful.


	17. Commoner Clothing

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** Happy New Year! I know it's been a while; I have several other projects happening right now, plus my actual job. I'm taking things in a slightly unplanned direction starting in this chapter, because we're already seventeen chapters in and we've only delivered one treaty, and my plan is to have this go all the way through _Awakening_ so I need to start taking more shortcuts. ;) I hope no one minds this one.

The existence of the Wintersend holiday comes from the _Warden's Keep_ DLC. It gets a brief mention in a letter that was sent to Warden-Commander Dryden.

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen: Commoner Clothing**

_The practical Fereldans are partial to plain garments such as these. They are constructed of sturdy fabric and are trimmed with only the simplest of embellishments._

* * *

It has been several days since last I wrote. There are a few reasons for this. One is that a short time after my last post, the heaviest snow of the season fell on Soldier's Keep, and I've been helping with things here. We needed to clear paths from the main entrance to the exterior residences, so that the Drydens and the others living out there could get inside as needed, and also out to the stable so they could continue to take care of the animals. Food's at something of a premium right now too, unfortunately. I'm sure Bann Teagan was as generous with us as he could afford to be, but there's been no meat at all for days. In fact, if we didn't have milk from the cow and eggs from the chickens, we'd be a lot worse off than we are. At least the fortress has a nice supply of flour, since one of the refugees was a miller, so there's been plenty of bread.

Naturally, none of this is particularly interesting and worth recording, so I haven't seen much reason to note it down. It's been a struggle to keep the fires going too, since we don't dare send anyone out to add to our current supply of firewood. Our company is conserving as best we can; until things warm up, we're all spending almost all of our time here in the great hall, including for sleeping, so that we only need to have the fire lit in here and in the kitchen.

This is not, as you might expect, giving anyone any real sort of privacy. I've barely had any time alone with Elissa since we declared ourselves. That's the other reason I haven't written - I don't feel comfortable pulling this little manuscript out in front of most of our party. Elissa, of course, I wouldn't mind; I don't think Wynne would presume to ask questions either. But the others, I think I would feel a bit uneasy at best, and at worst (if it was Morrigan) like I'd just signed my own death warrant.

We have to find ways to keep ourselves amused, which is becoming more difficult by the day. There are only so many books in the library; some of us play backgammon, or chess, or cards. Wynne's just about done knitting that cape for Sten. Leliana is apparently writing about our adventures, according to what I overheard her saying to Toby about describing him as a lover of fine foods. Morrigan spends most of her time brooding in a corner and talking as little as possible; if she didn't occasionally have conversations with Elissa, I don't think she'd speak at all.

* * *

Snow. Yay. I used to like the stuff, too.

* * *

Finally, we've had enough of a break in the storms that we can venture out. Bodahn Feddic and his son have gone out into the world to refresh their supplies, something Levi seems equally itchy to do. Some of the refugees have made forays into the woodland again; one brought back a wild turkey, so we've got meat again for a time. They've also gathered more firewood, which means we can start sleeping in our own rooms again. Among other things.

She sleeps very deeply, my Elissa. I'm not really surprised. She's constantly on the go. Training, studying, meeting with Levi Dryden or one of the refugees, planning... once I even found her in the kitchens helping with the stew. She's certainly never bored; she never has the time. So when she goes to sleep, she goes to _sleep_.

Our secret, meanwhile, has been blown wide open. To be fair, I'm not sure how much of it was a secret in the first place; I know most of our companions have had their suspicions to some extent. But our _fraternization_, to use Morrigan's word, is known to everyone now. It's my own fault, to be honest. I left Elissa's room this morning, thinking it was plenty early for me to go use the bath and then get back to my own quarters undetected.

Unfortunately, as it turned out, I had slept longer than I thought. When I opened the door, there was Leliana about to knock. She took a step backward in surprise. "Oh! I - _oh_. Sorry! I came to find out why Elissa wasn't at breakfast - we've already started eating."

Before I could think of anything to say, Zevran came into view. "I can't find Alistair - he didn't answer his door, and I'm not sure - oho." He came to a halt, taking in the scene, and this crazy smirk curled onto his lips. "Well. That, I think, answers every question. Leliana, we should return to the great hall and let the others know that... how shall we put it? Our Grey Wardens have already breakfasted?"

"Zevran!" she scolded, but she was clearly trying not to giggle. I glanced over my shoulder to see Elissa covering her eyes with one hand. Our morning visitors said nothing else, only walked away rather quickly. I'm not sure how much they actually told the others, but nobody was quite ready to look me in the eye when I arrived a short time later.

* * *

It's been another several days since my last update, but it does seem as though the worst of the winter is behind us. The Feddics returned, and Levi made a quick trip out to do his own merchant stuff; I wonder how he'll manage that when we're not in residence. I mean, Morrigan's going to be leaving with us, so I don't see how the barrier is going to remain in place without creating problems for those who remain behind. Maybe Elissa will work something out with Avernus, though, I hadn't considered that.

Speaking of my lady, she's up to something. I'm not quite sure why, but I'm almost positive I've seen her sneaking about with something under her cloak more than once. I asked her about it, and she told me not to worry about it. Her eyes were twinkling when she said it; I don't think I've ever seen her look mischievous before.

Mm, and I believe that's her at my door, so I'll leave this here.

* * *

The weather continues to improve, which is both good and not good. It's good, because it lets us resume what we need to do while we're here - training and all that - but it's not good because, and we all know it, it means that the time to leave is approaching. I don't want to leave; I don't think anyone else does either.

On the bright side, once this infernal Blight is defeated, Elissa and I get to come back. I'm really looking forward to that future we've got planned.

* * *

It's decided, then. We talked it all over at dinner tonight. Once we'd finished the majority of our eating, Elissa called everyone to order. Shale wasn't eating, of course, just sort of looming in the background, but it moved closer to the table so it could be part of the discussion.

"I want to thank you all," she began, "for your help in making Soldier's Peak what it is. It's so much closer to its former glory than it's been in a long time, and you each have had a hand in that. To be perfectly honest, this is the most at home I've felt since I left Highever." She glanced at me and gave me a tiny smile, and I remembered our conversation about home.

"But sadly, the Blight is still out there," she continued, "and with spring approaching, we need to get back to fighting it."

Sten gave her an approving sort of look. Wynne only nodded. "How shall we begin?"

"Unless we get another storm before then, I'd like to leave the mountain in ten days," she replied. "Our first objective will be to return to Denerim; I want to question Brother Genitivi's assistant as to why he sent us to that ambush at Lake Calenhad. From there, we'll do one of two things, depending on the answers he gives us."

"Meaning what exactly?" asked Morrigan.

"Well, if we can get proper information out of him, it might be in our best interest to head for Haven - assuming that Brother Genitivi did manage to locate it," she said. "I don't understand how the ashes can be hidden in a village that virtually no one has ever heard of and doesn't get put on maps, but on the other hand, it might be the safest possible place." She shrugged. "If things in Denerim don't go well, then my other plan is to head south to the Brecilian forest, to enlist the aid of the Dalish against the Archdemon."

"Here is a thought," said Sten. "You obviously insist that both of these objectives be completed before we confront the enemy. And I understand that it is necessary for a Grey Warden to oversee the delivery of the treaties. But we have two Grey Wardens in our party, so why do we not divide our energies? One of you could lead the expedition to Denerim and Haven, while the other leads the effort to rally the elves."

"You know, this is not a bad idea," said Zevran. "Divide and conquer is an ancient and widely respected war technique, after all. The Crows have made use of it many times. And would it not be an excellent way to throw your enemies off your scent?"

"I don't know," said Leliana. "It seems like a good plan on the surface. We could split up easily enough, two groups of four, and meet back in Redcliffe once we finish. But who would go where?"

Elissa looked at me again, and I think I understand what she was thinking. Setting aside the fact that I don't think either of us is eager to lose sight of the other, it _is_ a sensible idea. Well, except for the part where I would have to lead one of the parties, and I'm not as good a leader as Elissa is on my best day. "The idea does have merit, Sten, and I thank you for it," she said. "I think Alistair and I should discuss the matter before we make a decision. But it's definitely worth considering."

* * *

Elissa and I had a long conversation about Sten's proposal this morning. It was funny in its way; the weather was decent, so we put on regular clothes (no armor) and our heavy cloaks and went outside, walking around the inner and outer baileys arm in arm. Almost like a normal couple. Of course, the conversation was a perfect example of how not normal we really are.

"I can't help thinking that it might be a good idea," she admitted. "The winter did cost us quite a bit of time, really, and even though I know the darkspawn can't have done much because of the weather, I still feel like we're behindhand somehow."

"I understand what you mean," I told her. "But it's just... well, to be honest, I'm worried that I won't be able to do as well in leading the second group as you would. You're the diplomat, you know."

"Oh, you're not that bad."

"Yes, I am, and you know I am. How many times have I put my feet into my mouth just in the time you've known me?" She looked pensive, like she was adding the examples in her head, so I added, "That was a rhetorical question, you know."

"I know." She smiled, briefly. "But I think you're a better leader than you think you are. Here's what I'm suggesting - we all go together to Denerim, and confront Weylon. From there, we split into groups of four. I'll lead the expedition into the forest, to meet with the elves, and you lead the group that goes to Haven."

"If you're sure it's wise." I sighed. "Who should go with whom?"

"Well, let's look at the strengths of our companions," she said. "We have two mages, two rogues - so to speak - and two very powerful warriors. We'll each take one of each."

"Please don't tell me I have to take Morrigan. I'm begging you."

"Of course not." Elissa chuckled. "I'll keep Morrigan with me and send Wynne with you. Actually, I'm thinking that it might be best to split along gender lines; the Dalish might find a party of women to be somewhat less threatening, given their general dislike of humans. Not that it's undeserved, from what I'm given to understand," she added, grimly. "We had a few elves among our kitchen staff in Highever, and it forever frustrated me to see how some of the other staff would treat them."

I thought about that. "So you'll take Morrigan, Leliana, and... what, Shale?"

"Funny, I know. But something about Shale's voice always makes me think of it as being female. I'm not sure why that is. Toby will come with me, too, of course. And you'll take Sten, Zevran, and Wynne. I'll be counting on Wynne to keep all of you in line," she joked.

"If anyone can, I imagine it's Wynne."

"Then we're agreed." She stopped our walk and turned to look at me, her face suddenly serious. "Just promise me, Alistair... promise me you'll be careful. I don't think I could bear it if I lost you now."

"Shh." I put my arms around her and pulled her to my chest; her head fits perfectly under my chin. "I'll promise that if you promise the same, for the same reason."

"That seems entirely fair."

* * *

That woman. Well, I was right when I wrote some days ago that I thought she was up to something.

We leave tomorrow, and at dinner tonight, Elissa told the other what we've decided about splitting up for the next phase of our adventures. Everyone seems mostly okay with the idea, with the possible exception of Leliana, who still strikes me as being a little uneasy.

And then she pulled out the presents.

That conniving little beauty was sneaking around getting gifts for everyone.

"Wintersend is still a few weeks off," she said, "and I doubt we'll be able to participate in the festivities when the time comes. But I wanted to get you each a token of my appreciation. You're..." She wavered, and swallowed. "You're my family, now, for all intents and purposes, and I wanted you each to have something. Bodahn Feddic helped me. They aren't large gifts, but I hope you like them."

She did really well, I think, judging by the reactions. For Wynne, who loves to read, she had found some slightly tawdry novel called _The Rose of Orlais_. Morrigan, the magpie, received a gold rope-style necklace, and Bodahn had somehow dug up a bottle of Antivan brandy for our favorite would-be assassin. Sten is an art lover, so she gave him a small painting in a silver frame. Leliana, who adores pretty things, outright squealed at the blue satin shoes she received; apparently they were similar to a pair she had wanted back in Orlais, and Elissa had remembered her mentioning this. Even Shale got a gift, a piece of polished malachite. "I'm to keep this, am I?" it asked, but it seemed pleased all the same. And Toby lost no time settling down to gnaw on the big bone his mistress had bought him.

As for me, she knows I like weird little carvings and figures of creatures, so I wasn't too surprised by my gift. It was a runestone, white inlaid with gold, small enough for me to carry in my pouch. "I'm not sure what practical use it might have," she told me later when we were alone. "But you in particular I wanted to have something you could hold and think of me, like I have your rose."

"That rose is enchanted, did I ever tell you that? Wynne put a spell of some kind on it so it won't ever wilt."

"I suspected something like that, considering that it still looks the same as it ever did."

"I don't like being away from you."

"You haven't been away from me since we met, how do you know?" she teased.

"Call it a hunch."

* * *

Today we bade farewell to the Drydens and the others who have come to stay at Soldier's Peak. I was right; Elissa did work out some sort of arrangement with Avernus to protect the fortress in our absence. "Nothing painful," she assured us. "If anyone comes near the mountain who doesn't belong here, the woods will rearrange the paths to make them find their way out again. But anyone from our party, or a genuine ally such as Bann Teagan, would have no difficulty at all making their way here. I admit I don't understand how the magic can tell one from the other, but I'm no mage."

"It sounds much like the enchantments my mother used to disorient travelers in the Wilds," Morrigan commented. "Your beloved keep should be well protected until you return to it."

Mikhael has officially been made Levi's second, meaning that when our merchant friend goes traveling, someone will still be on hand to oversee the continued improvements. Bodahn and Sandal will continue to follow us as often as not, but Elissa promised to occasionally send supplies back to the keep on their wagon. I'm not entirely sure Bodahn is thrilled with this arrangement; on the other hand, he knows he gets the majority of his business from us, so I don't think he's eager to lose his best customers.

* * *

I truthfully expected it to take longer to get to Denerim than it did. But here we are.

We entered Brother Genitivi's house, opposite the Gnawed Noble Tavern, and as soon as we saw Weylon, Elissa came directly to the point. "You sent us into an ambush."

He tried to deny it for a few minutes, but something in her face really got to him. "If you're here, then my companions have failed. I can read their deaths in your eyes," he said. "Andraste forgive me! I do this in Your name!" And the idiot attacked us. Okay, so it turned out he was a mage with some decently powerful lightning spells, but we outnumbered him eight to one. You'd think he would have known better. Then again, maybe he wanted us to kill him; if he was, as he said, doing everything for Andraste, he might have thought he'd be rewarded.

In any case, I really shouldn't call him Weylon, since we pretty quickly determined that he wasn't. Once he was dead, Elissa opened the door to the second room, in order to search for Genitivi's research, and she found it - on the floor, next to the dead body of the real Weylon. Poor man. By the look of things, he'd been dead for some weeks. "They probably killed him right after Brother Genitivi left," said Wynne. "What I wonder now is whether he left on his own or if he was taken."

"Well, he definitely never made it to the inn at Lake Calenhad," said Elissa. "The innkeeper would have told me if he had. He might have started the journey under his own power, but he definitely didn't finish it that way. I just hope he's all right, wherever he is."

We couldn't leave Weylon there, of course, but there was no good way to bring him out the front door without attracting a lot of unwelcome attention. Luckily, Genitivi's house has a back door; we shrouded him in a sheet of linen we found in a cupboard, and smuggled him out that way. It wasn't easy to get him out of the market district to Bodahn Feddic's wagon, but having two mages in the party definitely helped. We found a suitable place, and Leliana performed the rites of the dead while I dug a hole, and we marked the spot with stones. If we ever find Genitivi, we can at least tell him where his assistant is at rest.


	18. Cultist Medallion

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** I'm sorry I've been gone for so long! You might have noticed I started another fic in the meantime (not my fault, all Andrea's fault as usual), and to be fair Alistair's been pretty quiet. But he started getting chatty with me earlier this week, so it's time we found the Urn of Andraste.

I've been told, via assorted sources, that the DA writers aren't that big on happy endings. You've probably figured out by now that this story isn't going to be flawlessly canon - this chapter is a good example of that - so maybe it's not too surprising when I tell you that they and I have different ideas. This story _will_ have a happy ending. I hope that's okay with all of you.

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen: Cultist Medallion**

_A very large bronze disk, bearing the symbol of Andraste._

* * *

We've branched off and gone our separate ways, now. Elissa and her group have begun their march south, to the Brecilian Forest, to seek the elves, while the rest of us head west in search of Haven. It's the first time since the day we met that Elissa and I have been separated, and I guess it's not hard to guess that I'm not enjoying it.

I watched the four of them (and Toby) until they were gone from my sight, and Wynne nudged me. "It's time to go," she said gently. "You're in charge now."

"And now you'll find out just why Elissa normally leads us," I retorted.

"It'll be fine, Alistair." Zevran and Sten were walking ahead of us, and as she fell in step beside me, I noticed that Wynne's expression was a little... guilty.

"Is something wrong?"

"Remind me that I owe Elissa an apology."

"An apology? You? Whatever for?"

"I said to her... well. The truth is, Alistair, I told her a few weeks ago that I wasn't sure it was a good idea for the two of you to become involved." She held up a hand before I could protest. "I was concerned that it would create problems. That you would become sidetracked from your duties, too invested in each other."

"I see. But you want to apologize?"

"I was wrong," she said simply. "I can see that now. She's very good for you - and you are very good for her. She carries so much on her shoulders, and you give her the strength to bear those burdens. And she gives you a kind of peace that I think you have been seeking for a long time. So I apologize to you, and I will apologize to her too."

I thought about that. "You're right," I said finally. "She does give me peace. There's a powerful reassurance that comes from knowing that somebody loves me for who I am, not what I am."

"I can imagine that must be true."

* * *

My turn at night watch. I don't think I ever realized just how _far away_ the Frostbacks really are. This feels like we've been walking forever. I know it's not a greater distance than we've already traveled to get to other places, but I guess it feels like it is because it's so uphill.

"Do we even have any idea what we're going to find in this Haven?" Zevran asked tonight, over supper.

"Honestly? No. This place is strange - I've never heard of it, and I was forced to study the whole of Fereldan history and geography while growing up," I admitted. "If it weren't for Brother Genitivi, who knows how long it would have stayed a mystery."

"And who is this Brother Genitivi, exactly?" asked Sten.

"He's a lay brother of the Chantry, and an accomplished scholar," Wynne put in. "He's widely respected throughout Thedas for his work - he has spent his whole life studying the various cultures of the continent, the history, religious beliefs, everything. It's said that he is the only living man to have visited every corner of the country. I'm told he's even been permitted to spend time in Orzammar to study the culture of the Dwarves. He came to the Circle Tower some years ago; I met him, briefly. A very genteel, respectful person, as I recall; he has a soft voice and kind eyes."

"I just hope he's okay," I said. "Elissa was concerned he might be in danger. Considering what happened to us at the Spoiled Princess, she's probably right."

* * *

As usual, she was. It's only now that everything's over that I have the chance to update this journal on what happened. Shortest form, we've been to Haven and we miraculously survived. I'd truthfully be willing to believe that Andraste Herself got us through it.

We didn't realize we were approaching Haven until we were actually there, when a guard confronted us on the road. The fact that there _was_ a guard was enough to make me pause. He regarded us suspiciously, and I immediately sensed that we shouldn't mention Genitivi or anything about why we were really there. We acted like we were just travelers passing through.

"You may trade for supplies at the shop," he said, pointing at a building. "Then I suggest you be on your way. Outsiders are not welcome in Haven. They bring change."

"Where is everyone?" asked Wynne, looking around. "The village is so quiet."

"Most of the residents are in the Chantry with Father Eirik."

"Father?" I repeated. "You have a male priest?"

"It has always been thus in Haven. We do not question tradition."

We all sort of looked at each other and shrugged. What do you say to something like that? So we trudged up into the village, which was just... _creepy_ for how empty it was. Not completely empty, though. There was a little boy singing a weird song about 'Bonny Lynn,' who didn't seem to appreciate being questioned. He was playing with what looked horribly like a human finger, and knowing what I know now, it could well have been. He tipped us off to something, though; he said that he was too old for his mother to tell him what to do, and that soon he'd be old enough to go 'up the mountain.' When we asked him what that meant, he stopped talking.

We did trade for supplies in the shop, and the shopkeeper seemed relatively normal, but he was definitely giving off an aura of 'don't ask questions.' "I don't like this," I said when we were outside. "I think we need to go up to that Chantry and demand some answers."

"Do you hear it?" Zevran asked, as we mounted the second incline. "Singing from the Chantry. The whole town, by the sounds of it."

We entered, walking slowly toward the crowd of people clustered around a fur-clad man preaching. He broke off suddenly as he caught sight of us, and promptly ended the worship service in spite of his reproach to our manners. A woman tried to protest, but he waved her away, and the Chantry was shortly emptied of all but ourselves, this man, and a few guards.

"Father Eirik?" I guessed. "We're looking for a Brother Genitivi."

I don't remember exactly what he said. The rantings of a madman. I do remember him saying something about being a father 'wanting to protect his children,' or some such nonsense, and then he and his guards attacked us. Thank goodness for Wynne's healing magic, that's all I can say. Once they all lay dead, I looked in a chamber just off the main worship hall, but there was nothing of interest inside.

"Alistair!"

I came back out and saw Zevran contemplating a wall on the other side of the room. "There's something not right about this," he said as I joined him. "I think it's a false wall."

"Sten, give me a hand." Between ourselves, we managed to push the false wall out of the way, and sure enough, there was a man lying in the room on the other side. His monk's robe suggested that we'd found our target, and even better news, he was breathing. Wynne attended to his injuries as best she could, but she warned that he needed a proper doctor.

Brother Genitivi was a little surprised by our rescue, but very grateful. I wished Elissa was there; she would have known all the right things to say to reassure him and make him feel better about everything he'd been through. He took the news of Weylon's death sadly but in stride, and seemed very upset by the news of Arl Eamon's sickness. "I'm so close," he said. "The temple is just up the mountain. Father Eirik wears a medallion that unlocks the door - I've seen it. If you can get it, we can get in and find the Ashes."

We retrieved the medallion from the man's fallen body. We had to be careful, and stealthy, but Brother Genitivi directed us up the mountainside. I had to half carry him because he was so weak. "They've become a cult," he told me quietly. "The people of Haven - I think once upon a time they were good people, devoted to the protection of the Ashes. But somewhere along the way, they've been corrupted, and now they..." He shuddered. "Blood sacrifices," he managed. "I know that happened to one of the Redcliffe knights who came to save me."

Once we reached the massive door, it took a little puzzling on Genitivi's part to work out how to use the medallion to unlock it. It opened to reveal an absolutely gorgeous temple - well, it must have been at one time, but it's started to fall apart. There were holes in the ceiling where snow was drifting through. "By the shifting skies of the Fade," Wynne murmured. "This is magnificent."

Brother Genitivi begged us to leave him there in the entrance hall. There were a lot of inscribed columns that he wanted to study. "These could tell us things we don't know about Andraste's life! Besides, in my condition I'll only slow you down." He had a point, so we left him there, happily scribbling notes and muttering to himself.

It was a long fight. Rather, it was fight after fight after fight. I felt like an absolute heretic, spilling so much blood in a place that was consecrated to Andraste Herself, but they didn't exactly give us a choice. They rushed at us with madness in their eyes. Once we had cleared out the main temple, we walked around it for a little. There were so many books, some of them very old and filled with who knows what sort of wisdom... all I could think was how much Elissa would covet them for the library in Soldier's Peak. We didn't have much room in our packs, though, so taking any of them would have been difficult. Maybe sometime we can go back, or... or something. I don't know.

We passed through a series of rooms with statues depicting individuals from Andraste's story. "Is this a male or a female?" asked Sten, looking up at one. "I can hardly tell."

"That's Maferath, Andraste's mortal husband - and Her betrayer," Wynne explained. "And this is Archon Hessarian, who converted the Tevinter Imperium to the worship of the Maker."

Sten looked unimpressed. "Even in stone, Tevinter arrogance shows."

We entered a series of underground tunnels, mowing down even more crazy cultists. Also dragons. No, I'm not kidding - they had some kind of hatching ground in one of the larger chambers, and we had to kill all the drakes and dragonlings they'd managed to breed. That was bad, but not as bad as what was yet to come.

In the largest cavern, we were confronted by the cult leader. Father Kolgrim, he called himself. He was even crazier than Father Eirik had been, and that's saying something. He was so mad that I have a hard time remembering his words, but I do remember the part where he said that "Perhaps, through Andraste's mercy, Her greatest enemy will become Her greatest champion!"

I had to ask what he meant. He started babbling about how the Ashes were inside the chamber that lay ahead on the mountain path, and that Andraste had been reborn in the body of a dragon. But until the Ashes were destroyed by the addition of a vial of dragon blood, She couldn't return in her full glory. He wanted me to take this blood into the chamber and desecrate the Ashes. "Blood carries power, strength, knowledge. Through it, all the power that is held in the Ashes will be returned to our Lady." He added that there was a guardian inside the shrine who prevented the cult members from doing this themselves, but that this guardian wouldn't recognize us and so we could probably do it. If we did, we'd earn forgiveness for all the deaths we'd had to cause.

For a moment or two, I did consider it. Not actually defiling the Ashes, of course! But I considered playing along to make him think I'd do it, so that we wouldn't have to fight. And then I thought of Elissa, and what she would do. How strong her convictions always are, how great her faith is. And I told him no. Needless to say, that didn't go over well.

"You know nothing! Andraste revealed herself to us! We are her chosen! To arms, my brethren! Andraste shall grant us victory!"

So we had to kill all them, too, and it wasn't easy. He had some pretty strong mages backing him up, and Kolgrim himself was no slouch in battle. We took a good lengthy rest once they were all dead. "At the rate we are going," said Zevran, between gulps of healing potion, "we will have to kill the entire village in order to get back to Redcliffe alive."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Wynne said.

After we felt strong enough, we made our way out onto the mountainside through a gaping hole in one wall. We'd barely started to walk across the bridge leading to the second chamber when a screech sent us all diving for cover. A _high dragon_ soared overhead and landed on a nearby peak. "Now _that_ is ataashi!" said Sten, in the most awed voice I've ever heard him use. I guess that word means 'impressive,' or something like it. Strangely, the dragon didn't seem remotely interested in us, and as far as I could tell it curled up and went to sleep.

"That must be the dragon they think is Andraste. Where did they ever get such an idea?" Wynne wondered.

We decided that running was the best course of action, in case the dragon decided to try for a little pre-nap snack, but it still paid us no mind. Once we were inside the chamber opposite, we found ourselves confronted by a knight. He introduced himself as the Guardian of the Ashes, the man - Havard was his name, if my memory serves me correctly - who after Andraste's death had gathered the Ashes and brought them into the Frostbacks so the Tevinters could not scatter them. I told him that the Imperium is not nearly as powerful as they used to be.

"Ah... is it not? Then perhaps this is the beginning of the end..."

"What can you tell us of this cult?"

The Guardian then talked about how he, and other followers of the living Andraste, had built the temple and the shrine in order to protect Her forever. They founded the village of Haven, so that descendants of the original followers could continue the upkeep of the buildings, but a few generations back, Kolgrim's great-grandfather or someone like that had gotten some delusions of grandeur. "Our Andraste has gone to the Maker's side; She will not return. The dragon is a fearsome creature, and they must have seen her as an alternative to the absent Maker and His silent Andraste. A true believer would not require such audacious displays of power."

After he explained all this, he looked at each of us. "There is suffering in your past; your suffering and the suffering of others. Alistair, Grey Warden," he said. "You regret the death of Duncan, and your brother Wardens. You feel that you should have died in Duncan's place."

What could I say? He was right. If I'd died instead of Duncan, he would be the one leading the quest, and everything would be better. At least, most things would be better.

"And you, Sten of the Beresaad... you murdered a family. Do you feel that you have failed the Qunari by allowing them to be seen in such a light?"

"I have never denied that I failed," he replied.

The Guardian started to ask Zevran about a particular assassination that he suspected Zevran regrets, but Zevran interrupted him. "Yes, I regret it, and no, I do not wish to discuss it." His tone was almost hostile, but not quite.

"Ask your question of me, Guardian. I have my answer ready," said Wynne.

He asked her about her faith. "You are the wisest of the group, and often provide advice to the younger," he said. "Do you really believe what you say? Or are you parroting what you learned in the Circle?"

"Of course I have doubts sometimes. Only a fool would be sure of themselves at all times. But yes, I do believe."

This accomplished, the Guardian said that we had a handful of trials to get through before we could be deemed worthy of the Ashes. He wouldn't elaborate on what those trials _were_, but we found out soon enough. He called it the Gauntlet. "The way is open. Good luck, and may you find what you seek."

* * *

Oi, hand cramp. Had to take a break.

Anyway, once we were ready to proceed, we entered the first room of the shrine. There were what looked like ghosts lining the sides of the room, eight in all, and they identified themselves as individuals from Andraste's life. Each asked a question that we had to answer about different virtues or thoughts. Andraste's mother spoke of dreams; her best friend spoke of singing; Archon Hessarian talked of mercy while his wife claimed vengeance; Maferath was jealousy, Havard was the mountains, the Dalish elf Shartan was home, and the disciple Cathaire was hunger. It was weird. Every time we correctly answered their riddles, the ghosts or whatever they were would turn into wisps of smoke and go hurtling at the locked door that was the only way forward. When the last one did this, the door opened itself.

It was the next room that made my heart stop. Because hovering in the air, looking down on me with the most kindly expression, was Duncan.

"Alistair," he greeted me.

"Duncan?!"

"Why do you blame yourself, Alistair? There was nothing you could have done. You were doing exactly what the king and I commissioned you to do on the morning of battle. You lit the signal fire."

"Not that it did any good..."

"It did. It was the last thing I saw before death claimed me. And I knew in my heart that you had succeeded, and that you and Elissa could survive. That hope was not lost, even though Loghain had betrayed us. You gave me hope. I could not ask for more than that."

"I would have protected you if I could," I told him.

"I know. But now... you have a different task. You and Elissa must stop the Blight. It's up to you. Here, take this." The ghost pressed an amulet into my hand. "Think of us, your brother Wardens, when you look into its reflection. Remember us, but free yourself from this burden of guilt. I am - I have always been - proud of you."

He faded from sight, and I fell to one knee. I could hardly breathe from the exertions of trying not to cry. Wynne came and put a hand on my bent head.

"I'm all right. I'm sorry."

"So that was the late Commander of the Grey. An excellent leader, from what I am told," said Zevran. "I know Elissa speaks highly of him."

"And with good reason." I forced myself to my feet. "Come on, let's see what's next."

Well, what was next was... _us_. The third room contained spirit doppelgangers of the four of us, and as far as I could tell they had all the same spells and skills and whatever else we ourselves do. It was a hard fight, but at least it was just that - a fight. The puzzle beyond it, on the other hand, was confusing. As I said at the time, Andraste apparently favors the clever. We had to cross a seemingly bottomless chasm. There was a sort of bridge there, but it was as ghostlike as Duncan had been, and we had to move around and stand on specific trigger stones in the right order to make the parts of the bridge turn solid. "I'm sure there is a moral in here somewhere," said Zevran, "something about building bridges with friendship, and such. Something poetic."

The very last room, where we could see the statue of Andraste on the far side, was the most awkward. There was a lot of fire, and a pillar declaring that one had to purify themselves in the flame in order to be worthy of the Ashes. So I had to have the others help me remove all my armor down to the smallclothes, and then I walked through the flames. They didn't hurt; I guess it was a mirage. Once I had crossed, the fire disappeared and the others could join me and help me dress again.

The Guardian entered the room, and seemed quite pleased. "You have been through the trials of the Gauntlet. You have walked the path of Andraste, and like Her, you have been cleansed. You have proven yourself worthy, pilgrim."

With his blessing, then, we approached the statue - and the Urn at its feet. "I didn't think anyone could succeed in finding Andraste's final resting place," I admitted, "but here... here it is."

"Mother of Mercy! It is real!" said Zevran.

"I could not have asked for a greater honor than to be here. I will never forget this feeling," said Wynne, reverently. Sten was quiet, respectful despite his disbelief.

I almost felt wrong taking a pinch of the Ashes, but the Guardian had said it was all right, so I put some into a little pouch to keep safe. We bade farewell to the Guardian, and then we realized we had a fresh problem. How could we get ourselves, and Brother Genitivi, out of Haven before anyone realized the amount of sheer carnage we had unleashed?

We headed back to the temple, and showed the Ashes to Genitivi, who I could swear almost cried. He was about finished taking his notes, and I explained our predicament. "There is a dock," he said thoughtfully, "leading out onto Lake Calenhad. It is nearly sundown now. I think if we slip down there under cover of night, we can steal a boat and escape that way. I don't normally encourage theft," he added with a grim smile, "but under the circumstances, I think the Maker would overlook it."

It wasn't easy, but that's what we decided to do. We could hear shrieking as we passed the Chantry - they must have discovered the bodies - and I knew they'd be watching the roads. The guard, and the people who had been in the Chantry when we first arrived, would be looking for us. "Into the trees," said Wynne. "I can cloak us for a little while, but not long. We'll have to be fast."

There was a boat lying upside down at one side of the dock, and I hefted it into the water while Zevran hunted for the oars. I had Sten lift Genitivi into the boat, Wynne following. "Someone's coming," she hissed. "Hurry!"

Voices and torches were on the move in the distance. Though I had confidence in Wynne's cloak, she couldn't muffle our sounds, and we pushed off hurriedly. "Let's hope this thing is seaworthy," I muttered. "Come on - row. Redcliffe borders the lake at the southern shore; if we just keep heading in that direction, we should reach it around daybreak."

"Let's hope," said Genitivi. "It's a big lake."


	19. Redcliffe Elite Shield

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** Time to blow Alistair's secret wide open. Sorry, Ali.

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen: Redcliffe Elite Shield**

_Made for the men of Arl Eamon's personal guard, this is finely made, with the mark of a Redcliffe craft hall imprinted on the inside._

* * *

Judging by the way my ink smudged on those last few sentences, and the chuckling that woke me when one of the Redcliffe maids entered my room a little while ago, I fell asleep while writing in this journal. Having now washed the ink off my face and rewritten the words so I can actually read them again, I'll continue.

Whether the Havenites (or whatever they call themselves) figured out that we escaped via the dock, I'm not sure. I do know that the night seemed very long. Once the cloaking spell no longer seemed necessary, we lit a lamp and Zevran sat at the front of the boat to hold it so the light shone out over the water. Nobody said much; what was there to say? I know eventually Wynne parceled out some of our rations, and suggested that Brother Genitivi get some sleep if he could, but all I could think was how badly I wanted to get to Redcliffe. I just kept rowing, and rowing, and rowing, even when it felt like my arms might fall off.

Sten watched the sky. Apparently the Qunari know how to figure out their direction based on the position of the stars, and he was able to tell us if we were veering off course at all. Good thing, too. Lake Calenhad is, like Genitivi pointed out, really big. You really can't see all the way from one side to the other even by daylight, and it wouldn't have been difficult at all in the night for us to end up on the wrong shore. We were pretty confident that the people of Haven weren't about to actually _leave_ Haven in search of us, but we could have encountered a bunch of other problems.

Eventually, the sky began to change colors, and as the first ray of sunlight shone on the water, I could see the towers of Redcliffe Castle in the distance. I really am pretty well convinced that Andraste, or the Maker, or both - well, some combination of divinity got us through the mission. Zevran put the lantern away, and Brother Genitivi woke Wynne (who had managed to doze off for a bit).

As our boat approached, guards on the castle's battlements caught sight of us. I guess we stuck out a little bit among the fishermen. I heard shouting, and could see people moving, but I couldn't make out anything distinct, so we just rowed closer to the castle. There is a gate, on the very lowest level, which opens directly onto the lake; there's sort of an underground river in the sub-basement of the castle. Someone hauled open this gate, and we rowed right into the castle. A few of Eamon's soldiers were there to meet us, probably to make sure we really were who they thought we were. One of them was Ser Donall - it was good to know that he was able to leave Lothering before it fell to the darkspawn.

"I'm glad to see you again, Alistair," he said. "We wondered when you would arrive. The rest of your party turned up two nights ago."

"They're here?" It occurred to me for the first time to wonder just how long we'd been gone. I had honestly lost track of the days, and even this journal wasn't of much help since I recorded so little of our march to Haven. (What can I say? It wasn't the most riveting journey.)

"They are indeed, and in greater number than when last you and I met. Lady Cousland has been extremely anxious for your arrival. I expect someone is notifying her as we speak."

"Are they all right?" asked Wynne. Someone else was tying up the boat, so I climbed out and offered her a hand. "Brother Genitivi here should be seen by the arl's physician as soon as possible."

"I believe they were all well; they made no indication otherwise. Lady Cousland's golem is in the courtyard, but the others were asleep to my knowledge. You'll likely find them upstairs. Lawrence, Garret, assist the brother," he said, turning to a couple of pages. "Take him to the infirmary, then ask the headwoman to send some breakfast up for him. You are an honored guest here, Brother Genitivi; let me bid you welcome on behalf of my lord."

Since Genitivi was thus taken care of, I lost no time getting upstairs myself. Sure enough, Elissa, Morrigan and Leliana were waiting for us in the main chamber. They had a few minor bumps and scrapes, but otherwise they seemed unharmed, and it was all I could do not to kiss Elissa. I haven't said much about it in my entries, but I missed her badly.

"How did it go? Were you able to secure the elves' assistance?" I asked instead.

"It took some doing," she replied. "We'll all trade stories later. Did you get the Ashes?"

I couldn't help feeling a little proud as I pulled out the pouch for her. Her blue eyes widened. "Sacred Lady of the Flame... you did it! I knew you would!" She turned toward the fireplace, and for the first time I noticed Bann Teagan. "They did it!"

"Wonderful!" he cried. "Let us go at once to Eamon's side and see if the Urn's healing powers live up to their reputation."

* * *

And he's awake.

It was interesting to watch. The pouch of ashes was placed on Eamon's chest, and there was a mage still on hand from after Connor was saved from the demon, who uttered some kind of a spell. Little beams of light came shooting out of Eamon's body; it was honestly rather beautiful, but then, the truth is that magic often is. The Chantry just doesn't like to admit it. And then he opened his eyes, and sat up. "Where am I?"

"Be calm, brother," Teagan said gently. "You have been deathly ill for a very long time. Do you remember nothing?"

"Teagan, what are you doing here? Where is Isolde?"

"I am here, my husband," she said, taking his hand. I've never heard her speak so warmly. I guess she really does love him. Then he asked about Connor, and she sighed. "He lives, though many others are dead. There is much to tell you, husband."

"Then... it wasn't a dream," he said heavily.

"Suppose we give you some privacy," Elissa suggested in her thoughtful way. "Our new arrivals need some breakfast, and we need to hear about their success in the Frostbacks. You can explain everything to His Grace, and we'll convene with you later today."

Teagan agreed, gratefully, and our group made its way to the dining hall for some food. Wynne and Sten and Zevran and I were all so tired that talking was something of a struggle (Morrigan found it funny that I was too tired to talk, but that's Morrigan for you), but I think we managed to get the most important points of our adventure across. I'll check with Elissa later and make sure she definitely knows everything that happened.

They also told us about their parley with the elves, but again, I was so tired that I'm not sure I've entirely got the straight of it. Apparently, the girls had to make a bargain with the Dalish Keeper, Zathrian, in order to get the elves to fulfill their treaty. He sent them on some harebrained quest in the forest for a werewolf heart. That's all I really remember; I came up here after we finished eating, started writing things down, and fell asleep. When Elissa and I can talk privately, I'll get the rest of the details.

Hm, I'm being summoned. Eamon's ready to talk to us all.

* * *

Oh, _that _was just fantastic.

It started off well enough. Eamon talked about how troubled he is by everything Teagan and Isolde told him, which is only natural. Then he thanked us all for what we did to save him and his family, not to mention Redcliffe itself, and of course he pledged his men to combat the Blight. And he declared every last one of us Champions of Redcliffe, and presented us with one of the shields he has made for his personal bodyguards. (I guess there was no way he could give one to everybody, and it's not like most of us even carry shields anyway. Come to think of it, only Elissa and I do.)

But then we started talking about Loghain, about how we're going to defeat him. "We can scarce afford to fight this war to its bitter end," Eamon said. "I could unite those opposing Loghain, but not all oppose him. He has some very powerful allies. Someone must surrender if Ferelden is to have any chance of fighting the darkspawn. I will spread word of Loghain's treachery, both here and against the king; it will give his allies pause, but we must combine it with a challenge Loghain cannot ignore.

"What do you suggest?" asked Elissa.

"We need a candidate for the throne, one with a stronger claim than Loghain's daughter the queen," Eamon continued, and he very deliberately did not look at me. "Teagan and I have a claim by marriage - our sister was Rowan, Maric's queen and Cailan's mother. But we would seem opportunists no better than Loghain. Alistair, however, has a stronger claim of blood."

I saw Elissa wince, and Wynne nodded gravely; everyone else just looked confused. "What claim do you mean?" asked Zevran.

"It is not commonly known," Eamon continued, "but Alistair's father was King Maric. By the laws of succession, he is the only remaining member of the Theirin line, the last known scion of Calenhad, and therefore is the rightful King of Ferelden."

You could have heard a pin drop with how quiet the room got. Even Toby was silent. "And... all this time... you never told us?" Leliana sounded shocked.

"Well, it's not like it's something that comes up in conversation," I retorted. "'Is there any stew left? Hmm, I should sharpen my blade tonight. By the way, I'm the bastard son of the dead king.' Doesn't really have any poetry to it, you know?"

Morrigan was eyeing Elissa. "_You_ were aware of it, however, were you not?"

"I was." She shrugged. "But it was not my secret to tell."

"Are you certain of this, brother?" asked Teagan.

"I would not propose such a thing if we had an alternative," Eamon replied, "but the unthinkable has occurred."

"And what about _me_?" I blurted. "Does anyone care what _I_ want?"

"You have a responsibility, Alistair," Eamon insisted. "Without you, Loghain wins. I would have to support him for the sake of Ferelden - is that what you want?"

"No, my lord," I grumbled. I couldn't take the way everyone except Elissa and Wynne was looking at me, like I'd suddenly grown a second head or something, but I stayed where I was.

"I see only one way to proceed," said Eamon. "I will call for a Landsmeet - a gathering of all of Ferelden's nobility in the city of Denerim. Ferelden will decide who will rule, one way or the other, and then the fight against our true enemy can begin." He turned to Elissa. "What say you, my lady? I do not wish to proceed without your blessing."

She looked a bit startled. "My blessing, my lord?"

"I'm told that you are now considered Commander of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden, which means that you are the one leading the war against the Archdemon," he replied. "The days are coming when the entire kingdom will look to you for guidance."

I don't think she entirely liked that, to be honest, but she kept her face neutral. If I didn't know her as well as I do, I'd probably have been fooled too. "If it's my blessing you need, Your Grace, you have it. Do you think the Landsmeet will work?"

"That depends," he admitted. "If we cannot get a consensus in the Landsmeet for Alistair, we cannot afford to oppose Loghain either. Does that mean Loghain could win? Perhaps - so we must see that he does not. Ferelden must stand united to defeat the darkspawn. A fractured country cannot win. So we must give it our best efforts. Have you delivered all of your treaties to your allies?"

"All but one," she said. "We must still go to Orzammar and speak with the dwarven king."

"And you will need time for that - time that we may not have in spades," he said grimly. "Very well. I will send word for the Landsmeet to convene in Denerim in exactly six weeks' time; some of the nobles will need time to make their way there from the more remote parts of Ferelden. Once you have conscripted aid from the dwarves, return here to Redcliffe, and we will make our way to Denerim together."

So now I'm sort of holed up in my room, since we're leaving at first light, and I suppose Elissa will be by sooner or later to talk to me. I'm not mad at her, I'm really not - I'm not even mad at Eamon, as far as that goes. I can see where neither of them felt like they had any choice. Maybe we don't.

I guess I'm mad at my father. That doesn't really make any sense, does it? I'm mad at him for being who he was, and creating me. I was brought kicking and screaming into a world that has told me all my life that it didn't want me. I've been abandoned and ignored and looked down on and pushed around. Except for that one shining blue-eyed light down the hall, I've never felt like anyone wanted me for me, for _Alistair_. I mean, even Duncan did his best to protect me.

Come to think of it, so did Cailan. Duncan said that Elissa and I were hand-picked by Cailan to light the signal beacon, didn't he? Is this why you did that, brother? Were you trying to keep me out of the fighting just in case everything happened exactly the way it did - so that Ferelden would still have a Theirin king?

I can't be king.

Can I?

I'll mess it up. I mess _everything_ up, sooner or later. I'm amazed that our half of the party came back from Haven in one piece. How can I run a country?

But if I don't... then Loghain wins.

Maker help me. I don't have a choice.

* * *

I was right, of course. Elissa came to my room at the first opportunity, to give me a hug and tell me she's sorry to have put me in this position.

"Love, it can't be helped," I said. "I'm not _thrilled _about it, obviously, but I guess it's better to put me on the throne than Loghain. Marginally, at least."_  
_

"A little more than marginally, I'd say, but I suppose I'm slightly biased." She smiled.

I wanted to change the subject, then, so I asked her to tell me again about her time in the Brecilian forest. It was even weirder than I first understood. I got the werewolf heart part right, but it was a little more complicated than that. The werewolf was named Witherfang, and it was the leader of all the werewolves in the forest - the werewolf curse originated from it. Zathrian claimed he needed Witherfang's heart in order to break the curse and save those of his clan who had been bitten by werewolves. Only that wasn't quite the truth. Witherfang was actually the Lady of the Forest, a woman who - well, not a woman exactly, but that's the form she took. It seems that Zathrian had two children, a century or two ago, who were attacked by humans and ended up dead. He cast the werewolf curse on them in retaliation, by creating Witherfang/the Lady of the Forest. He summoned the spirit of the forest itself and forced it into a physical body. So Elissa basically had to broker peace between the warring factions, convince Zathrian to undo the curse, and then both he and the Lady of the Forest died. The other werewolves all turned back into humans, the bitten elves got better, and the clan promised to send warriors to fight beside us.

I think I've got all that right. Close enough, anyway. While they were there, Elissa also helped the elves with one of their halla (it's a sort of deer that they use as a pack animal) and fixed a messy relationship between two young elves in love and ran around killing a few revenants in order to unearth a massive suit of armor. "I don't think it would properly fit anyone but Sten," she admitted. "They call it the Juggernaut armor, in the documents I found buried with one of the pieces. It belonged to some famous warrior in times past. I've sent it off with Bodahn Feddic to Soldier's Peak so Mikhael Dryden can clean it up a bit."

"That's something I've always wondered," I admitted. "Bodahn goes off periodically to get fresh supplies and the like, and he always manages to find us again. How do you suppose he does it? This isn't a tiny country."

"I've wondered that too," she said. "I think it must have something to do with Sandal's enchantments. He must have one that functions like a compass, or something along those lines. It's the only thing I can imagine that makes any sense at all."

"My dearest, since when does something have to _make sense_ in our lives in order for it to be true?" I challenged, and she laughed and admitted I had a point.

"I missed you terribly, Alistair," she said. "I missed all of you, as far as that goes, but you most of all."

"I missed you too. More than I can say."

"I didn't get to mention it earlier, but you did so well on the quest for the Ashes. I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you."

"That's what Duncan said too," I mumbled. She raised an eyebrow. "I didn't tell you that part, did I? I didn't want to talk about it in front of Morrigan." I told her about the Gauntlet, and meeting up with Duncan's ghost, and I showed her the talisman the spirit had pressed into my hands. "He said he's proud of me - of both of us."

"You got to say goodbye," she said softly. "I'm glad for you. I... I wish I could have gone. I wonder who I would have seen - my father, most likely. It must have been quite an experience, seeing Duncan and then actually standing in the presence of the Ashes. Maybe someday we can go back there."

"I'm sure Genitivi would like that - he said something about wanting to share it with the world - but I'm pretty sure the people of Haven will not be happy about it," I said grimly. "Well, we'll let the Chantry figure out what to do with them."

Elissa's gone back to her room, now. Like I wrote earlier, we're leaving at first light. Before we go to Orzammar, we're escorting Brother Genitivi back to Denerim so we can be sure he gets there safely.


	20. Battledress of the Provocateur

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** I'm sure most people already know this, but the Battledress of the Provocateur is only available if you have the DLC called _Leliana's Song_, and requires some careful work. If you play through the DLC and collect all six pieces of the armor, it will appear in your inventory in every new game of _Origins_ or _Awakening_ that you start. It's got some really great attributes.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty: Battledress of the Provocateur**

_This perfect suit embodies the paradox of the bardic spy. Intricate details yearn for an audience, but a worthy owner gives only a glimpse in the reflection of a blade drawn swiftly from the heart._

* * *

We've stopped for the night, and I'm taking a little time in my tent to write. My head feels crowded, somehow, like it has more thoughts than it should be able to properly hold, so I'm trying to get a few of them out on paper to clear up some space.

Brother Genitivi looked a lot better this morning. I can't imagine they were feeding him much up in Haven, considering the way his clothes sort of hang on him. Really, he's not a particularly strong guy, so I'm impressed he was able to hold out as well as he did against the treatment he received. But he's had a couple of good hot meals since we got to Redcliffe, and his color is much healthier. He joined us at breakfast in the main dining hall and seemed delighted to meet the rest of our party.

"I've read a number of your writings," Elissa told him. "My father and grandfather were both of a scholarly turn; I think the library in Castle Cousland must contain the majority of your books." Her face paled slightly, and I think I know what went through her mind. Maybe it did once, but who knows what it contains now?

"You probably don't remember it," Genitivi told her, "but I visited your family's castle many years ago. You were only a babe in arms; I don't think you could have been more than two at the time. Your parents showed me every courtesy. I am deeply sorry for your loss."

"Thank you. Well - if everyone is ready, we can start for Denerim once we finish eating. I imagine you're eager to get back to your researches."

"To some extent, though with the discovery of Andraste's blessed tomb I'd say I've probably achieved the glory of my career." He chuckled. "But I'm looking forward to organizing all of my findings and submitting them to the Chantry. I'm sure they'll want to make pilgrimages, if only to verify the truth of my words for themselves."

Genitivi still isn't walking quite right, so Arl Eamon presented him with the gift of a white donkey from the Redcliffe stables. It's making the trip back to Denerim easier on him. "I would offer horses to all of you," he said, "but I have none to spare at the moment - it seems most of them have been taken by the Knights who went in search of the Sacred Urn, and I can't say I know when to expect them back. I hope at least most of them are able to return."

The whole family came out to bid us farewell; it was the first I've seen of Connor since Wynne went into the Fade and killed the demon that was possessing him. He seems mostly all right, but very quiet. Eamon reminded us to come back to Redcliffe as soon as we've finished our talks with the dwarves, which will hopefully not take too long. I'm not eager for the Landsmeet, but the sooner we have an army assembled to take on the Archdemon, the sooner the Blight can be over.

I just realized something. Elissa and I planned to return to Soldier's Peak when the Blight ended, to create new Grey Wardens and rebuild. But now I'm going to be king, unless things go horribly wrong at the Landsmeet. Does that mean she'll be doing it alone? I can't be a king and a Grey Warden at the same time, can I? And what does that mean for _us_? I need to talk to Wynne about this.

* * *

I almost started this entry by saying 'Well, that was unexpected,' but at this point I think it's fairly obvious that everything that happens to us is pretty unexpected.

We still don't dare take the Imperial Highway, of course, because we don't want to risk being spotted by Loghain's men. It's not exactly easy going through the woodlands and such with a party as large as ours, but at least there are marked paths; we do the best we can and it's usually okay. How anyone can find a way to track us is beyond me, but someone managed it. We had just stepped into this rather pretty clearing, with a little rushing river. Elissa had only just asked Zevran and Leliana to stop and refill our water skins when she was struck in the arm by an arrow. Of course, it just sort of bounced off of her armor, but it still caught us all by surprise. And then the whole group of them ambushed us.

"Protect Brother Genitivi!" Elissa shouted, drawing Starfang.

It was, at least, quick and relatively clean work. There were only a handful, and they weren't exactly the best. They all soon lay dead except for the apparent leader; Elissa wanted him alive for questioning. He lay on his side, clutching a wound and groaning. "Who are you working for?" she demanded, pushing him onto his back and resting the point of her blade near his throat. His skin looked weird under the glow of the weapon.

"My orders were... kill the little red-haired girl."

"The little... what?" Leliana pushed forward. "You were supposed to kill _me_?"

"Orlesian woman..."

This was apparently all Leliana needed to hear. "Marjolaine," she hissed. She gave Elissa a pleading look. "It has to be."

"Tell me how to find this woman," Elissa said, her voice very cold, "and I will let you keep your life."

"Agreed! Agreed! Maker bless you for your mercy! Here - here's all the information I have."

"Good. Now start running." I haven't heard or seen her like that since she spared the blood mage back in the Circle so many weeks ago. It's a chilling thing when my Elissa gets truly angry, especially since it happens so rarely.

Leliana was looking at the paper he had surrendered. "She's in Denerim. It _has_ to be her... no one else would go to this much effort to find me."

"Excuse the interruption," said Morrigan, dryly, "but who exactly is this person?" I saw Elissa hesitate. "They did just try to kill us all," the swamp witch continued. (That's what Shale calls her and she _hates_ it, so I kind of like it.) "It seems to me that we have a right to know why."

"Fair enough," said Leliana. "Marjolaine was... well, you might call her my mentor, when I lived in Orlais. She taught me how to be a bard. I told Elissa all of this a while ago; the reason I came to Ferelden is because Marjolaine betrayed me. She framed me for treason and I was tortured, nearly executed. But I escaped and found my way to the Chantry, who accepted me among them and helped me get to Lothering. You know my story from there."

"And suddenly this woman seeks your death?" asked Sten. Everyone always looks just a little surprised when he says something. "That seems curious."

"She has wanted me dead for years. Maybe she couldn't find me while I was with the Chantry. Or maybe she's just been waiting for the perfect time." Leliana looked at Elissa. "We're going to Denerim anyway. I would very much like to confront her."

"And we will, Leli." Elissa's mouth was a grim line. "As soon as Brother Genitivi is safe and settled, we will confront her. I do not let people hurt my friends."

* * *

I woke early, before my turn at watch, and went out to sit with Wynne. "You look troubled, Alistair," she said. "Come and tell me what's on your mind."

So I did. I told her all my worries and my confusion and my anger about the whole prince situation. "I don't _want_ to be king," I said finally, "but I know it's what Ferelden needs. I'm willing to put my country above myself. It's the fact that I have to stop being a Grey Warden that bothers me the most, really. We call it 'the duty that cannot be forsworn,' but here I am having to forswear it. Plus, that puts even more of a burden on Elissa's shoulders, and she already carries more than should even be humanly possible."

"Yes... I can see the problem." Wynne had been quiet the whole time I was speaking, just listening and occasionally nodding. "Elissa will be the Warden-Commander - in largest part, she already is - and you'll be the king. Two very demanding roles, to be sure, and probably two that won't allow you to be together much."

"If at all. Soldier's Peak is a long way from Denerim. There's an ache in my chest every time I think about it."

She smiled, a little sadly. "I'm not sure how to advise you, I'm afraid. There's quite possibly no good solution to any of it."

"I didn't really think you could advise me," I admitted. "I just really needed to talk to someone. I _would_ talk to Elissa, but I don't want to add to her concerns. She's pretty worried about Leliana on top of everything else."

"Well, for the time being, I think you just need to focus on removing Loghain from power and quelling the Blight. A lot can happen between now and whenever this war will end."

"What do you mean?"

"Look at us right now, Alistair. A year ago, I was a mage in the Circle Tower and you were training to be a Templar and we probably never could have been friends. But here we are, close companions who journeyed together to find the Sacred Urn of Andraste. We've come closer than any other living Fereldans to standing in Her holy presence."

"Well, that's true."

"So consider that perhaps this is all part of the Maker's design. He must have something in mind for all of us. I'm not sure I'd believe it's merely coincidence that has brought Elissa forward as the champion of the innocent, or the rest of us as her allies. Do you?"

"Probably not."

"Which means it's also not coincidence that the two of you have fallen in love. That, too, must be part of the Maker's plan. And that means that there must be a reason for it, which He has not yet chosen to reveal."

"So what you're saying is... He wouldn't have brought us together if He didn't mean for us to stay together?"

"That's just my opinion. But yes."

I don't know how to explain it, but Wynne is really good at making me feel better.

* * *

We've reached Denerim. I _still_ don't know how he does it, but Bodahn Feddic was waiting for us at the gates of the market district, and his wagon contained everything the girls had brought with them from their visit to the elves. Elissa presented the Juggernaut armor to Sten, who seems pleased with it (to the extent that I can tell, anyway), and she also had a pair of Dalish gloves for Zevran. Apparently his mother was Dalish, and had owned a similar pair. He seemed really astonished that she had remembered him talking about them, much less thought to buy him some.

"No one has ever just... given me a gift before," he said. "I do not know what to say. Thank you."

We took a few rooms at the Gnawed Noble Tavern. Normally it's where the nobility of Ferelden stay if they don't have manors within the city limits; some of them do, but most of them, especially the ones from the more remote bannorns and arlings, just stay here. I imagine it'll be packed for the Landsmeet.

The main reason for this is that Brother Genitivi's house is directly across the road from the tavern, and Elissa wants to keep an eye on him for a couple of days. "There's simply no way to know for certain that he's safe," she explained to us over dinner. Genitivi himself wasn't with us; we left him at the doors of the Chantry, where he wanted to spend some time praying for those who lost their lives over his search for the Ashes. "I'm sure that by now, from what you've told me, those people in Haven know that you've fled and taken him with you. They know where he lives, so I just want to keep an eye on him to make sure no one comes and tries to hurt him again. He's been through enough."

"That seems reasonable," said Wynne. "So we'll take it in turns to watch his house?"

"If no one objects, yes. I already spoke to Shale about it," she added. "Shale's agreed to stand guard inside his house for the duration of our time here, and is there now. Meanwhile, we can use this time to examine our supplies, get a little extra rest, that kind of thing. All I ask is that if you go out into the city, you go in pairs and try to remain as inconspicuous as possible. Loghain is almost certainly in the palace; let's try not to attract his attention if we can help it."

Leliana gave her what I can only describe as a pleading sort of look. "And Marjolaine?"

"We will confront Marjolaine," Elissa agreed. "But I don't think we need all go. I'll go with you; anyone else?"

"I'll come, of course," I said.

After a bit more discourse, it was decided that Zevran and Wynne would come, Sten would keep watch over Brother Genitivi's place, and Morrigan would... well, whatever she does when we're not around. We'll be heading over to the house that Leliana's attacker identified first thing in the morning; it's here in the market district, so it should be easy to find.

* * *

Well, Marjolaine wasn't exactly unprepared for our arrival.

She was a beautiful woman, I give her that. Deep brown hair, elegant figure, sultry eyes. She also gave me the major creeps. She kept calling Leliana "my Leliana." I kind of get the impression that there was a little more between them than just a working relationship.

"So lovely to see you again, my dear," she said.

"Spare me the pleasantries."

Marjolaine went on a minor tirade about the stench of Ferelden, how the smell of wet dog gets into everything. I saw Elissa's eye twitch. "You tried to have Leliana - and all the rest of us - killed," she said.

"So businesslike, your companion," said Marjolaine. She gave Elissa a look of such disdain that I almost went for my sword. Zevran tensed beside me too.

"You framed me," said Leliana. "You had me caught and tortured. I thought here in Ferelden I'd be free of you. What happened to make you hate me so? Why do you want me dead so badly?" I felt sorry for her; she was trying to be strong, but there was a lot of pain in her voice.

"Dead? Nonsense! I know you, my Leliana; I know what you are capable of. Four, five men you can dispatch easily. They were sent to give you cause to come to me, and see? Here you are!"

Elissa was getting angry, I could see it. "You could have just sent her a letter," she said dryly.

"Ignore her. She's lying," said Leliana. "I know how she works. What are you up to, Marjolaine? Why are you in Ferelden?"

And suddenly all the fake sweetness was gone from Marjolaine's voice. "You have knowledge that you can use against me. For my own safety, I cannot let you be. Did you think I did not know where you were? Did you think I would not watch my Leliana?" she asked coolly. "'What is she up to?' I wondered. 'What is she doing?' The quiet life, the peasant clothes, hair ragged and messy like a boy's - I thought, this is not her. So I watched. But no letters were sent, no messages, you barely spoke to anyone." She folded her arms. "Very clever, Leliana. You almost had me fooled. And then suddenly you left the Chantry. What was I supposed to think?"

"You think I left because of _you_?" Leliana looked stunned, and I really couldn't blame her. I've never known someone whose ego was so out of proportion, and I've known a lot of egotistical bastards.

"Leliana left the Chantry to help fight the Blight," said Elissa. "It's got nothing to do with you. The darkspawn are her concern now."

"Is that what you think? You wait. You look at her, you see a sweet girl who needs a protector and a friend. She will use you, turn on you."

"I am not like that," Leliana said hotly. "I am not like you."

"Oh, but my Leliana... you _are_ me." Marjolaine, for all her beauty, had one ugly smirk.

"She is not," Elissa said shortly. "I believe in Leliana."

"Thank you."

"I will give you one chance," Elissa continued. "Leave. Get out of Ferelden. Never come back. _Stay away from my friend._"

They stared each other down for a long moment. Finally, Marjolaine nodded. "I will go... for now. But this is not over, Leliana. This is not over."

Only when her former friend had left the premises did Leliana break down, dropping to her knees and shaking. "Come on, Leli," Elissa said gently, trying to help her stand. "Let's go back to the tavern. You're safe now. It's all right." And we all walked out together. There was a small greyish dog sitting just outside the door; it cocked its head at us as we passed. I don't know why, but it felt familiar to me somehow.

Elissa and Leliana have been alone in Leliana's room ever since we got back. I don't know what they're talking about, but it's not the first time that I've thought that we're all lucky to have that woman in our lives. She'll get Leliana through this.

* * *

The girls came to dinner. I think Leliana may have been crying; her eyes looked a little puffy. But she held her head up, spoke nicely to everyone, and honestly seemed more or less like her usual self. Even Morrigan was pleasant to her. Well, pleasant for Morrigan, which means that she pretty much ignored Leliana, but that's nicer than she usually is to me.

"She'll need a little time to get past it all," Elissa told me quietly. "But I think it will pass. More than anything, she needed reassurance that she isn't like Marjolaine. I told her that her past isn't what defines her, it's what she chooses to make herself from this day forward. She's stronger than she realizes - she would have to be to have lived through so much."

"Did she tell you about... the torture?"

She nodded, eyes closed. "Don't ask. You don't want to know. _I _don't want to know, even though I already do."

"So, now that our most pressing task in Denerim is concluded," said Zevran, trying to sound jovial, "what shall we do tomorrow?"

"I think," said Morrigan, "that Elissa and Alistair might want to examine a notice I saw posted near the Alienage. 'Tis most intriguing - a rallying cry for supporters of the Grey Wardens."

"Supporters of the Grey Wardens?" I repeated. "You mean we _have _some? Present company aside, I mean."

"I thought t'was rather peculiar, myself," she admitted. "Those who would show their allegiance to your order are advised to visit the Pearl."

"What's the Pearl?" asked Elissa.

Zevran coughed. "This city boasts one of the most famous brothels outside of Antiva," he said. "They say whatever you desire, you can find it at the Pearl. I have heard of it, but never seen for myself - though I have seen the Blooming Rose in Kirkwall, which I am given to understand is comparable in, ah, scope."

"Oh, dear." Wynne looked torn between amusement and distaste.


	21. Ring of Ages

**Shadow and Rose**

by Lady Norbert

**A/N:** I have drafted a rough outline of what will be happening in each of the upcoming chapters.

This story is going to be forty chapters long... and then we move on to the sequel, which will cover _Awakening_. By the shifting skies of the Fade, what did I get myself into?

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One: Ring of Ages**

_The shopkeeper claims this artifact may be among the oldest magic items in all of Thedas, from an era before even the elves mastered the magical arts. Quite likely that is mere salesmanship, but the ring is certainly powerful and feels truly ancient._

* * *

Immediately after breakfast, Elissa and I followed Morrigan to where we could read the poster she had described at dinner last night. It was tacked to a wall near the entrance to the Alienage, which a guard told us is sealed off because of some sickness that's been plaguing the elves. (Why do I get the feeling that's something we're going to find ourselves investigating at some point? Probably because sooner or later, everything seems to fall into our jurisdiction...)

Anyway, the wording was pretty strange. "_Don't believe the lies! Friends of the Grey Wardens assemble. The hidden pearl holds the key to resistance. The griffons will rise again._" I have to wonder how Morrigan worked out that the phrase 'hidden pearl' was a reference to the Pearl, but according to Zevran, its exact location _is_ somewhat of a mystery. If you ask me, it's not so much that people don't know where it is - we were able to get directions easily enough - but rather that they do their very best to pretend it isn't there.

We're going to be heading over there shortly, but Elissa's off on some errand here in the market district. I think she's just stocking up on supplies, or maybe she's sending something back to Soldier's Peak with Bodahn Feddic again, or something like that. She didn't say much about it.

* * *

It turned out that Elissa had actually gone to the Chantry. Apparently she unearthed some document while rooting around in the Brecilian ruins that she thought they would want to have, so she went over there to give it to their archivist. I'm going to have to remind her that she told the rest of us not to go anywhere in the city alone, and she ought to follow her own rules.

On the way back she encountered a Sergeant Kylon, of the royal forces. This turned out to be an okay thing; he assured her that he doesn't believe a word of Loghain's lies about the Wardens, although he did warn her that keeping a low profile was in her own best interests, and said something about having his hands full with enough problems. Elissa, being Elissa, asked if there was anything she might do to assist, and he told her about some problems being reported at the Pearl. Some group of mercenaries called the White Falcons had more or less set up shop and were driving the proprietess batty. She promised to take care of it as peacefully as possible, and it's not like we weren't going there anyway.

So that was our first order of business, once we located the Pearl. We went in a small group - Elissa and I with Morrigan and Zevran. Wynne wanted to take a turn watching Brother Genitivi (actually, she went over and visited with him for a while), and Sten somewhat reluctantly accompanied Leliana to the Wonders of Thedas shop. I have to write down what he said because it was just so funny. "Wonders of Thedas? What does that mean? Do they sell geography questions?"

The White Falcons were easy enough to dispatch. Elissa confronted the leader, who mistook her for - of all things - one of _Arl Howe's men_. I can only imagine what a terrible taste that left in her mouth, but she went along with the deception because it meant that the mercenaries left without a fight.

Zevran, meanwhile, had his attention caught by a woman in another part of the main room. At first I thought he was, um, partaking of the local custom, but he quickly explained that this was someone he knew - the pirate Isabela. He was willing enough to introduce us, but at the moment, the lady was otherwise occupied, by which I mean she was participating in a minor brawl.

Elissa asked the proprietess about where to find the 'friends of the Grey Wardens' that were mentioned on the poster. The woman immediately assumed an unpleasant expression, and directed us to a locked room toward the back of the building. Elissa knocked, and was prompted for the password.

"Um... the griffons will rise again?" she guessed.

"Enter."

The door opened, and we moved inside to find ourselves confronting a few soldiers. I guess I shouldn't really have been too surprised that it was a trap; it did seem too good to be true. One of the soldiers immediately began to exult that they'd captured more supporters of the Grey Wardens, but the lone female in the bunch advised him to take a better look. "_That's_ a Grey Warden," she said. "She's the one Arl Howe's been looking for!"

Well, that answered my question about how long it would take for Loghain to try again to kill us.

The soldier woman continued ranting about how they were in the employ of Howe and it was all perfectly legal for them to kill us and I don't remember everything she said. At this point, I think I've grown a little tired of describing fights. The fact that I'm updating this record in perfect calmness should be proof enough that we won, they're all dead, and Loghain and Howe will have to find some other tactic.

Truthfully, I was more interested by our interactions with Isabela, when we returned to the main room. Her fight was over, she was sitting calmly playing cards, and greeted Zevran like an old friend. Elissa complimented her on her fighting style and even sat down to play a few hands of her card game, though she lost every one. I kind of think Isabela may have cheated - she _is_ a pirate - but Elissa took it in stride. She didn't even bat an eye when Isabela called her "sweet thing," although _I_ certainly sat up a little straighter.

We left the Pearl some little while later and ran into a man whom Elissa introduced as Sergeant Kylon. He congratulated her on getting the White Falcons to leave the brothel without incident, but the friendly meeting was interrupted by the mercenaries' captain showing up and demanding an apology. "No one gives orders to my boys but me!" There was no avoiding that fight, which Kylon and his men joined as well, and we trounced them pretty handily between us all. Once it was over, Kylon gave Elissa an amused sort of look.

"And people actually attack you _voluntarily_?" he asked.

She smiled, and shrugged modestly. "I suppose I don't look all that intimidating. But you'd think that my friends here would make people hesitate."

"Well, in any case, I'm grateful." He gave her a pouch of coins. "I may have another task for you, if you're willing."

"What's that?"

"There's a bunch of louts who've taken up space at the Gnawed Noble Tavern, and if you could dislodge them, I think the landlady would thank you."

"It's hardly out of our way - we're all staying there for at least another night," she replied. "We can take care of it on the way back to our rooms."

Pretty talking, but the truth was that when we got to the tavern, Elissa - for the first time in all the months I've known her - seemed to have absolutely no idea how to deal with the drunken sods who called themselves the Crimson Oars. Any attempt at persuasion was shot down by the leader, who just kept yelling for more ale. "We like it here! We've got good coin and we'll keep spending it!"

She looked at the rest of us, perplexed. "I don't know what to do," she admitted quietly. "I know Kylon said we could rough them up a bit if necessary, but I'd rather avoid that. But he's so drunk I don't think he's hearing much of anything I say."

I was at a loss myself, and Morrigan certainly wasn't offering any suggestions; she was being so quiet, in fact, that for a few minutes I forgot she was even there. I guess it's lucky that Zevran was with us. "My dear Warden," he said to Elissa, "would you permit me?"

"If you've got a plan, Zevran, be my guest."

He sidled up to the leader of the Oars. "Good fellow," he said in the silkiest voice I've heard him use yet, "why would you waste your time here when there are establishments near the docks that will better tend to your needs? Where the ale flows freely and the women are... shall we say... friendlier?"

Elissa looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole. The Oars leader, however, threw his head back and made a sound that was some sort of cross between a hearty laugh and a belch. "Aye! You make a good point, elf! Landlady, you and your maids are too old and cross! Come on, boys, to the docks - let's find us some wenches!"

They more or less poured themselves out of the tavern, and Zevran returned to us with a grin on his painted features. "Well?"

"I'm not sure I approve of your methods," Elissa said with a weak chuckle. "But I can't deny that they were effective. That was neatly done."

He offered a half-bow that was only slightly mocking. "I told you that I have my uses."

"I never doubted that for a moment."

* * *

Something's up.

Wynne came back from her visit with Genitivi, and I heard her remarking to Elissa that they'd had a very nice long conversation about different things. One of the subjects was apparently about their regrets, which I wouldn't have expected Wynne to really _have_, but it would seem that she does. The two of them were still sitting by the fire and talking in hushed voices when I came up to my room.

It's pretty late, who's that at the door?

* * *

Right, I guess I should have figured it would be Elissa. She looked very serious indeed, and for a moment, I was worried. "I need to talk to you."

"What's wrong, love?"

"Nothing, exactly, I just... would you do something for me?"

"Anything in the world. Though now I'm wondering if I should have asked you to be more specific before I answered you."

She smiled. "It's nothing very bad. I want to make a quick trip back to the Brecilian forest before we go to Orzammar, and I'd like you to come."

"The forest? Whatever for?"

"Well, it's Wynne." She explained that Wynne had told her about a student mage she'd had many years ago, when she was still pretty young herself. The mage was an elf - Aneirin was his name - and she'd been so hard on him that he'd ultimately run away from the Circle of Magi. I didn't quite get the straight of how he did that without them tracking him down through his phylactery, but apparently the Templars had gone hunting for him and refused to tell Wynne if they'd found him alive or not. "She seems pretty convinced that he's dead," Elissa concluded, "but I thought it would be nice to give her some closure, if we can."

"It's for you _and_ Wynne? Of course I'll go."

"Thank you, dear. I think we can leave most of the rest of the group here," she continued. "It's only about a day's walk to the elven encampment, if we leave at first light, and we'll move faster with fewer numbers. I'll bring Toby along, and I'd like to invite Zevran to join us as well."

"How come?" That seemed a little strange to me.

"He told me his mother was Dalish - that was why I brought him the gloves when we were there the first time - and I think he might find it interesting to see how they live."

Makes sense, I guess. "Whatever you like. You'd better get some sleep then."

"I will, as soon as I speak to both of them."

She gave me a kiss and wished me pleasant dreams. "Promise me you'll be in them and they will be," I replied.

"Oh, you." Her eyes danced a bit. I'm still not very good with the whole wooing thing, but Maker knows I do try, and she loves me so I must be doing _something_ right.


End file.
